Dom puts his hand on my thigh and squeezes. A sense of family and belonging that I haven’t felt in so long overwhelms me. I watch him as he smiles and makes a face at Gino. Is this what it would be like, if what was between us was more? Is that even an option? I never gave it a thought. Never considered it. A man like him doesn’t settle down. But this feels so right.
No, what am I thinking? I could’ve died today because of him. A lump grows in my throat as I look at Jax smiling and bumping shoulders with Gino. I could never let this happen. As soon as Dom gives me the chance to leave, I’m going to take it. I can’t allow Jax to grow up like this. Not with mobsters.
The lump grows thicker, threatening to choke me so I reach for my glass and try to calm myself.
“You look a little shaken.” A sweet, low whisper of concern comes from my left.
I give Dom’s mother a tight smile, “I’m fine.”
Dom looks at me from the corner of his eyes with a frown and runs his hand down my thigh.
“I know I shouldn’t ask, but if you’d like to talk I’m here for you.” I half expect the room to go silent, but Dom and the guys continue to joke and talk in the background. It’s almost like white noise. Linda’s light blue eyes are the same as Dom’s and they draw me in, offering me a place to confide.
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“Do what, dear?”
“This.” I barely speak the word. I don’t know how you can be married to the mob. I can’t just come out and say that, but after a short moment she seems to understand.
“Some days I don’t either. But I love my family. We’re all good people.” I stare at her as she takes another bite of shrimp. Are they? I highly doubt it, but then again I know nothing about it. I chance a question.
“What do they do?” I ask her with a low voice. The men continue their conversation and a bellow of laughs surround me.
“What do you mean?” She tilts her head in confusion.
“I mean, like, what is it that they do?”
Her eyes widen and her eyebrows raise. “Well, now. I don’t ask those kinds of questions and neither should you. But, I do happen to know that the bistro pulls in a hefty amount of money.” I stare at her considering her words. She can’t possibly believe that owning the bistro is all they do. Drugs and guns and murder. That’s what the mob does.
“When you love someone, it’s amazing what you’d do for them.” She gives me a warm smile, “one day I’ll have to tell you how Dante and I met. I’m sure you haven’t heard a story like ours before.” Her blue eyes twinkle with happiness. “I love my family.”
I consider her words. There’s no doubt she does. There’s obvious warmth and love in the room. But I could never raise my son like this. I feel like an asshole for judging her. And a hypocrite for fucking Dom and feeling so much for him so quickly. But this could never be my reality. Jax deserves a better chance at life. A good life. Not a life in the mob.
This is temporary. I have to make sure this doesn’t last.
Dom
I thought things were going well. And then she started talking to Ma. Her little boy is in the back, so I’m not going to question her on the drive back to my house, but as soon as we get alone, I wanna know what’s gotten into her head.
She looks so beautiful, leaning her head against the car door sleeping. So peaceful. Peaceful is the right word. She’s got faint wrinkles around her eyes and I know it’s from her stressing out. She’s type A personality without a doubt. I am too, but I don’t let it run me into the ground like she does.
But then again, I didn’t have the shitty luck she’s been having. It’s hard to believe a man would cheat on her. If I had to guess why, my guess would be money. His business had just failed. That and she was making more than him. Maybe he felt emasculated. I don’t know and don’t really give a shit why. He was a fucking idiot for cheating on her. And for leaving her.
I turn the wheel up the drive and park in the garage as usual. It feels different though. I take a peak over my shoulder and her little boy is passed out just like her. I don’t want to wake either of them so I silently slip out of my seat and gently close the door. I go around to Jax’s door and carefully pull him out, letting his head rest on my shoulder. It’s odd carrying a sleeping child. He’s light and limp. Probably drooling on my shirt. I stifle my chuckle and carry him into the house.
I have a guest room upstairs that’ll be perfect for him. It’s right next door to my room so I’m sure we’ll hear him if he wakes up. I lay him down nice and gentle and hold my breath while he readjusts and snuggles into the mattress. I really don’t need this kid waking up and freaking out.