It’s kind of pathetic that I’m crushing on her so hard that I get excited over seeing her name on my phone.
How was counseling? I smile as I read her text, loving that she cares enough to ask.
“Boyfriend?” Janessa asks as the waiter returns with our drinks.
I shake my head and laugh as I reply to Ashley. Fine. Having a drink with a girl from the session. Still on for sketching sunrise tomorrow? Ashley and I have been meeting at sunrise or sunset a few times each week. She paints landscapes, and I’m teaching her to sketch. It’s about the only hobby that I have, but I’m pretty good at it. The only problem is, I’m usually so busy looking at Ashley that I don’t get much sketching done when we’re together.
“Why did you laugh?” Janessa sips her drink as I read Ashley’s confirmation for tomorrow, then set my phone aside.
Ashley’s my first real girl crush ever—although it feels like a hell of a lot more than a crush. I have to stop lusting after her. Not knowing if Ash is straight or into girls leaves me longing for someone I’ll probably never have. Besides, having absolutely zero intimate experience with girls, I can’t even be sure that I’d enjoy the sexy side of being with her if she is into me. When Ashley and I are together, we don’t really talk about frivolous stuff like hooking up with people. It’s like we’re so in sync with each other that nothing else even exists. I guess between learning to run the Taproom and dealing with moving in and out of the beach house—which I know hurt Wyatt’s feelings—and trying to deal with the death of my parents, my focus has pretty much been on survival. And when Ash and I are together, I’m working so hard to ignore my burgeoning feelings for her that I avoid any topics having to do with dating or hooking up.
“Hello? Delilah?” Janessa waves her hand in front of my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I totally zoned out.”
“Yeah, I noticed you did that at counseling, too. You sure you’re okay?” She tilts her head, and her long dark hair slips over her shoulder. She reminds me of Megan Fox, except Megan’s eyes look sharp and catlike, like she’s always either on the prowl or ready for the paparazzi. Janessa’s are a little larger, slightly rounder, and usually thoughtful or filled with compassion, as they are now.
“Yes.” I down half of my drink.
“So, are you going to tell me why you laughed when I asked if you had a boyfriend?” Her lips curl up in a smile, revealing a row of perfect pearly whites beneath.
I run my finger over the rim of my glass to keep her from seeing what’s going through my mind. I was always so afraid of my parents finding out that I thought I liked girls that I admitted it only to Wyatt and Cassidy.
“Okay, here’s the thing.” Janessa reaches across the table and covers my hand with hers. “I know you’re grieving for your parents, and my heart goes out to you. It’s going to take a really long time to deal with that, but I can see that something else is going through that pretty little mind of yours, and if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
Pretty little mind? She leaves her hand on mine. It’s warm and soft and makes my pulse speed up. Did I misread her? Is she into me? Me? Why would she be? Do I look like a lesbian? No woman has ever come onto me before.
“Thanks, Janessa.” I finish my drink and move my hand, feeling a little queasy.
She waves the waiter over and orders another round of drinks. “So…was that your girlfriend on the phone?”
My eyes shoot to hers.
“It was just a guess.” She holds both hands up in surrender, then leans across the table and lowers her voice. “But your look is very telling.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.” I feel my cheeks heat up, but I can’t look away from Janessa as she arches a brow. We’ve spoken only a handful of times. How can she possibly guess this about me?
“But…you wish she was?” Janessa’s phone rings and she holds up her index finger. “Hold that thought.” She looks at me as she answers the call, and the attention makes me even more nervous. “Hi, baby. Are you going night-night?”
Night-night? Oh my gosh. I’m thinking she’s into me and she’s a mom? She’s probably married. My radar is totally off. My stomach feels like there’s a tornado brewing inside me. I look away, embarrassed that I was so far off base.
“Okay, sweetheart. Have fun with Uncle Dean.” She blows a kiss into the phone, then holds up her finger again. “Hey, Dean. Yeah. She’s okay? Great. Okay. I’ll be there tomorrow morning.” She pauses. “Okay. Love you, too.” She ends the call and stuffs her phone into her purse. “I’m sorry. My little girl is staying with my brother and his little boy for their weekly slumber party.”