Discovering Delilah(4)

“You have a daughter?” If I was wrong about how she was looking at me, how will I ever know when someone’s really interested?

“Mm-hm. Jackie, she’s three. Here, I’ll show you a picture of her.” She pulls her phone back out and scrolls through pictures, then reaches across the table and shows me a picture of the most adorable little brown-haired girl. Janessa is lying on a bed hugging Jackie, cheek to cheek.

“Aw, she’s so cute. She looks just like you, too.”

She shows me a bunch more pictures, and in every one she and Jackie are both smiling. Even in the picture of Jackie sleeping on Janessa’s shoulder, it looks like the little girl is smiling.

“What does your husband do?”

She puts her phone away. “Oh, I’m not married.” She locks eyes with me. “And I’m not straight, either.”

“Oh.” It comes out as a whisper, and the fact that I can’t even answer like a normal human being embarrasses me. I wonder if she adopted Jackie. She must have…No. She could have used artificial insemination. Or maybe Jackie’s her girlfriend’s child? I’m not curious because I’m interested in her. I’ve never thought past one day having a girlfriend—which in itself seems like a fantasy. I’m curious about how it all works.

“Delilah, I’m going out on a limb here, so feel free to tell me if I’m off base, but you haven’t come out yet, have you?”

I sigh, but this time I don’t look away. I have to start somewhere, and I’ve already admitted more to her verbally and nonverbally than I have to anyone else, so I force myself to answer her.

“I hate that term.”

“I hate it, too,” she admits. “So, are you out?”

I shake my head.

“Aw, Delilah. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay, really. I’m…This is all new to me. My parents were very conservative, so…”

“So, you never told them?” Her brows knit together. “Want to talk about it?”

“I told them right before I walked for graduation, but they weren’t very supportive.” I feel my eyes tear up and I down my drink in one gulp. When I told my parents that I liked girls, they looked at me like I disgusted them, and it nearly took me to my knees. They never said a word about my confession after graduation, but it was chaotic. There were pictures to deal with and congratulations from friends and my aunt Lara who had come with them to watch me and Wyatt graduate.

I push the memories away and blink several times, trying to repress my tears. “I’m sorry. Can we not talk about my parents?”

“Of course. I’m sorry. I’m being too nosy.”

“No, it’s not that. Actually, I like talking to you. This is the first time I’ve had a conversation like this. It feels good to get some of it out in the open.”

She smiles. “I like talking to you, too.”

“I don’t really talk about this stuff with anyone else. My brother, Wyatt, tries to talk to me about it, but it feels weird even though he’s supportive.”

“Listen, I get it. My parents were surprised to find out that my brother, Dean, and I weren’t straight.” Her eyes fill with sadness, and just as quickly, that sadness is replaced with something else. Determination? Acceptance? I’m not sure.

“Our parents came around, and they’re very supportive, but I’ve dated women whose families weren’t exactly on board with their lifestyles, and I know how hard it can be.”

“Even around here? Harborside is so diverse. I still can’t figure out why my parents had a summer house here and bought the Taproom.”

“Your parents owned the Taproom?”

“Yeah, well, Wyatt and I do now.” Knowing that she understands my situation puts me at ease.

“So…” She sips her drink and lifts her chin in the direction of my phone. “Want to tell me about the texter we’re not talking about?”

I laugh. “Ashley. I just met her at the beginning of the summer, and she’s…” My heart is sprinting in my chest, and I can feel a goofy smile coming on.

“Uh-huh. You have a major crush on Ashley. So, what’s the problem?”

“Take your pick. I’ve never kissed a girl. I have no idea if she’s into girls or guys, and oh yeah, did I say I have never even kissed a girl?” I know I’m blushing, but at the same time, it feels so good to get the words out that I can’t seem to stop myself.

“Never? Didn’t you say in therapy that you just graduated from college?”

I nod, knowing what’s coming next.