“What?”
“She loves you, she told me so. And she loves me, too.”
A mix of relief and nausea floods through me. “She said that? Love?”
“Uh huh, yeah. She said it. Love.”
I can’t fight the zing of nerves. “And were you… when she said it?”
“Was I fucking her?” He sighs. “No, Michael, I wasn’t fucking fucking her. How much of a cunt do you take me for?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I am.
“She did sleep in my bed though. But not like that. Just sleeping.” He groans. “Fuck, this is awkward. It’s just…”
“Fucked up,” I say, “yes, I know.”
“I mean, she was in nothing but a scrappy little top and knickers, and she is fucking divine, and I did have my fucking hard on pressed against her ass all night.” His laugh is low and easy. “But I didn’t stick her with it, and she didn’t ask.”
“I’m supposed to say thank you, am I? That’s how this goes? Thank you for not fucking the eighteen-year-old girl we’re both infatuated with. Well done, have a gold star.”
“Thank you for not fucking the eighteen-year-old girl we’re both infatuated with without me. That’s how this goes. Gold star for me.”
I shake my head, even though he can’t see me. “This isn’t happening. Forget it.”
He laughs. “Suit yourself, but she doesn’t want to choose and I don’t want to let this go.”
“Then I’ll back out gracefully,” I tell him.
“And she’ll hate us both for it if you do.”
“You’re a cock,” I say.
“Yes, I am,” he says. “But you brought her to my doorstep, and she isn’t like other girls. She’s nothing close.”
I lean back into the pillows. “Your point being?”
“My point being that your concrete sense of morality is going to have to take a bashing if you want to live in Carrie’s world. Your call.”
“I’ll bear that in mind,” I say.
“You do that,” he replies. “I’ll see you later. Don’t be late for movie night.”
He hangs up the call before I can argue.
Carrie
I’ve been in Gloucester city centre a thousand times, but never with a hundred quid in my pocket. I feel uneasy to have it there, like someone is going to take it from me. Someone like Eli or one of his loser mates.
That’s why I didn’t want Jack to bring me here. I didn’t want to risk running into any of them. I didn’t want them to see me with someone. Someone they could speak to, someone they could scare off me.
Eli is the only family who’s ever stuck by me. He ruined my life, but he came through at the other side, tracking me down when I was fourteen and telling me he was still my brother.
He’s never even mentioned what happened all those years ago, and I was always too scared to bring it up in case he dropped me again. Sometimes he’s kind and tells me about my old mum and dad, and sister, too. He says they don’t want to see me and never will, but I still care.
I still like hearing about them.
I guess he knows it and that’s why he’s always used it to take things from me. Whatever he wants. Money, favours.
Me.
I shiver at the thought of how much I’ve given him, and I’ve never really minded before, because family’s family, even if it is fucked up, but now that I have things I’m really not willing to give up for him, I hope he just stays well away from me.
I came to Gloucester because I don’t know my way around anywhere else, but it makes me nervous.
I want to get my shopping as quickly as possible. I head over to the shoe store on South Street, the one with the boots I’ve always ogled, but even though they’re reduced they’re still almost sixty quid. That would leave me forty for some underwear and some other bits I need.
But I really wanted to get Jack and Mike something, so I put a hold on the boots until I’ve done that first.
Choosing a present for Mike is easy, I know exactly what I’m going to get him.
I’ve only ever seen him in three ties for work, and I know he likes weird slightly zany stuff, so I head into a suit shop in one of the posher streets and choose him a nice deep green one, to match his eyes. I smile as I picture him in it, because it’ll look good on him. I know it will.
It cost me twenty, which is a chunk of my money, but at least I can still get Jack something and get my boots. The other stuff will have to wait.
There’s a boutique homewares shop next to the tie place, and I’ve never even looked in here before because for one I’ve never had a home, and secondly because I’ve never had any money.