Dirty Deeds(74)

I ran down the stairs to the bottom level where all the bedrooms and the engine room was. I wasn’t sure if I had carried enough C4 with me – I had never anticipated on using it on a ship, let alone one of this size – but if there was one place that would take to a boom, it was the engine. I stuck the last pieces all around the block, planted the dentonators and then ran up the stairs back to the second level. I was about to head toward the back, toward where I assumed Alana was when I looked back at the kitchen.

Esteban had moved. He was nowhere to be seen.

Before I could comprehend that, someone ran at me from behind and I went sailing over the edge of the railing. I grabbed on to the rail, trying to hold on to that and the remote control trigger at the same time.

Este appeared at the railing, blood running down the side of his face and pried the trigger out of my hand before he tried to stab my fingers with a knife.

I let go of the railing before he could cut my fingers off and fell down, down, straight into the water. From that height it knocked the wind out of me so it took me a moment to act. Then I quickly kicked up toward the surface and looked around. The Double Eagle was almost on top of me, so I grabbed hold of the side and hauled myself up and over as quickly as I could.

I had expected to see Alana on board but there was nothing. In fact, the boat was quickly drifting away from the yacht, the rope having been severed at some point.

Suddenly the air filled with the roar of an engine I saw the zodiac speed away into the night, a dark shadow at the helm.

Please let that be Alana on it, please.

But of course it wasn’t.

Another movement caught my eye and I looked up at the top of the boat. I could see Alana’s head bobbing as she ran along the side. She was still on the fucking boat!

“Alana!” I screamed, panic tearing through me. “Jump!”

She disappeared behind part of the bridge but I didn’t hear a splash. It looked like she had been about to run down the stairs.

“Alana!” I screamed again. “Please!”

Then my scream was swallowed instantaneously.

There was a burst of light, smoke, a ripple in the air. Then a split second later the whole world exploded. I was knocked flat on my back, my head striking the captain’s seat of the fishing boat as I went down. Debris rained down on me but I couldn’t even cover myself. I just let the sparks and bits of flaming boat hit me.

Alana.

Alana.

Alana.

Not again.

No, not again.

Somehow, I don’t know how, I managed to sit up. My head filled like it had been filled with gel, my hearing blocked, my eyes stinging. I crawled to the edge of the boat and looked out.

The Beatriz had been broken up into three pieces. At least, those three pieces were all that was left of it and quickly sinking down toward the ocean floor. Everything else was just a mess of debris and flaming water. Near the edge of the fishing boat I could the fat man’s severed arm floating beside a pillow.

Alana.

Alana.

“Alana!” I yelled, my voice catching in my throat. “Alana!”

I yelled and screamed and cried her name over and over and over again. I don’t know how long I had been doing it for but after some time it had turned to tears. Then more screams. Then a combination of the two.

She didn’t survive it.

No one could have survived that.

Este had escaped.

I had escaped.

And Alana was dead.

The job had finally been fulfilled.

She was finally dead.

And it was my fault.

I had failed Carmen, I had failed Alana. I had failed myself.

Esteban was right.

There was no redemption here.

There never really was.

Not for somebody like me.

The ones who do the dirty deeds can never really be washed clean.

I swallowed down the ugliest sorrow I ever felt in my life. I felt it eat at me as it went through my body, consuming all the love I had, my hopes and fears and dreams. Oh those dreams I had for us. Those wonderful fucking dreams.

I lay back in the boat, stared blankly at the night sky as the fire crackled faintly in the background, and prayed for death.

I prayed for the morning sun to come and bake me, for birds to peck at my flesh and sharks to eat my bones. I prayed to drift off to sea forever, until there was nothing left of me.

I prayed until I fell asleep.

And prayed I would never wake up.

***

In my dreams I saw Alana and Carmen, sitting on a beach and talking to each other. They were so beautiful in the sun, so different and yet so much alike. No wonder I was so taken by each of them so instantly. They were a breath of fresh air, a force of light and nature.

I walked out of the sea and stopped in front of them, salt water dripping down my body.

They both turned their faces toward me and smiled, happy to see me. It was blinding.

“We are finally free,” they said in unison. “You’ll be free too. Free and unafraid.”