Why would he keep something like this from me? Why hadn’t they shut down the testing? I thought about calling Cash, but her loyalty was obviously to my father if she hadn’t told me already. I was going to have to dig this out myself. Money. That had to be it. At the last sales meeting, he’d mentioned a drop in our sales. Prenavene was a way to bring the company back. Were we really that desperate for a new drug that he would do something like this? Risk everything?
The next morning, I went into the office early. My father arrived promptly at six o’clock every day. I had an hour before he would show. I had a set of spare keys to his office. I unlocked the door and flicked on the light. Stepping around to his computer, I powered it on, drumming my fingers on his desk. His level of access in the system was higher than mine. I would need his passcodes to access his files. Swearing, I typed in my parents' wedding anniversary. Incorrect Code popped up on the screen. That was a terrible guess on my part — he wasn’t exactly the sentimental type.
I tried birthdates, my sister's and mine. Nothing. Finally, I tried the coordinates to his hunting cabin in North Carolina. The system magically opened, and I had the vast grid of OPI-Gem in front of me. I clicked on the icon marked Prenavene and went to town.
It was true. Oh God, it was true. By the time I locked the door to his office, I had enough information to shut down my father’s company and put him in prison for the rest of his life. The worst part was I wanted to. No, I didn’t. He was my father … well, kind of. He’d raised me. Or maybe Mattia had raised me. I wasn’t even sure anymore.
My head throbbed as I made my way to the elevator. I was going to call in sick. I couldn’t look all of those people in the face when I knew what I knew. I had to figure this out. Find a way to know exactly who was involved and who was being kept in the dark like me. My head was down as the doors opened. When I looked up, he was standing in front of me, a newspaper tucked under his arm. Shit, why hadn’t I thought to take the stairs?
I threw my shoulders back, forcing a smile.
“Good morning, Daddy.”
He nodded at me, exiting the elevator. Then all of a sudden, he stopped. “Why are you here so early?”
The lie rolled off my tongue easily. “I’m not feeling well today. I just came in to pick up some work. I’m taking the day off.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You look fine. Go home and change and come back in. I need you here today.”
“I’m sick,” I said, like he hadn’t heard me the first time.
“This is a pharmaceutical company, Johanna. Go get some samples out of storage and medicate yourself.”
I watched the empty hallway for a good minute after he’d disappeared into his office. Did that really just happen? Of course it did. My father hadn’t taken a sick day in twenty years of work, what would make me think it would be okay to offer him illness as an excuse? I stepped into the elevator and the door closed. If I hurried, I could be back in forty minutes.
Chapter Twenty-SevenPresent
Caleb took the baby to his condo the day after he came to pick up his clothes. His face was grim and determined as he stood at the door and let me say goodbye. I kiss the red fuzz on her head and smile casually. I am treating this whole situation as if they are going to the supermarket rather than moving out. Bide your time. Let him see how hard it is to take care of a baby by himself. I feel smug as they pull out of the driveway. Sometimes a little separation is good for the soul. Caleb is a family man. In a few days, he’ll be back, and I’ll try harder. Everything will work out. Estella is my sure thing. She’ll keep us tied together no matter how bad things get.
When his car lights disappear, I open the freezer and pull out two bags of frozen vegetables. Carrying them to the table, I poke holes in the plastic with my finger and start thumbing peas into my mouth. There are things I could do to make the situation better. Katine takes her kids to Mommy & Me classes. They sit in circles and sing and bang fucking tambourines. I could do that.
The doorbell rings. I shove a handful of lima beans into my mouth and dance toward the door. Maybe, Caleb has changed his mind already.
My husband is not standing on the doorstep. I eye the man who is.
“What do you want?”
“I came to see if you were all right.”
“Why wouldn’t I be all right?” I snap. I make to close the door, but he pushes past me and walks into the foyer.
“You shouldn’t be here.” My words might as well be vapor. They don’t reach him, or he has his own agenda, per usual.
He looks over his shoulder at me, his smirk so familiar I feel my vertigo slip.
