"What the fuck is your problem?" I shout, locking my eyes on his. "If you don't think I should be working out, cancel my sessions. Here. I'll do it. We're done, Carl."
Carl puts both hands on his face and takes a deep breath before he speaks again. "Cate, I don't know how to say this in a way that will get through to you, but I'm worried as hell about you. You have this look in your eyes that … it's scary, Cate. I haven't canceled our sessions because, to be totally honest, I'm afraid that if you work out by yourself you might take it too far, and … " He can't finish. "It could be a bad situation."
All the fight goes out of me, and it hits me what a royally bitchy person I've become.
This isn't like me.
Before the last year of my life, I lived for kindness, for fun, for laughter. For friends.
Now I'm an overtired shrew who yells at everyone who tries to be nice to her.
My shoulders droop under my shame. I owe another person an apology. They're starting to stack up.
"I'm really sorry, Carl." My voice comes out not much louder than a whisper. "I've been-" There's a lump in my throat, and I have to swallow in order to be able to speak again. "Things haven't been easy."
"I can see that," Carl says gently, patting me on the shoulder. "Listen, it's okay. I'm just telling you, friend to friend … " His eyes are serious, sincere. "You have to back off. Maybe not totally, but something has to give."
His words echo my own thoughts, and when he says it out loud, it's a lot harder for me to brush it off.
"I know."
"Nobody's going to think you don't care about the job. Just think about it, okay?"
"I will."
Carl walks me to the car and closes the door behind me. I roll down the window before Mark pulls away. "You'll think about it?"
I nod, my throat tight.
How many more people have to warn you?
With a couple of taps on the roof of the car, Carl sends me on the way to my apartment.
I drop my head into my hands.
I'm already exhausted.
It's 6:30 a.m.
For the first time in months I take a lunch break. Basiqué has a great cafeteria, and I buy the adult equivalent of a bag lunch and take it outside to a bench in front of the building. I'm just biting into an almond butter-and-jelly sandwich on artisan bread when my cell phone buzzes. It's Bee. We haven't talked in a few days, and she wants to video chat.
Why the hell not?
I put down the sandwich and hold the phone up in front of my face, then press connect.
Bee's face comes into view. She's wearing a big smile and laughing at something I can't see-but then she sees my image and the smile fades. "Cate? Are you all right?"
If Bee thinks I look like shit, then it's game over. Something has to change.
My witty excuse dies on my tongue. "No. Not really, Bee."
"What's wrong?"
I tell her everything. Meeting Jax, the incredible attraction between us … going to the hospital, staying at his place.
"You were in the hospital and you didn't call?"
"I didn't want you to worry. It wasn't-it didn't seem like that big of a deal."
"It's a big deal, Cate!"
"I know. I know."
"Is there something else?"
"Jax and I got into a fight last night."
"Over what?"
"He wants me to take time off work."
Bee shakes her head. "He's right."
"How can you be on his side?"
She rolls her eyes. "I'm looking at you right now. You shouldn't be at work. Have you seen your own face recently?"
"I do my makeup every day, don't I?"
"Right. So how are you so blind to this?"
"I know it's a problem, okay? I just-I can't stop, Bee. If I stop, everything comes crumbling down."
"Are you hearing yourself? It's not that extreme, Cate. It's just not. Listen to your boyfriend. He's rich, not stupid."
A burst of anger gets the better of me. "Every single person is on his side with this, and it's making me fucking furious."
Bee bursts out laughing. "Cate! Take a minute and think about what you just said. Everyone is on his side because he's right."
"I don't want him to be right." My voice is small, and I hate it.
"Them's the breaks." A little voice calls to Bee from offscreen. "I gotta go, Cate. Forgive me for being on his side? Even if it's because I love you?"
"I forgive you."
She blows me a kiss and disconnects the call, and someone sits down next to me on the bench.
It's Jax.
"Your sister?" he says carefully.
"Yeah," I say. "Bee."
A long moment goes by.
I hate being in the wrong, but I hate not touching him more.
After a long moment, I slide over and rest my head on his shoulder.
"I haven't been myself."
"It's all right. I have a suggestion."
"What is it?"
"Let me show you a good time. Forget about all this for an evening. It'll be a reset."
"Tomorrow night?"
"If you're free."
"Can I come home with you afterward?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
Chapter 31
Jax
I'm a man of my word, and when I tell Cate I'm going to show her a good time, I goddamn mean it.
Friday evening, she leaves the office at 6:00, and when she gets back to her apartment I'm already there-along with the most highly recommended masseuse in the city and a full hair and makeup team, along with a stylist I've hired for the evening.
"Jax," she says when she walks in the door, her face lighting up. "What is this?"
"The first part of your good time."
The masseuse has set up in her bedroom, and while he's working on her I finalize the details for the evening. Thirty minutes later, she emerges from her bedroom freshly showered, wrapped in a brand-new plush robe that I left on her bed.
The team, which has been milling around in her living room, springs into action.
For once, Cate's making all the approvals-and they're for no one but herself. Her cheeks are pink from the heat of the shower and she can't stop herself from grinning.
When we step out of her apartment an hour later, she is a fucking vision in a champagne dress, her hair in a sleek twist behind her head, jewelry glittering on her wrist, around her neck, earrings twinkling on her earlobes.
"Stop," I tell her, my tone teasing and light.
"Stop what?"
"You're taking my breath away."
The cheesy line makes her laugh, and she's still smiling when we get down to the car waiting at the curb. It's a brand new Jaguar. It's a beauty-all sleek lines and curves and power. I know Cate doesn't have the time or energy to care about cars, but even she can appreciate this one.
"Wow-you're really pulling out all the stops!" she exclaims as I open the passenger door for her. I'll be driving tonight.
"You have no idea."
Our first stop: Haute, one of the most exclusive restaurants in the city. I'm friends with the chef, who sends out dish after dish of a menu customized to Cate's preferences.
"How does he know?" she whispers to me across the table, and the sweetness in her face-still a little pale underneath the flawless makeup-breaks my goddamn heart.
I lean forward as if I'm about to tell her a state secret. "I gave him a list of all of your favorite things. He's tailoring everything that comes to this table to your specific tastes."
Cate shakes her head. "Unbelievable."
"What's unbelievable about it?"
"That you can do this."
"I can do anything."
"So I see."
"Except convince you to … " I reconsider. "Never mind."
"Convince me to what?"
I reach across the table and take her hand. "Quit your job."
Irritation flashes across her face. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."
"It's probably for the best."
"Let's not talk about work."
"Let's talk about something better."
"What's that?"
"Bed."
She laughs, a beautiful, throaty sound. "Not in a place as fancy as this."
"Are you sure you want to say no to me, Ms. Schaffer?" I inject just a hint of kink into my tone.
Cate bites her lip and looks at me with lust written across her face. "Not entirely."
I stand up, tossing my napkin onto my seat. "Come with me."
She doesn't hesitate. "Where?"
"Leave your purse. We'll be back."
I take her hand and pull her through the restaurant. It's on the twentieth floor, and there's only one thing above us: a private observation deck that's only available to members such as myself.
I'm on her as soon as the elevator doors close, tasting the sweetness of her skin, covering her mouth with mine, running my hands over the curves of her hips. She moans into my mouth, her body fitting to mine, and doesn't break the kiss until the elevator doors slide open.
The view of the city from here is breathtaking, especially now, when all the lights on the deck are off. It's completely deserted.