Open it fast and I’ll stay.
She pushes the door open. All the air rushes out of my lungs as she reaches for my hand and I take the first step inside. The door clicks softly closed behind me.
There’s no turning back.
“Hi.” She leans in and kisses my cheek. She smells freshly clean, like spring, and as her eyes roll down my body, my mouth goes dry. “You look incredible.”
“So…” I clear my throat, wondering if I’ll be able to speak at all tonight. “So do you.” She’s clearly not wearing a bra beneath her dark tank top, and I can’t seem to drag my eyes from her taut nipples poking against the material. I finally force my eyes to drop, but they hang on her supershort miniskirt.
I can’t believe this is really happening.
I can’t believe I’m here.
I tell myself it’s like a booty call and to just relax. People do this all the time. But I’ve never been a booty call. I’ve never had a booty call. Relaxation went out the door with her bra and the rest of her skirt. I’m a nervous wreck.
She presses her hand to my lower back and leads me into the living room. I can’t believe my legs are working. They feel like Jell-O. I look around, in need of a distraction from rattling nerves. The room looks lived-in and comfy, with children’s magazines on the coffee table and a miniature recliner, which must be for Jackie. The couch is dark brown, and the room is decorated in warm earth tones. There’s a small fireplace across from the couch, with several pictures of her daughter on the mantel.
“You can sit down if you’d like.” She walks into the adjoining kitchen, and the space she vacated feels cold. I want her back. Somehow I felt safer with her close, which is weird given what we’re about to do.
What we’re about to do.
Oh my God.
Janessa holds up a bottle of wine. “Wine okay?”
“Um, sure.” Lots of it, please. I distract myself with the photos and force myself to speak so she doesn’t back out, because I’m a silent, nervous wreck that she doesn’t want to help after all. “Jackie’s adorable. Are you still in touch with her father?”
Janessa carries two wineglasses into the living room and hands me one. I take a big drink to calm my nerves. She stands close as we stare at the pictures, me trying to talk myself off the ledge and her probably regretting her offer. I inhale deeply, and the scent of CK One fills my senses. I know it well, since I used to wear it. Ashley wears Obsession by Calvin Klein. I guess I’m a Calvin girl. The thought that I’m an anything girl makes me smile.
Janessa’s arm brushes mine, and the room gets ten degrees hotter.
“Jackie’s dad, well…Do you want the truth or what I tell everyone else?”
She doesn’t sound nervous at all, and when I steal a glance at her, I realize she doesn’t look like she regrets her offer either. Her easy smile reaches her eyes, and it makes me feel a little better.
“I guess whatever you feel comfortable telling me.”
She takes my hand and we sit on the couch facing each other. Her touch makes my nerves go wild again. She puts down her wineglass and I cling to mine like a shield.
“I’m bisexual, Delilah, and there’s a guy in my life that I’ve had an on-again off-again thing with for years. We’re really close friends and we make great lovers, but we aren’t made to be in a monogamous relationship with each other.”
I nod as if I understand, but I really don’t. She had his child. “Why not?”
She sits back and places her hand on my thigh, like she’s touched me a hundred times before. Like it’s natural, normal, and easy. I hold my breath, desperately wanting it to feel normal and easy instead of new and exciting and scary at once.
“Because I like women,” she explains. “Being with a guy isn’t enough for me. I enjoy it, and I enjoy him. But it’s different being with a guy than a girl, and I’m not ready to give up being with women.”
She slides her hand up my thigh as she sits up again and leans in close.
I’m doing this. Here it comes.
Her fingertips slip beneath the edge of my dress, and her soft hand feels so different from Frank’s calloused palm and rough fingers. I immediately understand what she meant. Her touch is gentle, not hurried or forceful. My body inclines toward her despite my nerves.
I lean back again, feeling disjointed, too nervous, and swallow hard to distract myself from how good her hand feels and the thundering of my heart.
“Does Jackie know he’s her father?” I say this to distract myself, but my voice is shaky, like the rest of my body.
I finish my wine in one gulp, and she takes the glass from my hand and sets it on the coffee table. I can feel myself trembling. I hope she doesn’t notice, but how can she not? She’s so close I feel her breath on my skin. She’s even prettier up close, and as she gazes into my eyes and brushes my hair from my shoulder, it reminds me of when Ashley did it earlier that morning. It’s a good reminder that I’m doing this for Ashley. Not that I don’t want to feel Janessa’s full lips on mine. I do. God, I really, really do. But I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that I wish it were Ashley opening herself up to me right now, despite how nervous I am.