When he caught sight of her, he wanted to growl. No, of course she wasn’t napping. She was on the elliptical. He wished he’d never left the piece of equipment in her room. He had a bad feeling as he approached her. She was engrossed in her book and she had her earbuds in, no doubt listening to a lecture as well, all while working out, bathed in sweat. Soaked, in fact. Her hair was even damp.
“Lily!”
“Aaaaah!” she screamed, startled from her deep concentration. Her sweat-soaked hand slipped on the rail she was holding on to, and she lost her balance.
“Baby!” He reached out reflexively and caught her as she fell backward and winced. Her whole body trembled with fatigue as he lifted her from the machine, noting as he did that she had indeed lost a lot of weight, and he regretted the fact.
This ends today, damn it!
“You scared me,” she gasped as she pulled the earbuds from her ears. She winced again as he set her on her feet and reached down to rub her right knee.
Cutting to the chase, before she could make excuses, Clay asked, “What time did you get on the elliptical?” She turned her head to squint at the digital clock on her bedside, but he gently grasped her chin and directed her gaze back at him. “What time?”
Lily gazed into his eyes, evidently studying his expression for anger. His grasp lessened, but he didn’t release her. She blinked, and unshed tears made her eyes glisten. “Um…I think I lost track of time.”
With firm tenderness, Clay repeated his question. “What time?”
She tried unsuccessfully to look at the clock once more then sighed and shrugged. “Three o’clock, right after I finished with the last casserole.” She cringed when she saw the shock that must have registered on his face. “Why? What time—”
“Three hours? Lily! Three hours!”
“I was studying for that test. I must’ve lost track of time.”
“Ya think?” he asked in exasperation. “Lily, honey—”
He caught her as she tried to take a step and her legs gave out like limp noodles, testifying to how long she’d been on the machine. She winced and grabbed her knee again. The elliptical provided a low-impact workout, but even then, three hours on it would be guaranteed to make it feel high-impact.
“Ow,” she whimpered as he lifted her easily into his arms.
“Is this what you wanted, honey? Is it this important?”
Frustration seemed to suddenly grip her, tightening her into a tense bundle in his arms. “Yes! I have to lose weight.”
Clay wanted to holler at her, raise hell over her belief that she needed to lose weight. He wanted to put her over his knee and spank her bare ass until it was bright pink. Instead, he simply cuddled her to him. None of that would help right now.
He was determined to get to the bottom of this belief she had. If she’d fallen while he was gone, she would’ve been more seriously injured. He carried her into the bathroom and sat her on the counter. After he had the tub filling with warm water, he threw in a handful of Epsom salts and poured some of her bodywash in for camouflaging bubbles.
He faced her with each hand braced on the counter so he bracketed her hips. “Honey, you’re going to hurt yourself if you keep going the way you are.”
Her hands knotted into defiant fists in her lap. “But I need—”
He put his fingertip over her lips. “Let me finish. I liked the way you looked. Your clothes fit you just the way I liked, Lily, especially these stretchy pants. You filled them out perfectly. Now…they’re almost falling off of you.”
“Just a little more, Clay.” Tears overflowed her eyes, and she put one hand on his chest and one up to wipe her cheeks. “Just a little—”
Clay grasped the hand pressing against his chest. “Honey, stop.”
“Clay, I just need…” Her eyes pleaded with him.
“Is this what you do pretty much every time you stay home studying?”
“Unless I’m doing written work, I’m usually on the machine.”
“You’re going to hurt your body, Lily. That’s too many hours. It’s not healthy. What are you running from?”
Her cheeks turned bright pink, and her amber eyes overflowed. “I…what do you mean?”
“Why do you think it’s necessary to work out this much?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I was pathetic. Weak. I want to be different. Better. Stronger. It’s why I have to do this. I need to be better than what I was. I need to get done with school and get on with my life—” She sobbed as if her heart was breaking, and he caught her as she fell toward him. “I ate like a pig at Christmas and I have to burn all that back off. I want to be different. Somebody else. You knew me when I was little, when it was called baby fat. You didn’t know me when I was growing up, and when I became an adult. I’ve always been huge. You didn’t hear…”