“Leave Lydia out of this,” he barked. “She’s nothing to do with this.”
“So, she’s not your girlfriend?” she smiled. “What is she, then?”
He turned away from her, hands on his temples. “It’s none of your business.”
“We’re still married, James, I’m still your wife.”
He laughed, low and bitter. “Funny, isn’t it? When we were together you couldn’t get enough of telling people we were estranged, and now we’re estranged you can’t get enough of telling people we’re married. You’ve got it the wrong way around, sweetheart, that ship sailed a long time ago.”
“So, what’s going on?” she snapped. “What is she to you?”
I took a step away, unable to watch. The silence dragged on forever before I heard him sigh, only the rush of my pulse loud in my ears.
“She’s a mistake, if you must know,” he said, his voice dull and bitter. “A huge fucking mistake.”
My stomach pained like I’d taken a bullet, right in the gut, and then there were the tears I’d been trying so hard for. They came hard, they came fast, they came without restraint, how fucking ironic.
I sloped away before I could hear another word.
***
James
I stared into eyes I used to love, used to live for, but they meant nothing to me. Rachel shifted her weight onto one hip, waiting for an answer. Like she fucking deserved one.
“She’s a mistake,” I growled. “A huge fucking mistake.”
Her face lit up, relief glowing on her cheeks, and I could have choked the life out of her.
“I’m glad you’ve still got some of your senses, James.”
“I haven’t fucking finished,” I snapped. “She’s a huge fucking mistake, a mistake I swore I’d never fucking make again, not ever. But you know what? I made it, and now I’m not sorry I did. She is not some silly little girl playing submissive. She’s an incredible woman with incredible integrity.”
“So, she is your girlfriend.”
“I don’t even know how to have a relationship anymore, so no, she’s not.”
“And that’s my fault, I suppose?” she snapped.
“If the cap fits...”
“That’s fucking cruel, James, really fucking cruel. How many times can I say I’m sorry? How many times before you’ll give me another chance?”
“You’re all out of chances,” I said, bluntly.
“You still love me.” Her face was flushed, tears pricking at her eyes. She was always so easy with the tears. “I know you do.”
“I did love you, Rachel, but it’s over. We’re over.”
“You really want her more than me?” A tear spilled down her cheek and she made no attempt to brush it aside.
“Don’t sound so surprised, it’s really not that close a competition.”
“Bastard! You love her, don’t you?” she cried, blubbing like a baby. Once upon a time I’d have been putty in her hands.
I walked away. “Maybe one day I’ll know what love is again, Rach, but it won’t be with you.”
She charged after me, wrenching me back by the wrist. “This thing you’ve got isn’t about Lydia, it’s about Katreya!”
I shook her off. “It’s not about Katreya.”
“Her eyes don’t mean shit, James, she’ll never be her!”
“But I don’t want Lydia to be Katreya,” I said, shocking myself as much as her. “Lydia’s too fucking perfect as she is.”
***
Rebecca was waiting for me on the way to the bar, face like thunder.
“It’s sorted,” I said. “And now I need a fucking drink.”
“You’re a fucking idiot,” she snapped, shoving her phone in my face.
“What the hell?!” I took the handset from her.
I’m a huge fucking mistake. Gone home, please don’t follow me. x
“She’s a mistake is she? Is that really what you think? And you told her that?” Rebecca hissed.
I groaned inside. “Sweet pissing Christ, she was listening.”
“Yeah, she was listening, I sent her over. More fucking fool me, Masque.”
“Give me some credit, will you? That isn’t what I said, it’s been taken out of context.”
She covered her eyes with her hands. “This is one huge pissing nightmare, this is.”
“Relationships always are, that’s why I abstain.”
“So she isn’t a mistake?” she asked, folding her arms.
“We’ll find out, won’t we?” I abandoned my craving for scotch, cursing my luck. “Give me your keys.”