"I've always thought you were strong. You were the strength I needed every day in my life. It was never that I thought you weren't strong enough." She covered her face with her hands. "It was because I wasn't strong enough."
"Where's the baby Sierra? What happened to the baby?" I felt a desperate instinct kick in. Maybe that should have been my first question. Where was my child?
"It wasn't ever going to be a baby. The pregnancy was ectopic. I miscarried two months after I left."
"Shit." My mouth hung open.
"By then I didn't think I could come back. I had already ruined everything. And I couldn't tell you I had lost the baby. I just couldn't."
"I could have handled it."
"Really?" she questioned. "Your mom was gone. You were grieving and I didn't want to ruin the happiness you had in your life. You deserved those. You were already headed to the conference championships. You were rookie of the year. You had a new girlfriend." Her eyes hardened. "I didn't have a place in your life anymore."
"She wasn't a girlfriend. And it wasn't a happy time." I ran my hands through my hair. "This is fucking unbelievable."
I rose from the floor and paced the edge of the porch. I felt like a caged tiger. There was nowhere to go. And even though I felt restless, I felt like I couldn't leave her. Not after she had just told me she was going to have my baby all of those years ago.
"I know. I know it is. And I'm sorry, Blake. I should have been stronger back then, but I wasn't. You were my life. My everything. I didn't know what to do without you. And I didn't have the courage to stand up to your dad. Not without you I couldn't."
My hand rested on the railing and I looked at her.
"All these years I've been angry as hell at you."
"I know you have."
"So angry, I wanted every trace of you gone. Every memory. Every song. Every movie. Every joke we laughed about. And you know how I did it?"
She shook her head slowly.
"I fucked every woman I met. I fucked them so you wouldn't be in here anymore." I pounded my chest. "I threw everything I had into football. And I became the best. The absolute best." I clenched my jaw. "So I guess I should thank you for that, Sierra." The bitterness in my voice was palpable. I didn't know if I was angrier before she told me or now.
"Blake … "
"Don't," I growled. "Don't you dare give me your fucking pity." I glared at her. "I got over you. And some story about a baby that doesn't exist doesn't bring that all back."
Her slender frame extended from the chair and she walked toward me. Graceful. Beautiful. Sexy.
"It doesn't have to bring anything back."
Her hand touched my arm, singeing my skin with heat.
"But the secrets are gone. The lies are out," she whispered. "This is who we are now." Her hand moved up my arm.
"I can't go back to who I used to be," I warned her.
"I don't want you to," she whispered. "I want to know this version of you. I want to know the man you are.
"Every time we get close again I hold back. I've been afraid you would find out the truth. And now that I know about your dad … " Her words drifted off.
"You were that scared of him?" I questioned.
She nodded. "He was your father, and I know you're in pain dealing with his death, but he terrified me."
"You never should have felt threatened. Never."
My hands balled into fists by my side. The need to hold her and protect her against the injustice consumed me. I didn't care if it was my father or a stranger-she never should have faced that fear alone.
"Blake, can you forgive me? Can you try to understand why I kept the secret?"
"I get it when you were eighteen, but why didn't you say something sooner? Why did you wait until today? Why now? You could have tracked me down. You could have tried, damn it."
"It seemed too late. I didn't want to live in the past. I didn't want to relive the pain, honestly. Knowing what we could have had." She bit her lip. "It haunts me every day. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"I hate what happened. I hate you were scared. I hate you were alone."
She locked her gaze on me. "But do you hate me?"
"God, no. I don't hate you."
And I lost it. I lost the reasons I was angry, or the reasons I wasn't. I didn't care about the house, or the fact that she was leaving. I didn't care she had left. And that if she had to do it all again, she'd probably make the same decision. I didn't care about any of that shit right now. All I cared about was taking her to bed. Taking her in my arms. And drowning in her.
19
Sierra
Blake's mouth pressed against mine and his hands tangled through my hair. I sighed when his tongue coiled inside my mouth. His body towered over mine, pinning me with his strength. I melted into his arms as the kiss grew wilder.
We were on fire. Desperate to erase the pain. Determined to discover everything that was new between us.
He picked me up easily and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
The door squeaked as he pried it open and carried me inside. I don't know why I thought we'd make it up the stairs. Blake didn't walk past the couch.
He lowered me to the sofa as he started peeling the clothes from my body. His hands were everywhere, tugging and tearing.
I looked into his eyes when I was down to my bra and panties. Panties that were soaking wet.
"Fuck, Sierra."
I moaned. I could barely breathe.
He dropped to his knees, separating my legs. His thumb pressed into my thigh, running toward my center. He slipped past the fabric and made a rough circle over my clit.
"Ohh," I whimpered.
"So fucking wet." He grinned.
I wanted to lie down. Or sit forward. Or stand up. I didn't know what to do. My body was burning and aching for him in a way I didn't know was possible.
His thumb continued to explore my wet folds and my hips danced for him. Grinding into the pressure. Creating friction wherever I could find it. And then he pushed inside me with a finger and I hissed with pleasure.
His eyes lit. "You know this is going to get dirty, baby. I'm not the boy you used to sleep with in high school."
"Oh God," I whimpered. "I don't want you to be. What do you want me to do?" I could hear the breathiness of my voice. I sounded sexy and hot.
"Everything I say."
I nodded enthusiastically.
He unbuttoned his shorts and I watched in amazement as they fell from the defined lines of his hip bones. He was a god. A rock hard god, with the biggest cock I'd ever had. I licked my lips, remembering how much I loved it. How much pleasure it had always brought me. How it had been the first cock I'd ever tasted or had inside me. I had been a high school girl then. Blake was getting ready to know the woman I had become.
I leaned forward, my hands circling his shaft. Gliding over the smoothness of his skin. My eyes lit with desire when I saw vein on his cock throb with want. I traced a line with my index finger, following the path to the tip. I massaged the dewey drop of cum over the top, making him groan. He thrust his hips forward.
"You want me, don't you?" he asked.
"Yes. Please." I looked into his eyes expectantly as he pressed his shaft to my parted wet lips.
I groaned feeling the silkiness over my lips.
"Do you know how many times I've come just by remembering how it felt to fuck your mouth?" he growled.
My lips parted slightly as my tongue darted out to taste him. My eyes closed in ecstasy. And then he thrust inside me. My mouth filled with the rigid fullness of his hard dick. I sucked and licked while he pumped in and out of my mouth. Each time going deeper until he hit the back of my throat.
I closed my eyes with the memories of this. I loved sucking him. I loved how he tasted. I loved his cock. I always had.
"Fuck, baby. No one gives head like you do." He pumped harder and I whimpered with the intensity. Blake's hands pressed into the back of my head, guiding me where he wanted my mouth.
My tongue moved wildly. My mouth begged for more and I could feel the way the rest of my body reacted to him. There was a flutter in my core sending sparks to my clit. My nipples hardened in tight peaks. The sensations were almost too much.
I sucked harder, desperate to give him undeniable pleasure. To taste his release. I whimpered, wanting the satisfaction to flood us both.
But just as I was getting lost in my mission he pulled out and his eyes were devilishly dark and mischievous.