I needed to see her. I couldn't take it all in.
I'll meet with them later to go over it all again, figure out what the next steps are.
The moment I see my mother's eyes, I'm flooded with relief.
She knows who I am.
"Hi, Mom," I say, sitting down on the doctor's stool next to her bed and taking her hand in mine.
"Jax."
"How are you feeling?"
"I've been better." She gives me a wan smile, her eyes sparkling a little. "Some hospital, isn't it?"
"The best in the city. Only the best for you, Mom."
Her smile widens a little. "You're a good son."
"I don't know about that."
"The best son."
"I'm your only son."
We both laugh, and I squeeze her hand.
"What's this I hear about your organs, Mom? Have you not been taking care of them?"
Her face turns serious. "I do try my best, Jax. But I'm not always myself these days."
"You are right now."
"I am right now," she agrees, then sighs. "We haven't had a chance to talk."
"You can just rest, if you want. I don't have any news."
"No? What happened to that nice girl you were seeing? Lydia?"
I can't remember ever telling my mother about dating a girl named Lydia, but suddenly I'm overtaken by the urge to tell her about Cate.
"Actually, I was seeing a different girl. Her name is Cate, and she's … " There's so much to say about her, but I have no idea how much time I have before my mother's gone again. "She's incredible."
"Well, she'd have to be, in order to be enough for you. What happened to her?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said you were seeing someone. Did she leave you?"
"Yes." There's no time for anything but honesty now.
"Why, Jax? What did you do?"
"What makes you think it was my fault?" I try to grin at my mother even as my smile falters.
"I know you." Her tone is soft but serious.
"Okay," I say. "I'll admit it. I tried to … " How can I explain this? Every time I tell someone else what I did, I sound like more and more of a psycho. "I tried to have her job changed. It's a long story, but the stress was really eating her alive … anyway, the company she worked for let her go before I had the chance to tell her what my plan was."
"Oh, Jax." My mom purses her lips, frowning at me, and I'm newly ashamed of what I did. "I hope you apologized."
"She didn't want to hear it."
"But you need her to." I can't hide anything from her. Even now, when her mind is in the process of deserting her completely, she can read my face like an open book.
"I do. I actually-I have something planned for her. I was on my way to give it to her when I heard you'd been brought here. And you-" I give my mom's hand another squeeze. "I couldn't leave before I was sure that you were okay."
"Jax," she says, looking deeply into my eyes. "Jax, you go to that girl right now and make things right."
"Don't worry, Mom. I can go when I'm sure that everything here is-"
"No." Her voice is full of authority. No question-I got all of my best qualities from her. "You go right now. I'll be just fine here. And if I'm not-" She shrugs. "I'm getting old anyway."
My mom's eyes are getting heavy. She struggles to keep them open. "All right. Mom knows best."
"I do."
I kiss her on the forehead. "I love you, Mom."
"You … " says my mother, and then she's asleep.
I turn on my heel. Back to the airport. I have to get to Cate.
Chapter 43
Cate
I'm taking a turn holding Gabi while Bee and I discuss my options. She opens and closes her tiny mouth as she repositions her head against my shirt. I've never been around babies this new before, and despite how unbelievably tiring it seems to be when they wake you up all night, it's making me reconsider my commitment to having everything totally perfect before I move on to other life phases.
Of course, when I think about that, my mind goes back to Jax. He's the one I want.
And I had to go and ruin it.
At least Bee is here to help me figure out what comes next in my life.
"What do you think you'll do?" she says as she changes Izzy's fiftieth diaper of the day. "Are you going to go back to New York, or do you think you'll try somewhere else-maybe out West?"
"I don't know," I muse, stroking Gabi's soft head. "If I go back to the city, I'll have to have a job lined up in a matter of days. I have savings, but not enough that I'd want to blow it all staying in my apartment while I look for a new gig."
"Cate. Come on. Like people wouldn't be falling all over themselves to hire you."
One person fell all over himself to get close to me at any cost, and I pushed him away.
"I wouldn't know. I've focused so much on Basiqué that I haven't really been networking."
"You don't need a huge network. You have an incredible resume, and everybody who meets you will fall in love with you instantly."
I roll my eyes. My sister has a high opinion of me, which is wonderful … but it isn't a guarantee that I can get my life back on track now that my days at Basiqué are over. I'll give myself another day to wallow in the uncertainty, and then I'll snap myself out of it and start the job hunt.
You do learn one thing working for Sandra: how to shove your emotions so far down that they don't stop you from working sixteen-hour days for months straight. Bee's right. All I really have to do is put the effort in, and I'm sure I'll find something else.
It just won't be what I wanted.
I'm pretty sure nothing will be exactly what I want, now that I've kicked Jax to the curb. Metaphorically, of course. He probably owns half the curbs in New York City.
That's where my heart is, in more ways than one, but how could I walk to work today knowing that he's so close, and so untouchable?
"Maybe I'll check out the west coast."
"Whatever you do, don't sound so excited about it."
"It's just that I can't see-"
A knock at the door interrupts me mid-sentence.
"I'll get it," Dex calls from the kitchen, and he makes his way down the hall in a flash. Bee rises from the floor with Izzy in her arms and sways side to side, cooing to her, humming under her breath.
"Uh … hello," I hear Dex say, and I wonder who it is.
Door-to-door salesmen don't exist anymore, so it's probably someone coming by with a gift for the twins. Things have been arriving sporadically since they came home from the hospital-a home-cooked meal here, a box of diapers there. Most people want to help out, but they're too timid to stay long. And underneath her grateful smiles, Bee's not looking for too many visitors. She confided that to me shortly after coming home from the hospital. It makes me feel good to know that I'm one of the only people she can tolerate.
"Jax Hunter. I'm here to see Cate … and I have a few things to deliver to you, as well."
The instant I hear his voice, my entire body lights up. Shivers run from my neck all the way down to my tailbone, and though my arms stay relaxed-I won't disturb Gabi for anything in the world-the rest of my muscles tense, my mouth dropping open in surprise.
"Dex Stevens. I'd shake your hand, but-" He laughs. "Come on in."
Then Jax is stepping into the living room, his arms filled with two bouquets of flowers.
"Hi," he says to me.
I can hardly make my mouth work. "Hi." The sight of him, God, it's like the fucking sunrise, the most gorgeous sight I've ever seen and ever will see again. "What are you doing here?"
He gives me a half-smile but his eyes stay locked on my face as if he's trying to figure out what I'm thinking. Nothing. I'm thinking nothing. My brain is a cascade of images-touching him, kissing him, getting fucked by him-and there are no words.
"I came to bring some flowers and congratulate your sister."
"Thank you so much," Bee says, a bright smile on her face. "Those are beautiful. Is one for Cate?" Leave it to her to say just the right thing.
"You guessed it. Is there somewhere I can put them?"
"Absolutely. You must be Jax, then. I've heard a lot about you."
"And you're Bee. Cate talks about you all the time."
Jax follows her into the dining room, and Dex leaps to my side, carefully taking Gabi from my arms. "Your billionaire dude is here," he says.
"Very helpful, Dex."
"Are you two going to make up?"
I groan. "Does Bee tell you everything?"
"Yeah. Can you blame her?"
"No."
Then Jax is coming back into the room, followed close behind by Bee. He has his hands in his pockets. It's the first time I've ever seen him look nervous.
"Cate, I have something to show you. Would you come out with me for just a while?"
The heat in my cheeks, the heat in my chest. All the anger I felt when I walked into work on my last day at Basiqué is gone. My heart does a slow turn. "Yes," I whisper, and when he takes my hand to lead me out, I follow him.