Ashley dances close to me, although it’s too crowded to put any real space between us. Carly’s a good dancer and makes us laugh when she does funky moves. When the music slows, Carly puts a hand on each of our shoulders and turns us toward each other.
“Okay, lover girls. Your turn. I’m outta here.” Carly walks off the dance floor, and for a second Ash and I stare at each other.
Ashley’s hair frames her face. Her head’s tilted gently to the side, and she arches a brow. I can’t stop myself from glancing around the dance floor. No one is paying any attention to us, and somewhere in my head I hear myself whisper, And so what if they were?
I step closer and place her hand on my hip. Then I wrap my arms around her neck and rest my head on her shoulder. I feel her heartbeat speed up as we begin to move in perfect rhythm. I close my eyes, trying to ignore the nerves prickling along my skin. Getting lost in Ashley is easy, but pushing away the look in my parents’ eyes when I told them I was a lesbian isn’t. But I’m still trying.
I try.
And try.
And try.
And little by little, as Ashley’s perfume fills my senses and the chatter of the other people on the dance floor fades away, I sink into the moment. There’s only me and Ash. Her hands on my back, holding me close, her heart beating strong and stable against mine. When the song picks up its beat again, Ashley keeps me close.
“Just for another second? Please?” she asks.
I tighten my grip around her neck. One day this will be old hat to us. One day she’ll be able to take my hand and walk out on a dance floor without encountering my hesitation. But right this second, I’m thankful for this brief respite from the discomfort that’s been tethering my heart for so many years.
An hour or so later we all pile into my Jeep, Ashley in the passenger seat, Bolton and Carly in the back. Carly sits pressed against Bolton’s side, tucked beneath his arm. She’s got a drunken smile on her lips, and if I didn’t know they weren’t dating, I’d wonder, because of the way Bolton holds her protectively and rests his cheek on the top of her head.
“You okay, Car?” he asks.
She nods. “I had a great time. Ash, I wish you came home more often.”
Ashley turns in her seat so she can see Carly. “Maybe we’ll try to.”
We’ll. She says it so easily and with such confidence, like we’re a given, that the word wraps around me like an embrace.
When we reach Ashley’s house, Bolton hugs us both. “See you guys at the play tomorrow?”
“Definitely,” Ashley answers. “Thanks for the invite tonight.”
“Are you kidding? It’s great to see you.” He hugs her again. “And, Dee, I hope you had a good time.”
“I did. I had a great time, thanks.” I watch him walk down to his house, and when Ashley reaches for my hand, I don’t do a quick sweep of the area. I take it and hold on tight. “I love your friends.”
“I’m glad. They’re all pretty cool,” she says as we walk up the front steps.
“Bolton reminds me of Wyatt. He even called me Dee.”
“I call you Dee sometimes.” She unlocks the door and pushes it open.
“But you’re my girlfriend. Almost everyone else calls me Delilah except Wyatt.” We walk inside and take off our shoes as quietly as we can.
“Let’s get some ice water before we go downstairs.” Ash takes my hand again. We walk into the kitchen, where we find a note from her mom and a bottle of Motrin.
Girls, drink lots of water and take two of these if you drank too much. Kenny will be up early! Xo, Mom.
“Your mom is the best.”
“Do you miss your mom?” Ashley fills a glass of ice water and sets it on the table.
“Yeah, but she wasn’t accepting like your mom, so I know it could never have been like this at my house. But I still miss her.”
She takes me in her arms and kisses me lightly. “I’m sorry, Dee,” she whispers.
“I thought I heard you come in.” Her mother comes into the kitchen wearing a short robe, tied at the waist, and slippers.
I step out of Ashley’s arms and mumble an apology.
Her mother laughs, a softer version of Ashley’s sweet laugh. “Oh, sweetheart. Are you kidding? You’re sorry for showing affection to my daughter? Please.” She swats at the air. “I’d be more worried if you didn’t.”
“You’re not bothered by us? Not at all?” I don’t know where the courage to ask this comes from, but as she fills a glass with juice, then settles into a seat at the table, I’m not embarrassed to ask.
She pulls out the chair beside her and pats it. I sit, and Ashley sits on my other side.