Discovering Delilah(42)

Boy, is that a weird thought.

Me using someone for sex?

Me. The lesbian virgin until just a few days ago?

Weird. Definitely weird. But not as weird as knowing that the entire time she was getting ready for work this morning, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She moves so confidently and gracefully at the same time. She’s like the perfect woman.

My perfect woman.

Our toothbrushes hang in the holder side by side. Our hairbrushes and elastic hairbands sit on the dresser. My clothes are on the chair in the corner of her room, tucked beneath her hoodie and shorts. Seeing our stuff comingling has definitely had an impact on me. It makes me want to be comfortable outside of our homes with her, too. It makes me want to try harder.

I’ve been thinking about what Brandon said about girls and relationships and guys and sex, and although I think there is some truth to it, I also think he has it a little skewed. Girls are about sex and relationships. Finding the one person in this world who understands me the way Ashley does, who is patient with my insecurities and also turns me on the way she does? I know our relationship is a rare gift, and I know I’ll never tire of being with her, emotionally or physically.

Before leaving her apartment for the day, I run down to my Jeep and get the gift I bought for her yesterday. I had to have Brent give it to Brandon to bring to me so she wouldn’t find out, but it was worth the sneaking around. I make the bed and gather my things. We’re staying here again tonight, so I leave my bag on the chair in the corner, then write a note in the card I brought and set the gift in the center of the mattress.

As I climb into my Jeep I see a white paper stuck beneath the windshield wiper. I look around and don’t see any No Parking signs. With a heavy sigh I get out and snag it from the windshield.

Ashley’s handwriting makes me smile, but her words cut straight to my heart.

D, I miss you already. Xo, A





Chapter Twelve


~Ashley~

IT’S THURSDAY. I hate Thursdays. I never used to hate them, but ever since Delilah fooled around with Janessa, Thursday has become my least favorite day of the week. I woke up feeling jealous and insecure an hour ago, and I’m lying here trying to hide it, but Delilah and I have become so in tune with each other that I know when she wakes up she’ll feel it rolling off of me. She looks so peaceful sleeping beside me. I don’t want to ruin her day with my own insecurities, so I slip from my bed, tiptoe into the bathroom, and turn on the shower.

I step beneath the spray and close my eyes, hoping it’ll help clear my mind. The warm water soothes the tension that has my shoulders riding practically beneath my ears. I look down at the shampoo bottles, and my heart squeezes with the sight of Delilah’s shampoo, her scented body wash, and her pink razor. How can these little everyday items hold so much meaning? I pick up her shampoo and open the cap, inhaling the scent. I feel myself smile even though it only sort of smells like Delilah. Her skin has a scent apart from all of these manufactured aromas that is purely her own.

Thinking about Delilah brings me back to it being Thursday and Delilah attending group counseling tonight with Janessa. I’ve been able to put the image of Janessa touching her out of my mind for the past week, but now that it’s Thursday, it creeps right back in. Janessa is gorgeous, and I know she and Delilah are friends. I’ve noticed when she gets a text from Janessa she’s careful not to react too strongly in front of me, although she never hides the texts or waits to answer them, and I appreciate that. I probably shouldn’t be jealous, given that I’ve been with other girls before I was with Delilah, and she doesn’t even ask about them. Well, other than Sandy, but I kind of offered her up, and Delilah never asked about the intimate side of our relationship.

I know Delilah needs the group sessions, but I just don’t know how to get past this. She seems to gain something from them even when she says she doesn’t. Every day she gets a little more confident. When she first moved here, on the heels of her parents’ deaths, she was pretty withdrawn. I think moving back into the house with Wyatt after staying with Brooke was a big step in her moving forward and healing. When she moved to Brooke’s she told me that Wyatt reminded her too much of her father, which made it hard for her to stay at the beach house. I know his fight at the Taproom also fed into her reasons for leaving, but knowing she was able to move back and push past the similarities between Wyatt and her father is huge.

I’ve also noticed a difference in the way she handles herself. She moves with more confidence around the Taproom. I know her counseling sessions have a lot to do with her progress, and I’d never ask her to choose between the sessions and me. That would be totally unfair. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t cross my mind this morning when thoughts of her kissing Janessa were sailing through my mind.