Rya’s lower lip trembled and she whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“No, zaika moya, do not be sorry.” He stood with his fists clenched, fighting with everything he had not to go to her.
“Please don’t hate me.”
“What?” He stared at her, his heart tearing in two as she curled into a protective ball. “How could I hate you? I hate me for doing this to you.”
She shook her head and grabbed one of the pillows off his bed, hugging it to her chest. “I didn’t want to like it and now you won’t even touch me.”
That broke his indecision and he moved swiftly to her side, lying next to her and pulling her into his arms. He buried his face against her neck and held her tight, detesting the trembling going through her body as she cried in harsh sobs. Never before had he despised himself like he did now. Even when he’d killed people he hadn’t felt this kind of guilt eating at him. Rya was such a beautiful, gentle soul and he’d soiled her with the filth that clung to him.
“Forgive me,” he whispered and held her closer, trying to absorb his pain. “Forgive me.”
“Oh, Dimitri,” she tried to turn in his arms but he wouldn’t let her, unable to face her like the coward he was. “I’m sorry I liked it.”
“What?”
Her voice came out broken as she said, “I’m sorry I climaxed.”
Unable to understand why she felt bad, he flipped her over so he could look down at her. “Why would you be sorry? I am bastard that made you do it. Alex told me how it hurt you, and I wish to God I did not have to make you do that. I should be begging you for mercy.”
She reached up to touch his face and he grabbed her hand. “If you’re not mad at me, why can’t I touch you?”
He placed her hand over his heart. “I am dirty, Rya. Filthy with sin and I do not want to taint you.”
The softness in her gaze undid him and he sucked in a harsh breath, fighting the intense emotions bombarding him. After living a lifetime filled with absolute control, with the cold isolation that he surrounded his heart with, he was ill equipped to handle her tenderness and his shame only deepened. He didn’t release her hand over his heart, but he couldn’t take the forgiveness he saw on her face. He had to make her understand how unworthy he was.
“Rya, I am bad for you. I make you do things you hate, make you endure things that hurt you. I do not deserve you.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t get to decide if I deserve you or not. I’m pissed at you, but I don’t hate you, I hate the situation that we’re in.” She sighed and gently caressed her fingers over his heart. “And I don’t want to waste what little time we have left together on bullshit like this. Right now I need you to take care of me, Dimitri. Please.”
He sucked in a harsh breath, taken aback by her lack of revulsion. Gathering himself, he shoved his darkness aside, trying to focus only on her light. He cupped her face and drew her close, rubbing his lips over hers. With all his heart he wished he was better with words and had the courage to tell her the truth. “Ya lyublyu tyebya fsyem syertsem.”
She softened beneath him, the tension leaving her body. “What does that mean?”
He wanted to tell her that he was falling in love with her, but that would only bring her more heart ache, so instead he said, “That you are the most beautiful woman in the world.”
After brushing his lips over hers he lifted himself from her. “Come.”
He took her into the bathroom and they showered together. Rya let him pamper her, allowed him to wash her, and cosset her in every way possible. He loved caring for her like this; it filled an empty spot in his heart that she so readily submitted to his touch. While he might not have the words to tell her how he felt, he certainly had the touch. Thoughts of his brother licking her pussy, of Nico fucking her mouth intruded but he focused only on Rya, and the inexpressible joy of having her in his arms. She was so small, so soft and feminine, it was no wonder Alex had quickly become so protective of her.
After meeting with Rya, Alex had been strangely quiet. When he finally spoke it was to tell Dimitri that he had a true treasure with Rya, that she was something special. He almost believed that his brother wanted Rya for his own, but then Alex began to talk about Jessica, something he never did, and how Rya reminded him of his dead wife. They were nothing alike physically. Jessica had been a svelte, stunning woman with deep auburn hair and milk-white skin; she reminded Dimitri of a fairy princess. Alex said they had the same unconditional love and kind heart, along with a core of strength that humbled him. The sorrow that filled his brother while he spoke about his dead wife reminded Dimitri how essential this ruse was even though he wished with all of his heart that he could spare Rya this pain.