Dirty Bad Wrong(50)
“We crossed it already, I’m just saying we may as well cross it again.”
“And I’m saying James Clarke and Lydia Marsh, co-workers at Trial Run Software Group have to be co-workers, I said it before, I’m not cut out for a relationship, Cat, especially an office romance, I’d never make it work. I’d try and I’d fail, and you’d quit, or I’d quit, or we’d both quit and lose the excellent working relationship we’ve built up. I don’t want that. I want you at my side, on my team, happy and stable.”
I bit my lip, concentrating so hard I felt my brain could explode. “What makes you think I want a relationship? I’m straight out of a shit one, you think I want to trade in my new life for another stab at domesticity?” I was burning up, I could feel it. “Because I don’t. I don’t want that! I don’t want an office romance, or hearts and roses and shared sandwiches at lunchtime, James, I want Masque! I want what we had last night.”
He reached out a hand, just for a moment, just long enough to run a finger down my cheek. “I know you don’t want another Mr Comfortable, but you don’t want this either. You think you do, but you don’t. I know you don’t want your career getting messy any more than I do. I know you well enough to know that, Cat. We have to draw a line under this before it gets out of hand. Can we go back to being James and Lydia, please? I know I messed up. I know it was me who barged my way into your room last night and I’m sorry for that.”
“I’m not,” I said, simply. “I’m not sorry at all.”
“You will be, when it fucks your career.”
I clutched my hands to my temples, thinking, thinking, thinking. Sensible Lydia agreed with him, tried to regain some perspective. “You’re right, of course, you’re right.”
He smiled, a faint smile, part relief, part something else. “I had a great night, an excellent night.”
“So did I,” I said, preparing to walk away. He took a step aside to let me pass, but I placed a hand on his shoulder on the way. Please, Lord, let this work. “Look, no hard feelings, I’m sure Rebecca will set me up with someone else at Explicit, she’s been trying hard enough.”
His eyebrows pitted, mouth clamping instantly. “You’re planning on going back to Explicit?”
I smiled. “Well, of course. I want to explore this new side of me... where else would I go? It seems pretty cool there, I like it. I guess I’ll see you around.” I took another step forwards but he pulled me back, pinning me to the side of the coffee stand.
“Don’t do this, Lydia, please.”
“Do what?”
“Don’t make this impossible for me.”
I stared him out. “Don’t make what impossible for you?”
“This. This sensibility. It won’t work if you’re at Explicit every weekend, it just won’t work.”
“I’m not going to ignore my fantasies, just because you don’t want to fuck me again. I’m going to Explicit, James, just as often as Rebecca will take me. It doesn’t have to be a problem. I’ll meet someone else, don’t worry about it.” I tried to make my way past him, but he blocked my route, barring me with the solid muscle wall of his chest. I could only imagine the chimera below his suit, taut over tight skin.
“Jesus Christ, Lydia, don’t you fucking get it?” he seethed. “I don’t fucking want you to meet someone else at Explicit. I can just about cope with seeing you in the office every fucking day, but this, this Explicit thing is totally unviable for me.”
“Well, what do you suggest then?” I snapped. “That I just totter off like a good girl and never darken your door again?”
“No, of course not.”
We stared at each other, both fiery and tense and seriously pissed off. Stalemate. I shrugged, lost for words. “I dunno what I can say.”
“Neither do I.”
Thoughts ticked by slowly, struggling for resolution. I decided to take my chances. “Ok, so let’s back up a bit. The work thing is bad, right, I get it. I agree with it. Fucking co-workers is a disaster waiting to happen. It couldn’t work.”
“Most certainly,” he said. “It’s not feasible.”
“Fine, so James and Lydia are no more, we keep it professional, we do our job, we keep things straight between us and get back to normal.”
“That was my thinking on it, yes,” he said, warily.
“But what about Masque and Cat?” I said. “What about their personal time?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Where are you going with this?”