That was exactly the point, she realized. She had no idea what made her happy because she was used to being in avoidance mode with JT. Avoiding outbursts, avoiding trouble of any kind, avoiding angering him. She had avoided so much for so long she had no idea what it was she wanted to do to make herself happy.
How screwed up am I?
Lily nodded and sat back. “You’re right, Clay. Thank you. It’s going to take a little time. I’ve thought of myself as fat, sloppy, and lazy for a long time.”
“Probably because he used those words on you like a mantra. No more. If you want to work out on the elliptical, you can. Now, woman, I cooked and I expect you to eat,” he said as he rose from the couch.
She allowed him to help her to a standing position and then seat her at the table in the kitchen. The shrimp and broccoli stir-fry was incredibly good, and she ate every mouthwatering bite. She couldn’t recall a more satisfying meal.
Afterward, they relaxed in the living room and watched television. Clay had placed a big, fluffy pillow on the couch next to him for her to lay her head on and that was where she drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Six
Clay sat beside Lily, her head resting on the pillow. She’d seemed so exhausted, he’d decided to not press her to talk any further. Time would heal a lot of her wounds and there was no reason for him to rush the process. He was inordinately pleased that she was staying with him. Her house had been a mess, and he’d wondered how she would manage the cost of the extensive repairs.
Lily shifted suddenly and clenched her hand resting on the pillow into a fist. She whimpered, and her whole body went rigid. Feeling for her, Clay laid his hand on her shoulder and gently stroked her arm, hoping to soothe her back into peaceful sleep. He tucked a stray dark lock behind her ear and then stroked her soft cheek with the tips of his fingers. She shuddered lightly but seemed to settle after that. Clay silently cursed the bastard who was responsible for her nightmare.
She was supposed to see Emma the following week to have her stitches removed, and Clay wondered if maybe counseling would be a good idea. She had issues with her appearance that bothered him. She viewed herself in a very negative light, and it made him sad because she was truly beautiful, beneath the tired, beaten-down exterior. He was glad he’d chosen to get involved last Saturday after the accident.
Once she’d relaxed into deeper sleep, Clay rose from the couch and went to her room to turn down the quilt and covers on her bed. Lifting her gently, he carried her to her room. He enjoyed the warm, solid weight of her in his arms. The tingling in his groin signaled that other parts liked it as well. He felt a little guilty because there was no way she’d be interested in men right now. It was a testament to just how tired she was that she never stirred once.
* * * *
“Thanks for letting me use your phone, Clay. I probably should’ve called Dad last night.”
“You’re welcome, Lil,” Clay replied as he opened the windows in the living room. The morning was cool, and they’d decided to open the house and let the fresh air blow through.
Lily discovered that morning that her phone, while fully charged, was completely useless. JT had shut off her number. She counted herself lucky because the only way she’d hear from him now was through her lawyer. That was fine with her.
“Mind if I sit on your back porch?”
“My house is your house,” Clay replied as he fought with a stiff window lock.
She slipped out of the back door and carefully took a seat in one of his Adirondack chairs. The treed, shady yard was dappled here and there with sunlight, and she sighed happily as she breathed in the cool, dry autumn air. It seemed she had arrived in Divine as the seasons changed, and she felt invigorated by it.
The incision site ached a little, and she made a mental note to take her pain meds later as she dialed her dad’s telephone number.
He answered warily on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Dad? It’s me.”
“Hey, sweetie! How are you feelin’ today?”
“A little better.”
“Are you still in the hospital? Tell me what’s goin’ on. Do you need me?”
Lily smiled at the earnest sound of his deep, rough voice. “Just to hear your voice is enough.” She fought the lump in her throat. Even though he was sick, he was willing to come get her. If he did, he’d insist on her living with him. There was no way she’d return to Durst.
“Did you get settled? Is the house okay?”
“I’m settled. And the house is…going to need some work.”
“Where are you staying, Lily? Do you need money? I’ll come and get you.”