“Of course I should be here. I’m checking up on my sister-in-law. It’s the family thing to do, especially since my brother has left you.”
I throw the door closed and the pictures on the wall rattle.
“He hasn’t left me, you abhorrent prick.” I march past him and sit at the table with my peas.
He strolls in a moment later and starts examining the photos on the wall like he’s never seen them. I eat my peas one by one and watch him.
Finally, he sits down across from me, folding his hands on the tabletop.
“What did you do this time?”
I look away from the smug expression on his face. “I didn’t do anything. Everything is fine. He hasn’t left me.”
“I heard they passed you up for the Mommy of the Year award.”
I bite the insides of my cheek and refuse to respond. Seth gets up and ambles over to the liquor cabinet, pouring himself a finger of Caleb’s Scotch.
“If you keep it up, my baby brother might actually file the papers this time. A man can only take so much of your never-ending antics.”
I throw him a dirty look. “And then what, Seth? You move in and take over his life?”
This time I’ve thrown him off balance. He lifts the glass to his lips, never breaking eye contact with me. Unlike his brother’s, Seth’s eyes are grey. At the moment, I can almost see the smoke coming out of them.
“Did I hit a nerve, big brother? Wanting what Caleb has again?”
I stand up and make to walk past him, but he grabs my upper arm. I struggle to free myself, but he squeezes until I still.
His mouth is next to my ear. “Maybe I should tell him that I’ve already had what’s his.”
I yank myself free.
“Get out of my house.”
He sets his glass down and winks at me, heading for the door. “I think I’ll go visit my baby niece today. Buh-bye, Leah.”
The door closes. “Son of a bitch,” I say. I mean this literally. I march back to the kitchen and pick up the phone. I needed to get out, do something, but ... not something destructive. I pass by Katine’s name and pause over Sam’s.
“What’s up, gay man?” I say into the receiver.
“That’s kind of offensive, Leah.”
“I was thinking we could do a little shopping today. Maybe lunch?”
“Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m going to be your flaming sidekick.”
“Oh, come on. You like wine! We could get some wine … go to Armani…”
“I’m busy today,” he says. “I have to run errands.”
“I’ll come with you. Come pick me up.”
He sighs. “All right. But, you better be ready when I honk.”
“You will come to the door like a gentleman,” I say, before hanging up.
I go upstairs to change and come back downstairs just in time to hear the obnoxious wail of the horn on his Jeep.
I sit on the couch and smooth out my dress. I will not be summoned outside. I wait for a minute or two, expecting to hear his knock, but instead, I hear the Jeep pulling out of the driveway. Before he can leave, I jump up and race outside.
“You’re such an asshole,” I say, throwing myself into the front seat. He pulls a face at me to show his displeasure.
“I’m not playing games with you, Leah. Don’t you get tired of always trying to win?”
“No,” I snap. “That would make me a loser.”
He shakes his head and turns up the music to drown out anything else I might want to say. I sit quietly and smoke. I don’t know where we are going, but I’m glad to be out of the house that’s saturated with way too many memories. I want … I need to be Caleb-free for a few hours. Get back to my roots.
I turn down the radio. Fuck Coldplay. What the hell type of spell do they have on everyone? Artsy fartsy juju. When Caleb comes home I’m going to make him throw away all of their CDs.
“Let’s do something fun.”
Sam runs a hand down his face. “I will take you home right now, and you can sit in your big, empty house and stew about your small, empty life. Do you understand?”
“God, you’re a killjoy.” I pluck a piece of tobacco from my tongue and flick it out of the Jeep.
His words hurt me. Sam is a straight shooter, but right now I need to be coddled and told that I’m pretty.
Ten minutes later, we pull into the parking lot of a Wal-Mart.
My feet, which are resting on the dash, immediately come down. “Oh, hell no! I am not going in there.”
He shrugs and gets out of the car. “Sam!” I call after him. “Wal-Mart gives me hives.”
After a few seconds, I scramble out of the car and chase after him. I follow him to the back of the store where he throws a dozen green light bulbs into a cart and wheels maniacally toward the food section.