Discovering Delilah(19)

She turns, and when our eyes meet, she smiles and throws her arms around me. “Hi.”

Her perfume brings back memories of last night. I’m not sure what it says about me that while the memory floods me with good, sexy feelings, I also feel detached from it. Janessa was right. It was just sex. It didn’t create the type of feelings toward her that I have toward Ashley, but I also don’t feel ashamed of what we did. I don’t feel like a slut. I think I’ve compartmentalized our night as a learning experience, just as it was intended to be. Memories of my parents make me feel ashamed enough, for my thoughts, my desires. Ugh. For the life I want and am afraid to have.

“Hi. I’m glad you made it.” She looks great in a pair of jeans, a cami, and an open sweater.

“I only came by to see how you were. I can’t stay.” Her eyes roll over my face, looking for an answer.

“I’m good.”

“Delilah!”

I spot Ashley waving from behind a group of girls. I wave and she turns and grabs some guy’s arm and leads him over. I look at Janessa, who must read my mind—or maybe the floored look I’m sure is on my face gives away my disappointment.

Janessa touches my arm, and as Ashley approaches, she leans in close and says, “Don’t jump to conclusions. They’re probably just friends.”

“Hi.” Ashley smiles, still holding that tall, good-looking, towheaded guy’s arm like he’s hers. “This is Drake.”

“Hi, I’m Delilah.” I force a smile, but my stomach is tying itself into a knot.

Drake says hello, and the feel of Janessa’s hand on my arm brings me out of my jealous head and back to the moment.

“Oh, and this is Janessa,” I say loud enough to be heard over the band.

“Hi, Ashley. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Janessa waves to the guy. “Nice to meet you.” She turns her attention to me and lowers her voice. “I have to go, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. I had a good time last night.” She kisses my cheek and whispers loudly, “Good luck.”

Janessa waves to the others as she leaves.

My earlier hopes of telling Ashley how I feel are dashed, and for a minute we just stand there staring at each other. I’ve got to do something. Say something. But I’m pretty sure, Is he yours? Are you straight? Can I change your mind? isn’t the way to go.

“Drinks are in the kitchen.” I’m so lame.

“Great.” Drake looks at Ashley. “Want me to bring you one?”

“Sure. Wine, if there is any.”

“You got it.” He lifts his chin in my direction. “Want anything, Delilah?”

Only Ashley. “Uh, sure. Whatever Ash is having.”

He heads for the kitchen as the band starts up another song, and Ashley watches him walk away. I wish I could disappear into the night like the music.

“So, you were with Janessa last night?” Ashley steps in close and practically yells for me to hear her.

“Yeah. How do you know Drake?” I can’t help but ask. I’ve never seen the guy before and suddenly she’s holding his arm? I guess I can assume you’re not into girls.

Her smile fades. “I…um…I met him at the shop. He’s going to teach me to surf.”

“He’s…Oh.” Maybe Ashley doesn’t remember, but the day after we met, I offered to teach her how to surf. She was nervous about the whole process and told me that maybe she’d take me up on it one day. Uh-oh. Maybe she does remember and this is her way of drawing a line between us because she noticed the way I must have been looking at her yesterday morning when I wanted to kiss her.

I feel my shoulders drop and pry for more information.

“How are you going to do that with your schedule at the surf shop?”

“I’ll hit dawn patrol with him when I can, and sometimes I’ll go in the evenings when the tide is in. Brent is all for it. He’s excited that I’m willing to finally learn how to do it.” She takes my hand and leads me off to the side of the house, farther away from the music.

She’s held my hand dozens of times, but this time I’m aware of how our hands fit so well together, how good it feels to have our fingers interlaced, and I want that hand on my body. She stops walking and I nearly plow right into her. We’re standing so close I wonder if she can feel the space between us heating up like I do. She looks into my eyes and my head is so confused about seeing her with Drake and knowing she’s blowing me off to be with him that I want to look away. But I can’t. I’m drawn to her even though my heart is aching.

“You don’t mind, do you?” she asks.