Any other time Liam would be spent and ready to call it a day, but not that day. No, this was the day after he and Dalton agreed to end their fling. They’d stay friends, but who were they kidding? It wouldn’t happen. Liam would be lucky if Dalton turned up and renewed next year’s gym subscription.
Never fuck around with a client. The one big rule he’d broken. That seemed small compared to the bigger issue playing on Liam’s mind, though, the issue which he’d only realised as Dalton gave his little speech about meeting someone. Had he been so arrogant and confident, he thought no matter what happened, Dalton would be with him? How had he been so stupid and why had he let things go so far?
Liam wasn’t ready for the type of pain which cut through him when Dalton said he’d met someone else. Even just remembering it seared through him like a big knife straight to the chest. Liam couldn’t breathe, and it wasn’t caused by his constant punches to the bag, it was caused by his heart hurting in his chest.
He loved Dalton. There, he’d said it. He fucking loved him.
Liam was so mad, mad at himself and everything else in the world. He shouldn’t have fallen in love. That didn’t happen. When did it happen? Liam laid in bed all night, staring blankly into the darkness, knowing it had always been there, but he’d denied it for so long and for so many different reasons it was hard to say when he’d developed such strong feelings for his beautiful blond.
As soon as he’d seen the guy four months ago, it had been there. Not love, okay, Liam wasn’t some fluffy puppy lover who fell in love at the drop of a hat, but there was something which held his interest, and through the months where they’d worked closely together, that grew into something more. More than admiration and respect, more than the need to just be with him to help him work out. Liam just needed to be with him. He’d missed him, wondered about him when they were apart, daydreamed about him. Then that shower shit happened and his world got spun around again. He had a chance, and he grabbed hold of it, but not tightly enough.
Now Dalton had met someone else, and that person was another man. The anger built up again and Liam punched the bag all wrong and too hard, his wrist screaming at him to stop. Knowing he could injure himself, he stopped, huffing and puffing, bending over and trying to still his mind and just breathe.
He’d been stupid to let Dalton go. How could he just drop him off and watch as Dalton closed the door to his house? No matter how hard Liam told his legs to move, to walk to that door and grab hold of Dalton and kiss him, say how he felt, what would he accomplish?
Dalton connected to this new guy in a few hours and in a way he didn’t with Liam. Liam was the one hurting and Dalton was the one walking off into the sunset with this fucking prick who Liam hated more than any other person in the world.
Liam didn’t give a shit about who he was, but he was sure as shit going to find out because Dalton needed someone who would treat him like their whole world and give him the type of love he deserved. Liam was positive he could have done that, but then he was also positive he would hurt him too, and not just him, but Troy.
Fuck! Liam slumped to the floor and breathed hard. How could he give up Dalton for Troy? Why did it have to be like this? How long would they continue this ridiculous dance and why did he not listen to Troy when he told him to find someone?
Was he that afraid to lose Troy he would give up Dalton? The answer was yes, because that’s what had happened. He’d given up Dalton, and okay, not just because of Troy, but because of his own inability to see a life without Troy beside him.
They were symbiotic. They couldn’t live without the other, and despite how they tried, this was it. They were stuck with each other. He had no idea what to do about it.
The tipping point had come and fucking gone, and there they were. Liam growled as he stood up, hands fisted by his sides and his need to beat the living daylights out of something returning.
He’d been so mad the past two days he’d kept out of Troy’s way, and the idea of going back and meeting him while he was still so wound up just couldn’t happen. Liam was going to be like a bear with a sore head for a long period of time, and Troy would suffer the brunt of it. Liam wasn’t going to tell him just how much this was hurting, or why. He wanted to sulk in his room and come out when he felt more like himself.
After a shower and checking the time, Liam decided eight was late enough to go home and go to bed without Troy bothering him, so he headed home on the bike, parking it up in the garage and storming to the loft. Troy wasn’t even there. The place was in darkness and Liam huffed. It had to be a new guy. That wound him up even more and he punched the wall, his fist going straight through the plasterboard and leaving a nice big hole there when he pulled it out.
