“All that means nothing but friendship. A close one. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but there’ll never be anything between me and Troy. Never!” Liam was convinced of that. Despite how they circled each other, if something was going to happen, it would’ve happened by now. “I met someone I like.”
“Oh.” Derrick lit up his cig with a crooked smile. “And how’d Troy take that?”
“Bad.” Liam shook his head. “Just like he did with every new friend I met at school. He got worried I was going to run off and leave him behind.”
“Jealousy is a horrible thing.”
“He’s insecure. I guess we both are. We’re safe with each other. We know we won’t hurt the other and we both worry about being left behind.”
“He sabotages your relationships. You do the same to his.”
“I don’t have them.”
“Not anymore. You did when you were younger, but you soon realised Troy couldn’t deal with it and that was that. No more other men coming into your life.”
Liam looked out across the fields. He couldn’t lie. There’d been attempts in his late teens. Men he’d liked and brought home to meet his foster parents. All he’d got was grief from Troy, and the longer the relationship went on, the worse things became. They would argue, fight it out sometimes, but ultimately it always ended up with Liam alone and Troy happy about it. Maybe that’s why Liam decided to give him some of his own medicine, not that Troy gave a shit, but then Liam didn’t pour on the guilt like he did.
“You're either gunning for a huge bust up or one great night of sex.”
“Derrick!” Liam burst out laughing and Derrick slowly joined in.
“It’s the truth though.”
“Maybe about the bust up, but we always sort our shit out.”
“Yeah. See how this new guy pans out then, huh.” Derrick started walking again, the tent now in view. “How’d you both fit in that tiny thing?”
Liam shrugged, not about to say they’d spooned each other all night after having that conversation. “It’s bigger on the inside.”
“It’s not the fucking TARDIS. Bigger on the inside.” He snorted before blowing out a big puff of smoke. “You know, I'm pretty sure this type of closeness isn’t really average for two single men.”
“If we were both—”
“Don’t even say what I know you’re going to say. It makes no difference to me if you’re into men or women, and I'd still feel like this if you were both women, or if one of you was. You like the same thing and that’s what I mean. It’s not like you don’t see how handsome the other is.”
“Just ‘cos he’s good-looking don’t mean shit to me. It never has done. He’s always been fantastic to look at, that’s his problem, the way he looks.” Liam tugged one of the poles from the tent, watching it collapse on one side. “If I just wanted to screw him, or him me—whatever, then it would have happened by now. Neither of us are shy virginal types. If it was just sex… that would be easy. It’s not sex though. Love’s different, and I don’t have anyone else who I love like him in my life. If it got messed up, if I lost him somehow, I don’t know what I'd do.”
“He’s gotta be your everything or you’ve gotta find a man who will be, Liam. You can’t give in to fear, and by that, I mean hold back from moving on with him or moving on with someone new. It still boils down to fear, and nothing good ever came from fearing something so much you couldn’t move on. You’ll both regret it later, both look back and hate why you didn’t grab hold of those changes and just go with it.” Derrick began pulling more poles from the tent and stacking them on the ground. “Like you said, it’s a tipping point, and I think you should both look at what you got together and consider it. Don’t hold back because of some non-existent reason. You're friends. You shared a house growing up, that’s the end of it.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.”
“You’ve never had a brother, I mean a blood one. How the hell do you know what it feels like? How do you know it’s that type of love or another? You’ve never given it a thought, or if you have, it’s buried deep. Liam, just think about it. You two, you’re a good team. You’ve got a lot of history together, a lot of love. It could be something really good.”
“Yeah, well.” Liam rolled up the tent and began stuffing it in its bag. “I really, really didn’t think you’d be saying all this shit to me, Del.”
“I just had the same conversation with Troy while you were pissing about making yourself pretty in the bathroom.”
“Holy shit!” Liam banged his hand down on the seat of his bike and growled a little. “You said all that to Troy? No wonder he couldn’t look me in the eye. Del, I love ya man, but you gotta stay outta this one.”
“It needed saying, like it or not. I'm past caring, too old for this shit. You do some thinking, he does some thinking, talk about it.”
“Not going to happen. I'm never mentioning this again.”
He couldn’t go back into the pub with Derrick after packing up. He wasn’t going to risk a convo with Derrick’s wife about the same thing, or God forbid they sit Troy and him down and do it together. He was sitting astride his bike, lost in thought, when Troy made his way into the carpark. He looked better, but still shifty. Liam grunted as he threw over his helmet. “I just had a talk with Derrick.”
Troy pulled his helmet on, not looking at him. “We’re not talking about that.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Good.” Troy looked over his shoulder as he started his engine. “We agree on one thing then.”
Liam watched him wheel spin out of the gravel driveway, going too fast down the country lane and leaving him behind. He took a deep breath, then pulled on his helmet. He needed to calm down, they both needed to calm down, and a long ride with no talking would help their moods. Hoping everything would be silently slid to one side and never spoken about again by the time they got back to Manchester, Liam started out of the drive, following the sound of Troy’s bike ahead.
What a stupid thought. Him and Troy. It wouldn’t work. Liam couldn’t risk it. He’d rather have a half-life with him than no life without him.
Chapter 15
Dalton looked down at the frail hand clutching his on the hospital bed and then lifted his gaze back to the pale, withdrawn face of his elderly dad, trying to think of a good way to respond to the question he was just asked. “Kelly’s fine. She’s at work. I just dropped everything and drove here.” Breaking several speed limits on the way, but getting the call your dad just had a major heart attack was enough reason for him to do it. “I haven’t even told her yet. I just wanted to make sure I got here for you.”
His dad nodded, looking even more tired than normal. He wasn’t a well man anyway. He’d been slimming down recently and catching everything under the sun due to his low immune system. A nasty chest infection followed by pneumonia left him on oxygen during the recent months, and despite Dalton wanting things to improve, he knew it wouldn’t. It was only a matter of time. He guessed they’d have more though.
“Tell her I'm okay and not to worry. You know how she gets.”
They both smiled softly at the other.
“Dad…” Dalton stopped, clearing his throat and the emotion which was backed up there.
“I know, I know. Never enough time to say everything you want. Don’t worry, I know, lad. I know. I'm not much for speaking, and you know I'm no good with the hugging and all that pansy shit, but I love you. I'm proud of you. I always have been.” He gave a brighter smile, his tired dark eyes meeting Dalton’s. “Your mum was too. I've missed her, you know. Never been right ever since she passed away. The house just seems empty. I'm not afraid of going to see her again.”
Dalton wiped the tears from his eyes and nodded.
“I was a bit worried about you. About you and Kelly. Things looked bad from where I was sitting last time you were both round at the same time.”
“We’re okay. Just the ten year itch.”
His dad half chuckled, but broke off, coughing, sucking in a deep breath through his nose, the wire constantly attached there giving him much needed oxygen. “Ain’t it supposed to be the seven year itch?”
Dalton nodded. It had been seven years into their marriage according to Kelly when things got bad, so maybe his dad was right. “We’re still friends. Still talking. Working through life the best we can. Doing what’s right for both of us.”
His dad took a sip of water from his bottle and closed his eyes. “We’ve never been much for words, so the ones we say to each other matter more and I don’t like hearing lies come from your mouth.”
“They’re not lies, Dad.”
“You happy?”
Dalton sighed heavily. “Right now? No.”
“You know, before I met your mum, I was married to another woman. Dawn.” His dad took another sip.
Dalton leaned back in surprise. “What?”