“Hear what?”
“Once, my doctor told me that I needed to do something about my obesity.” Shame was pervasive in her tone.
Whatever happened to ‘do no harm’? “A doctor told you that?”
“Yes. He did lots of blood work on me and said I’d need to be very careful because I was obese.” She gestured with her hands and puffed out her cheeks.
“What were the lab results?”
She licked her lips and thought about it for a second. “I can’t remember. I have them in one of my boxes with some other papers. But he told me that I had to buckle down and lose weight.”
“You said you want to be different. Who else do you want to be, Lily?”
Lily looked him in the eyes, and he could see the desperation there. She really was going for broke. “Someone good for you, someone who’s strong and whole, that you could really want and be proud of.”
He could feel her trembling as he held her. She’d never been prone to histrionics, but he could tell she was serious and not just being a drama queen. “Baby, if you’re changing for me, then you’re changing what I already really wanted.” She sucked in a breath and looked up at him. “I am proud of you, proud to be seen with you, too. I didn’t need you to lose weight. I told you that you could exercise on that machine if it made you happy. I was perfectly content with how you were. If you continue, I’m afraid it’s going to become an obsession.”
“It makes study time go faster. And study time makes the workout less tiresome. I…I was really on there for three hours?”
He wasn’t sure if she marveled at that fact or was burdened by it. “Lily, if you have those test results, I’d like to see them, later. Now let’s get you undressed and in the tub.” He pulled her gently from the counter and reached behind her to lift the hem on her T-shirt.
She put her elbows out obstinately, and he nearly smiled at her slight pout. “I can do it.”
“I know you can but I want to look at your knee.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Bullshit. It’s been acting up for weeks. I’ve seen you rubbing it.”
“It’s just a little catch every now and then.”
Crossing his arms over his chest when it was obvious she wasn’t going to cooperate, he pulled out the big guns. “What does your counselor say about your weight loss?”
Lily scrunched up her nose like she didn’t want to answer his question and probably didn’t appreciate him asking. He hooked her waistband and yanked down her now loose stretchy pants, leaving her briefs hiding the tattoo in place.
She caught her undies to her in shock. “Hey!” For a split second he thought she was going to sock him.
“Come on. Off with them,” he murmured, suppressing a grin when she showed some of the Lily spirit he loved. She toed off her sneakers and slipped the pants from her legs. He squatted down and gently stroked her knee. Compared to the other one it was a bit swollen. “Tell me what your counselor says, Lily.”
He couldn’t help his chuckle when she growled softly at him for persisting. “She said I needed to slow down, see Doctor Guthrie, and examine my reasons for losing weight,” she listed off in quick, monotonous succession.
“She did, did she? I wonder why?” He stood and looked into her eyes, relieved that she was showing a little spirit and not looking quite so defeated. But she still looked exhausted. “I’m taking the elliptical out of your room.” She scowled at him, and a thought occurred to him. “Have you been working out when you can’t sleep at night?” When the furrow between her eyebrows deepened, he had his answer. “Lily! No wonder you can’t sleep! That’s it. Not only am I taking it out of your room, I’m selling it on eBay!”
Grace’s words came to his mind as she grumbled and stripped, almost angrily, and unselfconsciously. Lily needed to feel in control of something. The very fact that she was in control of her weight loss was a mirage because it controlled her. She got down to her bra and panties and, knowing it would do her more harm if he turned away from her, he waited with a big grin on his face. No way was he going to give her the impression his earlier words weren’t true. He wasn’t repulsed by her body at all.
“Do you mind?” Her indignation was adorable as her eyes shot sparks. That’s my girl!
“You’ll need help lowering yourself into the tub.”
He could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she examined her alternatives. “Fine. Then close your eyes.”
Dutifully, he did as she asked, and he listened as she slid the undergarments from her body. “You know, this is a lot harder when I’m blind. I could drop you or trip and fall in the tub with you. Besides, why can’t I see you nekkid? I’m going to be able to feel you’re nekkid.” He took a tiny bit of enjoyment from giving her a hard time, even though he already knew the reason, just to know the gold sparks were probably firing in her eyes.