Dirty Daddies(55)

Life feels strange in this house all of a sudden. Strange but not unpleasant, far from it. Even if I’m in some absurd triangle with my best friend and his runaway gypsy girl.

I finish myself off in the shower and it’s one of the best hand jobs I’ve ever had the pleasure of giving myself.

I put that down to the Carrie Wells effect, just like everything else this week.

I’m beginning to feel glad it was contagious after all.





Carrie



I can’t get settled in this squeaky bed. My belly is filled up with nerves, and I hate that. I hate the fear of losing people, so I’ve learned that the best way of going through life is not to get attached in the first place. It’s lonely but it’s safe. But this time is different. This time I’m already in deep.

I pushed them and they didn’t walk away. I made them mad and they don’t hate me for it. At least I hope they don’t.

Finding Michael was a lucky break I never thought I’d stumble into. Finding Jack too is more than I ever hoped for. Having both of them in my life is a crazy dream beyond anything I’ve ever dared dream before. Losing them? Well, that would be more than I could bear.

I toss and turn until I’m sticky and uncomfortable, thinking about what happened, wondering what happens now.

What if Michael doesn’t come back? What if he’s really had enough of me now?

What if Jack is in the room next door regretting ever offering me a place to stay?

I know my heart is playing tricks on me, making me doubt all the kindness they’ve shown. I know the thrum of nerves in my belly is just the end result of pushing people away over and over again and still crying when they finally give up on me. I know I brought a lot of this on myself. I know I always do.

But for the first time in my life, I’m daring to hope that this road leads somewhere else. Somewhere good.

And maybe, just maybe, in this house with these two men who’ve given me so much time already, I’ll find something for keeps.

When I was still a little girl being passed from one home to another, I’d get nightmares so bad they’d wake me up. I’d tiptoe out of my bedroom in the middle of the night with my heart racing and tears streaming down my face, and hover outside the bedroom of whichever new parents I had that month, and I’d want to knock so badly. I’d want to tap on that door and ask them to make the nightmares go away, just to feel someone there. Just to have someone’s arms around me and tell me I wasn’t alone.

But I never did knock on that door, not with anyone. I’d take a couple of deep breaths and remind myself that I was all alone in this world, and I’d pull my big girl panties up and go back to bed without a word.

I take a deep breath in the darkness tonight, and it feels different somehow. Everything here feels different.

And maybe I’m different, too.

Maybe tonight’s the night I can finally knock on that door and reach out. Maybe tonight’s the night someone will actually be there.

My heart is in my mouth as I slip out of bed. The springs creak as I leave, and I wonder if Jack’s been able to hear me tossing and turning through the wall every night this week. I’m really quiet as I turn the door handle, steps light as I tiptoe along to his room.

I press my ear to the door and listen. There’s no light showing around the edges, and I can’t hear any movement in there.

I don’t know whether I can really do this, not knowing if he’s going to freak out and order me back to my own room. Maybe he’ll think I’m coming for sex, which I’m not.

It’s weird to find that I’m not, but I’m really not.

I press my forehead to the door, frustrated that my fingers are shaking and I’m not brave enough to knock. I think of all the times we’ve sat together with a beer in the evening. All the times he’s seemed pleased to have me around.

What’s the worst that can happen?

It can’t be any worse than Michael blowing me out with some bullshit friends only excuse, right? Right?

So I knock.

I knock loud but only once, and then I step back, recoiling as though my fist is on fire. My muscles are wired and ready to bolt back to bed, skin clammy at the thought of reaching out where I’m unwanted. I’m about to bolt when the door swings open, and my eyes are wide as they meet Jack’s sleepy ones. He’s naked. Stark bollock naked. But he isn’t shy and he shouldn’t be. He looks amazing.

He’s broader than I pictured him under his clothes. Solid and muscular with a dark line of hair under his belly button leading down to a…

A really big dick.

Really big.

“You okay?” he asks and I nod like a dumbass.

“Yeah, I’m just…” I dither for words, suddenly so aware I’m in knickers and a vest top and nothing else. “Sometimes I can’t get to sleep…”