Dire(8)
“Stop trying to get into my head.” She squirmed in my arms.
“I’m not trying to get into your head. You’re easy to read.”
“If I’m that easy to read, then why didn’t you know I would run?” She paused. “Twice.”
“I knew you were conflicted about it.”
“I wasn’t conflicted. I knew I was doing it.”
“You were conflicted, sweetheart.”
“Sweetheart?” She picked her head up. “Are you really going to call me that?”
“Do you have a preferred term for me to use? I suppose you don’t want me calling you baby yet?”
“Is that a joke?”
“What do you think?”
“I think I don’t get you. One minute you’re serious, the next you’re cracking jokes.”
“That’s just me.”
“In another situation I’d probably like you.”
“In another situation?” I rolled us over so she was on top of me.
“Hunter.”
“Yes?”
“I’m not lying on top of you.”
“Except you are.”
She struggled against me, and I let her move to the side. “Not funny.”
“Why not? I was giving you a different view.”
“I can’t joke around tonight. It’s not fair.”
“What would be fair?” I leaned up on an elbow.
“I should be cold and outside.”
“I already told you he isn’t cold.”
“But he’s out there. I’m in here.”
“Would it make you feel better if I reminded you that you don’t have a choice? Do you want me to be mean? Should I tie you down and tell you in every barbaric term I know that you belong to me?”
“Stop it.”
“I can’t figure it out. I can’t figure out what you need from me right now.”
“I need to know he’s okay.”
“What you need to understand is that his wellbeing also depends on your wellbeing.” I turned away. “And mine.”
“What does that mean?” She put a hand on my shoulder.
“Nothing.”
“Stop!” She tried to force me to roll over. All that did was end with her on top of me again. “Stop giving me riddles and no answers. Tell me what our wellbeing has to do with his?”
“It wasn’t a one and done thing,” I admitted through gritted teeth. I’d been hoping to wait before sharing that particular detail.
“Meaning?”
“Once he adjusts, I have to do more.”
“Are you saying if I don’t make you happy, you won’t do it?” There was anger and hurt in her voice that didn’t belong. She was right, it was time to give her answers.
I rolled her over so I was hovering above her. “I have to give part of myself, part of my strength to do it. I already did it once, and I have to do it again. That means I need strength. I know you’re focused on him, but eventually you’ll have to focus on me.”
“What are you implying?”
“I’m not implying anything. I’m letting you know changing Gage took a lot out of me. I lost part of myself to do it, and it’s going to take time until I’m really myself again.” I wasn’t sure how much I could tell her. Changing Gage had let my Dire side take over almost completely. It would take time to find the balance again. The only thing that helped was being around her. I needed to be gentle with her, so I was able to hold on to my human side. As soon as I left her my Dire side moved into control again.
“Is there something I should do?”
“Being near you helps.” I wanted to do a lot more than be near her, but I’d do what I could to wait.
“Helps how?”
“It relaxes me and keeps me calm. You remind me of the kind of man I want to be.”
“And you’ll eventually recover?” She rested her palm directly over the scar on my chest.
“I should.”
“I didn’t realize.” She ran her hand along the scar. “I didn’t realize what it cost you.”
“I didn’t want you to.” I looked down at her. At the girl who’d had me from the moment I saw her face. I’d been wrong last time with Vanessa. I wasn’t wrong this time.
“Where did you get this scar? And please don’t tell me that’s not for tonight. I’m getting tired of that line.” She seemed perfectly comfortable having me above her. Maybe she was starting to feel the connection that was so much bigger than either of us separately.
“I want you to get sleep.”
“I’d sleep better if I had answers.”
“I got it in a fight.”