Dirty Bad Strangers(77)

“I don’t, though, do I?”

I did touch her this time. My hand on hers as she gripped her knee, squeezing tight. “Yesterday, in the rain and the mud, you knew me. That was real, dirty girl.”

“This is real. You’re a footballer. You’re on TV every weekend. You’re married to a pop star and you live on an estate in Surrey.”

“It sounds like you’ve reached the end of the road before we’ve even started.”

Her beautiful green eyes were so sad when they finally met mine. “There is no road. You’re married. I’ve seen her face, seen the way she smiles at you.”

“All fake, like I said.”

“Even so. I pictured trucker Jason with some dowdy wife who didn’t care a shit for him. Figured she’d probably be having an affair herself, maybe a toy boy while he was out on the road.”

“April’s been screwing her stylist since before we got married. Don’t believe the hype.” I finished my coffee, ditched the mug on the floor. “So, it’s the wife? That’s the deal breaker?”

She struggled for words. “It’s all of it. I told you, I can’t be a footballer’s wife, or lover, or whatever the hell this is. I’m not that girl! I’m not a celebrity type, Jason, I’m just a girl. I don’t want my face in the papers, I don’t want people talking about me. Look at you, and look at me.”

I did look at her, I’d never get bored of looking at her. I watched her pink cheeks darken, highlighting her freckles and those gorgeous eyes. “I haven’t stopped looking at you, Gemma. I love looking at you. You have beautiful eyes.”

“I can’t believe this is happening. Me being the one to tell Jason fucking Redfern that this crazy fling can’t work.”

“Is that what you’re telling me?” Fuck, it stung. It stung bad.

“It’s the truth.”

I gritted my teeth, strangely hurt. “Do you want me to leave?”

She didn’t answer, which was answer enough on its own. “I wish you were a trucker, Jason. A nobody, like me.”

“You aren’t a nobody, dirty girl.” I got to my feet, hovering like a prick before getting myself together. “This really isn’t what I was hoping for.”

“Nor me. I can’t believe this is real, this stuff doesn’t happen to people like me.”

“This is really it? We walk away?”

She shrugged, chewing on her thumbnail. She wouldn’t look at me. “We carry on this thing and one of us is going to get hurt. You won’t leave your wife, and I couldn’t stand it if you did. The papers would tear the shit out of us, Jason, and that’s the best case scenario. The worst is that one day someone spots us, and then the media would really go to town. Slutty chatline girl seduces Premier League superstar. It would be hell for both of us.”

I couldn’t argue with her. She was right.

I watched her chewing her fingers, the most vulnerable I’d ever seen her, even spread and gaping and fucked raw she’d been happy, confident. The media would have a field day with this Gemma. They’d chew her up and spit her out for the sake of a decent print run. My dirty girl would be all broken up.

“I wish things were different,” I said. “You have no idea how much I wish things were different.”

“I do.” She flashed me a look for just a second, and there were tears brewing. It crushed my chest. “I wish they were different, too.”

“I’m sorry, Gemma.”

“Don’t apologise,” she said, swatting a tear away. “It was a crazy ride, Jason. I loved it. All of it.”

“Me, too.”

I choked back my own tears on the way down the stairs, and was really fucking grateful I had my shades in the Land Rover.







Gemma



I hadn’t even touched him. Hadn’t taken the chance to kiss him one last time, hadn’t even really looked at him. How I’d wanted to. Fuck, how I’d wanted to succumb to the recklessness and have him take me. My body was aching, battered from everything he’d given me, all the crazy fantasies he’d fulfilled, and still I’d wanted him. I’d never wanted anyone so badly as I wanted that man.

And now he was gone.

I gripped a cushion, fighting against tears that paid no attention whatsoever. Crying over a footballer, some famous married guy who drove an Aston Martin. So this was heartbreak? This was the horrible romantic anguish that sent people loopy? It sucked bad.

Not as bad as a public scandal would suck. Not as bad as losing someone like Jason Redfern when I was in well deep over my head. Worse than this. Properly entangled with all the lovey dovey stuff. I could feel it brewing. It wouldn’t have taken much.