“How can I have anything real, April? We live in this fucking house together, plaster it on thick for the fucking media every five seconds. Every fucking person in the country knows my face, my business. How can I possibly have any kind of actual relationship?”
“You want one, though, don’t you?” She brought the tissue to her face again. “I do, too.”
I smiled at that. “You want a relationship?”
“I’m not entirely heartless, Jason. I may have some defence issues, but I still want someone to hold me at night. I still want to love someone.”
“I’m not stopping you.”
“I didn’t say you were.” She blew her nose. “Did you ever love me?”
I stared at her. “More than you loved me.”
“I did care about you, Jason.”
“Cared about Fabien a little bit more, though, didn’t you?”
“Fabien’s different.” She twisted her hair idly around her fingers. “You told me you loved me, all the time. Told me you listened to my album on your way to training, can you remember? I actually believed that shit.”
Memories came crashing in. Me listening to her tacky electro-pop on the drive to the ground, not because it was any good. It was shit. Just because it was her. I was so fucking proud, and so fucking deluded.
“You didn’t actually listen to it, did you?” she managed a laugh.
“Did you ever really enjoy coming to the games?”
“Sometimes. You were so good, Jase. You still are.”
“Wish I could say the same for your singing.” I smiled to soften the dig. “Let’s get out of this, April. Save ourselves both the fucking heartache. It’s just a house. We could have a life, both of us. Maybe one day we may even be able to stand the sight of each other again. It’s got to be worth a shot.”
Her eyes flew wide, jaw open. “You’ll sign the papers?!”
“If you’ll go 50/50.”
She laughed like I was an idiot, tossing her hair back with all tears forgotten. “Nice try, asshole. It’s the only saving grace of the ten fucking years of shit I’ve had to put up with. You’ll have to carry me out of this house in a fucking casket before I’ll give it up willingly.”
Oh, how I fucking wished.
Gemma
I pushed it all away, focusing on my spins and nothing else. My muscles ached, but not so much as the lingering burn of being fucked raw. Ow!
The mirror at Dirty Angels showed all my flaws today. The loose flab at my waist, the jiggle of my thighs. My hair was wilder than ever, a cascade of ginger matting, and my face was beetroot pink. Miss fucking Piggy. I stopped and grabbed a towel.
“What’s eating you, Figi?”
Cara looked as flawless as ever.
“Is it that obvious?”
“A little.” She smiled. “Jason?”
“That obvious, too?”
“Need an ear?” She dropped herself on a bench, patted the space next to her.
I hoped I didn’t stink as I sat myself down. “Jason and I had a threesome, last night.”
“Doesn’t look like it went so well.”
“That’s the thing,” I said. “It was amazing. Painful, but amazing.”
“Two at once? Yeah, that’s going to leave a bit of a burn,” she grinned. “So, what’s the problem?”
Chocolate eyes encouraged me. “The other guy asked me if I could bring my friends. You and Raven. Turns out they’d been watching me, us outside the club, before I’d even met Jason, before I’d even given him my number.”
“Really? Yikes!”
“It’s creepy, isn’t it?”
She tipped her head back and forth, weighing it up. “Does he make a habit of it?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Creepy but I suppose it’s not unexpected. Can’t blame a guy for hunting you out, Firecracker. I’m sure you made an impression.”
I couldn’t help smiling. “Anyone else would tell me he’s a crazy stalker guy and I should run a mile.”
“Almost certainly,” she laughed. “I guess my sense of normality is slightly skewed. Do you want to run a mile?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“So don’t. If you trust him, that is.” She put a hand on my knee, and shivers of last night came back to grab me. “Sex is weird, Figi. Intense sex, I mean, dirty sex. Sex that gets you, right in the dark, dirty, primal heart of you. That kind of sex pulls you in deep, breaks down barriers, makes you feel, even when it doesn’t make any sense. That kind of sex can make you fall for someone, hard, beyond all reason, because the place it takes you... it’s something else. Something beautiful.” Her eyes glazed, and then cleared. “Sorry. Too much.”