Dirty Dom(49)

Only, I don’t remember it ever hurting this much.





Dom





I can’t fucking sleep. She ripped my fucking heart out. How the fuck am I supposed to react to that? I’m trying real fucking hard not to take offense to that. That’s when she draws the line? I can fuck her all I want. Talk about using her pussy as payment and fucking make love to her in my bed. But I can’t read her kid a bed time story?

She had no fucking underwear on. My cum was probably leaking down her thigh. But she’d rather that?

She fucking safe worded me. I’ve only been safe worded a handful of times when I first started playing. I know limits. I know what women want. I’m good at reading their body language. But I can’t read her, my doll. Just thinking of my pet name for her has my heart clenching in agony.

I’m a fucking fool for thinking she’s mine. She’s not meant to be with a man like me and it’s obvious she wants it to stay that way.

I thought she felt it. How could she not? I gave her everything. I feel raw and broken. And now she’s laying next to me, right where I fucked her, on her side with her back to me, pretending to sleep. I know she’s awake. Her breathing isn’t even close to even.

I’m not gonna do this. I’m not going to put up with this shit.

She wants to act like that, it’s on her. But my heart is fucking open and I’m not going to let her pretend I didn’t just make love to her. That I didn’t just see right into her fucking soul as she came on my dick. It was fucking beautiful. I’m not going to let her disrespect that.

“Why are you pretending to sleep, doll?” I ask, doing my best to keep the contempt out of my voice.

“I’m not pretending.” Her voice comes out confident and then low. “Just trying to sleep.”

“You don’t want me to hold you after tonight?” That fucking hurts too. I should be all over her. Making sure she’s alright. I know better than to let her be on her own. But fuck, I’m hurting after that shit.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to.” Her voice breaks at the end. My brows raise in surprise.

“Babe?” I lean over and turn her so her back is on the bed. Her cheeks are tear stained. Fuck! “Doll, what’s wrong?” I pull her into my embrace and she fucking loses it. “Have you been crying this whole time?”

“No.” She shakes her head into my chest and barely gets the word out.

“Let it out babe.” I gently rub her back and feel like a fucking prick. I’ve been laying here pissed because she doesn’t want me around her son, yet she’s been crying right next to me and I didn’t even know. “Tell me what’s wrong.” I speak gently, but firmly. I know she’s gonna try to find a way around telling me what’s bothering her. My heart twists in agony; she didn’t want me to know she was crying.

“I know this is going fast babe, but you gotta try to trust me.”

A sob leaves her as she shakes her head. “It’s alright babe, just let it all out.”

“I can’t.” She pushes away from me with tears in her red-rimmed eyes. Her plush lips are turned down and I still think she looks so damn beautiful. I don’t know how I ever looked at her before. But something’s different now.

“You can babe, just let it out.”

She shakes her head and her chest heaves with a sob, her shoulders bowing inward. “I can’t with you.” She sucks in a strangled breath. “This,” motioning between us, “I can’t.” Her voice chokes on the last word. And it may as well have choked me.

My chest hollows and I let out a heavy breath, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and letting her cry into my chest. I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain like this. I don’t fucking like it.

“You don’t wanna be with me, doll?” I need her to say the words. I don’t want to hear them, but I need her to say them.

“That’s not it.” A spark of hope flares in my chest, until she adds, “Jax.” My breath stops short. “I can’t do this to Jax,” she cries into my chest.

“Because I’m in the mob?” somehow I ask clearly.

“I can’t give him that life.” She shakes her head and I hardly hear her words through her tears.

I swallow the lump growing in my throat. “You don’t think I’d be good for him?” I’d be great for him. I don’t know much about kids, but I’d learn. I’d treat them both better than her shit husband did.

She pulls away from me and looks at me with disbelief. “How could you?” She wipes the tears away with the back of her hand and tries to get off the bed. I snatch her wrist and pull her closer to me. I take her lips with mine and push her back onto the mattress. One hand on her throat and one beside her head, bracing my body. I cage her in and kiss her with everything I have. Her finger nails dig into my back.