"No, thank you." I hang up, troubled. Not for the first time, I worry that I've somehow made the wrong choice. That I've picked my own selfish wants and needs over that of my ailing father. Then, of course, I wonder how much of that is guilt and how much is truth. Sometimes it's so hard to tell. And isn't this for my father, in the end? So I can pay off his debts and get the house fixed up?
Lies, a little voice whispers in my head. You know this is really for you. You want Clay Price.
It's true. I can't even pretend it's just for the plumbing. I want Clay just as badly now as I ever did. I might not understand him, but that doesn't mean I don't hunger for him.
I wonder if that makes me a bad daughter. I stare at my phone screen glumly.
"Nat?"
I look up-and do a double take.
It's Clay. He's approaching from down the hall, a pack slung over his shoulder. He's wearing a pair of bright blue swimming trunks that almost reach his knees, and an old T-shirt that's got the sleeves (and most of the side) cut off to reveal tanned skin underneath. He's wearing a baseball cap over his hair.
And he's shaved.
His beard is gone. Completely, utterly gone. I can't stop staring, because he looks so different. Gone is the rugged, hairy Clay from a few days ago, the man with the wild beard and wide grin. In its place is the boy I fell in love with seven years ago, his face a little paler along the jaw where his beard was. It's like looking at something out of the past, and for a moment, I can't breathe.
"You okay?" He pulls his cap off and adjusts it, and I can see he cut his hair, too. Instead of hanging long and unkempt, it's cut short on the sides and slightly longer on top. He looks so different.
"Your beard," I say faintly, shocked.
Clay comes up to me and I can see the strong lines of his jaw. My fingers itch to touch, but I don't know what to think, or if that'll even be welcomed. So I clench my hand at my side.
He gives me a slow smile that looks so different-and yet so very similar-than when his beard covers his face. "Didn't like how it tore up your skin when I was kissin' ya. Made your face all red and scratchy." He reaches out and cups my chin, rubbing his thumb along my jaw. "I didn't like that it hurt ya."
"I didn't mind it," I protest, and then I blush, because I really, really didn't mind it brushing up against certain spots of my anatomy.
"Well, it can grow back. But we'll see." His green eyes search my face and he drops his hand. "Everything okay?"
I recover quickly, nodding. "I was just calling to see how my dad was doing. He's not having a great day, but the nurses say there's not much to be done about it." I bite my lip. "I know they're right, but I still worry."
"Do you need to cancel today?" He shifts his weight, stepping away from me, and I want to protest and pull him closer. For some reason, it's important to me that he not step away from me.
"No," I say slowly, as if I'm still convincing myself. The nurses are right. I've been at my dad's side on days like this, and he won't recognize me. He won't recognize anyone. Going out of my way to head there-and break my deal with Clay-won't solve anything. If he's got competent nurses at his side already, I'll just be in the way. There's nothing I can do. "No, I'm going to stay."
His smile breaks out then, big and genuine, and I smile back. "Good, because I wanna talk. We need to head out if we're meetin' my family, though."
I gesture at the room door. "My friend Lexi's inside. I'll get her."
"You don't have to," a voice announces on the other side of the door. "I can stay here. You crazy kids go have fun in the sun doing people-y things."
I roll my eyes. "She wants to go," I reassure him.
"No, she doesn't," Lexi calls out from the other side. "She's just being a good friend."
"The best of friends," I agree. "And she's already got a swimsuit, so she's going."
"Damn it," I hear Lexi mutter.
Clay's brows draw together, studying my face. He looks confused.
I'm not surprised. Lexi's a lot to take in the first time you meet her. "My friend is a little . . . theatrical," I whisper. "And eccentric."
"She should fit right in, then," Clay tells me. "My family's got a whole lot of weird."
It's not a bad drive out to the Guadalupe River, though it's definitely an awkward one. For one, there's no limo today. It's only Clay and his oversized pickup truck. He drives, I sit in the middle, and Lexi sits to my other side. There's not a lot of privacy and Clay and I don't get a chance to talk, so the conversation that we do have is awkward and mostly revolves around the weather or the river itself. At one point, Lexi "innocently" asks him what work he had that involved him leaving me behind for three days, and that shuts down the conversation pretty fast.
It's silent the rest of the way, until Clay parks his truck. "You ready?"
"No," Lexi says flatly.
I nudge her. "Yes, we are. Get out of the damn car, Lexi." I look over at Clay and smile. "She's fun, I promise."
"No, I'm not," Lexi adds, but she gets out of the car.
I can tell Lexi's going to be a lot of fun today. I'm worried about bringing her, but she brightens at the sight of the group of people standing near a picnic table at the edge of the water. There's several large inner tubes waiting, and a man and a heavily pregnant blonde woman stand near a grill, starting a fire. Seated atop the table are three other bearded men that look like Clay's brothers. They're all dressed in torn-up, trashed shirts, trucker caps, and swimsuits. One's even wearing a camo swimsuit-the youngest-looking, whose blond beard looks a bit scruffier than the others.
"You're right, this is going to be fun," she announces.
"I'm glad you approve," I mutter, but I get all distracted when Clay moves to my side and puts his arm around my waist, like I'm his girlfriend. Like I belong to him.
Then again, I do belong to him, at least for a little while. Maybe I'm reading too much into things.
We approach, and the moment we do, the three guys seated on the table start snickering into their cans of beer, their gazes focused on Clay.
"Yuck it up," Clay says, good-natured.
"You look like you're twelve," one of his brothers comments, and the others howl with laughter. They start elbowing each other and talking over one another loudly, teasing Clay about how white his jaw is compared to the rest of him.
The man at the barbecue turns, and he gets a knowing look on his face as he glances over at me. "You must be Natalie," he says, putting out a hand for me to shake. "I'm Boone, Clay's older brother."
"Pleased to meet you," I tell him. "This is my friend Lexi. I hope it's all right that we showed up."
"I insisted," says the blonde, coming up to Boone's side and hanging off his arm. Her belly is enormous, and she's wearing a long, filmy cover-up over her dark swimsuit, but neither manages to hide the fact that she's heavily pregnant. "The more the merrier, right? I'm Ivy, Boone's wife and Clay's sister-in-law." She beams at me, friendly and sweet. "We've heard so much about you already."
That sets the three men on the table to snickering again, and Ivy's look grows furious. She shoots them an angry stare and they get quiet.
"Let me introduce you to these hyenas," Clay murmurs, unruffled by his brothers. He points at the youngest-looking brother, who also has the lightest hair. "This one's Seth." The next down the line is darker skinned than the others, a faint Hispanic cast to his features. He's gorgeous, too, his beard thicker than night. "Gage." He points further down the line, to the one I've seen before. "And you met Knox briefly."
Seth eyes Lexi up and down. "This your friend? She looks weird."
"Thank you," Lexi says immediately. She crosses her arms over her chest and glances around. "So this is society? Fascinating."
"This is my friend Lexi," I announce. "She's really very sweet once you get to know her."
"Take that back," Lexi demands, and saunters ahead to the water's edge. "I'll be by the water, frightening children, if anyone needs me."
Ivy's eyebrows go up in surprise.
"Oh, she's serious," I point out. "But I promise she's harmless. She's mostly going to lurk and look menacing."
Knox gets up from the table, clearly intrigued, and heads after Lexi.
"Well," Ivy says, flustered. "My sister, Wynonna, and her friend are running late, and the food won't be ready for at least another hour or so. You guys want to raft for a bit and head back about noon?"
I start to offer to help out, when Clay takes my bag from my shoulder. "Sounds good. Me and Nat are gonna head down to the water."