I didn’t know I was going to be getting into porn. But what I did know was that I wasn’t going to stay broke, or middle class. I was going to be fucking big.
That seems like so long ago from now, doesn’t it? I mean, I know you know I’m famous; you see my face on all the newspapers and shit. But you never heard that little bit, did you?
I’d tell you more, but it’s time to start.
The starlets are all done with their fucking happy and giggly jiggling. Don’t look at me like that. I’ve fucked them all. They all moan like a whore when they've got my fucking cock between their legs.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever product launch by Illicit Entertainment,” I say into the microphone and watch as the photographers flash their cameras and people start to cheer.
Seriously, they’re cheering for me. A fucking pornographer. Sometimes it boggles the fucking mind. But we all gotta get laid, right? So maybe they know something I don’t. Maybe I’m fucking old fashioned.
“I hope you enjoyed the Illicit Entertainers,” I say gesturing to the girls. People cheer again. They’re clapping and hooting and hollering. Not just pervy fucking dudes either. We’re talking tourists snapping pictures with their iPhones—wife and kids in tow. Teenagers. Hell, is that a fucking priest in the crowd?
“Pornography has come a long way since the days of old, America,” I say, looking directly into the cameras now. I may be in Times Square, but my face is being beamed all over the world. “And today, Illicit Entertainment is going to take it into the next millennium.”
A collective hush goes over the crowd and I nod to the technical guys.
The stage darkens. A screen lights up behind me and our company logo appears. This is my cue.
“We used to have scrawling of people having sex on cave walls,” I begin, pacing my words like Cheryl taught me to. “But from cave art, we went to pictures. And pictures became magazines. Magazines became books, that went to movies.”
People are looking at me with rapt attention and they look at the screen, which shows a montage with wonder. Seriously, I’ve probably destroyed the values of the next generation, but whatever; it pays the bills.
“Movies changed when we got the VCR,” I say, and the screen behind me switches to showing VHS tapes.
“Then came the Internet, and it revolutionized everything,” I say, and the screen flips to show pictures of webcam girls and streaming media. “Until today. Today, Illicit Entertainment is proud to announce the next generation of pornographic entertainment.”
I pause as the music starts.
A drumroll and then the video shows a simple pair of eyeglasses—sleek and minimalist.
“Behold, the Illicit Escape,” I say to the audience, as if showing them the fucking meaning of life.
People pause for a moment as the video starts to pan around the glasses and goes from looking at them from the front, to showing what they look like from the point of view of a wearer. It shows the glasses being worn, and tiny cameras and sensors on the rims.
“Based on revolutionary new software, the Illicit Escape uses a built-in operating system that looks at where your eye is focused to highlight what you see. And what you see, is a whole new world of sex,” I say, reading from the script.
I turn around to look at the video because this is fucking cool. A holographic image of a woman materializes on the inside of the eyeglass like an object. She’s in perfect detail. She’s only visible to the wearer and she starts doing a bit of a dance.
That’s when a holographic image of a shirtless man shows up. I had wanted to be in this shot, but Cheryl told me that doing so was crossing a fucking line. I would have still done it, but she went ahead and scheduled the shoot for when I was in another meeting, and I didn’t find out till too late.
It’s a fucking shame too, because while this guy on the screen is hot, I’m in way better shape.
And when the girl gets down on her knees and starts to take off the guy's boxer briefs, the crowd begins to ooh. When she puts his cock in her mouth they go aaah.
The video then rotates the POV and shows that to the outside world, it looks like the wearer is just wearing regular clear eyeglasses.
“Watch virtual reality porn, wherever you go, safely, discreetly,” I say into the microphone and the crowd begins to cheer. “But, now, Illicit Escape takes it one step farther.”
The video zooms out to show a diagram of the glasses on a human face.
“Using groundbreaking new technology, the Illicit Escape uses subconscious visual cues to make your brain believe that what you're seeing is something you’re actually experiencing,” I say to to the audience. I can tell they’re looking at me, not believing.