Troy would attempt another soon-to-be-failed relationship and there Liam was hurting over giving up Dalton just to save Troy’s feelings. Something about the whole situation was wrong, and maybe it was time for it to end. Something had to change, and Liam sat in the dark, pondering how it could happen.
He loved Troy. The parallels of how he felt for Troy compared to Dalton were what Liam looked for. He’d never experienced love like he felt for Dalton, and therefore all his love for Troy over the years had been brushed into the ‘he’s my brother and I love him’ category, and there, as Liam sat in a stunned, painful silence, another realisation hit him. He didn’t just love Troy, he was in love with him.
He was in love with Troy. In love with his foster brother. His best friend. The only person he called family anymore. He was in love with him. He had been for a long time, and although Liam couldn’t pinpoint when it happened, it didn’t change the fact at all.
So, he loved two men and had none.
How had that smart little miracle happened, and how could he sort it out? Having both was out of the question, so it was time to talk to his brother and get things out into the open. He needed to know if Troy felt the same way as he did, and if not, then it was a fucked up, one way thing and Liam was out of there.
This was ending. It had to.
If it didn’t, then Liam would be the one who was clinging onto Troy because of his one way feelings. Feelings he didn’t know were there until now, but there it was, and all those failed relationships Troy suffered through could be down to Liam. It could be his fault and nothing to do with Troy.
Liam had been pushing men away and pulling Troy back, comforting him when they were gone and all in some sort of selfish, sadistic way to keep him close and alone. Well, Liam loved him and he was done hurting him, so they either agreed this was more, or they agreed it was one fucked up situation and Liam would leave, hopefully convincing Dalton to be with him and not the new guy.
Liam laid his head back, a headache like he’d never experienced before clouding his brain. Love was supposed to be this wonderful experience, but all it brought him was pain so far. He didn’t want it to continue, he wanted to flick a switch and have it all go away, but he wasn’t one for running and he was ready to stand his ground and sort it out.
He had a conversation that had to happen with Troy, and Liam planned on doing it as soon as he walked through the door.
Chapter 32
Dalton winced as Troy wiped down his arm. The top of it was now fully coloured and looking gorgeous, if not a bit red. Troy had been right about the colours hurting more than the outline. The circular motion and the constant stinging as he coloured in several shades over the same spot took the enjoyment out of the session. Dalton closed his eyes and just got on with it. Usually they spoke, but not much conversation had passed between them.
Troy was working on the very first outline he’d done of the Koi’s head, and now it was all bright blue, muted pinks and yellows. He’d done a fantastic job, and Dalton would be proud to show it off.
So far, he’d not mentioned to anyone about getting it done. He was sure when he said how big it was and how much he was spending on it, people would freak out, thinking he was having a further mental breakdown, but this was the only thing he was one hundred percent on in his life. Everything else was confused and shifting around his brain like he was on a merry go round.
“You okay?” Troy ran his hand over Dalton’s head, and he smiled up at him as Troy stood.
“I'm fine, just stinging. It was just sore before, but it’s worse now.”
“We got a good couple of hours work done on you. We have to wait for the outline on the others to heal a bit before I colour those in but I can start on the outline for the orchid. It’s not a race though, so take your time. You’ve been here a lot.”
“I'm impatient to see this finished and I miss you.”
“You don’t have to be here to see me.” Troy passed him a can of cola and smiled. “Not that I don’t love our little sessions.”
“We eat out after.” Dalton stood up, stretching out his legs.
Troy took hold of his hand, leaning up and placing a feather light kiss on his lips. Dalton wanted him in his arms so much it hurt, but Troy stepped back, waving a bottle of the healing gel in his hand and pointing to the chair. “After care is important.”
“I know.” Dalton sat back down, letting Troy carefully spread the gel over his tender skin, wincing several times as he did it.