Dimitri's Forbidden Submissive(49)
Smoothing her hair back from her damp face, he hated himself for lying to her but tried to get her to open up. “What is wrong?”
“Are you mad at me?”
“What? No, no, I am not mad.”
“You looked mad when you left.” Her gaze searched his face. “I’m sorry, I swear I wasn’t doing anything bad. It’s just…well I have people that I’ve made promises to and I can’t betray their trust. Can you understand that? And believe that I would never betray you?”
“I believe you.” He stroked her cheek, brushing away a stray tear. “Why are you crying?”
Her lower lip trembled. “I…you know how I’m a nurse right?”
“Da.”
“Well, I’m a hospice nurse. Do you know what that means?”
He tried to remember what that word was, but couldn’t think of ever having heard it during his English lessons or during his time in English speaking countries. “No. I do not know this word–hospice.”
“I help people who have terminal illnesses. Basically, I help people facing death do so with the least amount of pain and the most dignity possible.”
Everything clicked into place and he realized the man Rya was talking to was one of her patients. “It is hard on your heart. Being around suffering, makes you sad.”
“Yeah, it does, but it also brings me peace.” She shuddered and buried her face against his chest. “There is nothing worse than dying alone. Nothing. If I can be there for my patients, if I can give them the comfort they need to exit from this world with as much peace as possible…it…it’s what I’m supposed to do. I know it probably doesn’t make any sense, but I feel like being a hospice nurse is my calling, it is one of the reasons I’m here. Like I’m making a difference. Not a lot of people in this world get to feel that anymore, so despite the pain that is a definite part of my job, I consider myself lucky, privileged even, to help them move on. They have wonderful things ahead of them, an ending to the pain and an amazing new adventure.”
He gathered her close and began to press gentle kisses on her face. “You humble me. Such a good heart with so much love to give. That is why it hurts you, because you love them.”
“I do.” She began to stroke his chest, almost like she was petting him. It made him feel good to know she took comfort from touching him. “When you’re dying you suddenly realize what’s important, and for most people, it’s the connection to other people. I don’t mourn for those who pass on. Yeah, I’m sad that they’re no longer with us, but it’s the family that’s left behind to grieve that tears me up.”
“I understand.”
And he did, all too well. For years he’d carried the pain of the loss of his mother and older sister, a never-ending ache, a hole in his life that was never filled. With the loss of Jessica, he’d forgotten how to feel compassion for a few years. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to deal with that day after day, not only Rya’s own personal pain for the patients she obviously loved, but her empathy for the family left behind.
She studied him for a moment, then nodded. “You do understand. Thank you for, well, for being you.”
They stared into each other’s eyes and he ached to tell her how much she meant to him, how much he cared for her, but it would be selfish of him. She needed to move on after he left, to have her own life and find some lucky bastard and marry him, and make him the happiest man on earth. Everything inside of Dimitri screamed in protest at the thought and he struggled with himself, this unusual loss of control once again making him angry with himself. Before he could get too worked up, Rya’s stomach growled.
Loud.
A hot flush burned her cheeks and she pressed her hands to her stomach. “Oh my god. It sounds like I have a baby dragon in my belly.”
Laughing, he gave her a swift kiss before standing. “Go. In the black suitcase with the green tag is clothes for you. Pick a dress for dinner and come back down. We go eat.”
She smoothed her hands over his chest and grinned at him. “Where did you get clothes for me from?”
He winked, wanting to keep her smiling and chase the lingering shadows from her eyes. “I am man of many resources.”
“I’ll say.” She stood up on her tiptoes and he leaned his head down, closing the distance so she could give him a brief kiss. “I’ll be right back, and thank you again, Dimitri. For listening to me and just for being you.”
Dimitri sat next to Rya at the elegant bar of the restaurant within the resort. Like the rest of the place it had an American southwestern theme and the long bar was made up of some sort of pale wood that had been polished until it gleamed. A massive mirror etched with Native American designs of a more modern slant took up the entire side of the room, giving Dimitri a view of the space behind him. As much as he watched Rya, he also kept an eye on a group of middle aged men getting drunk in the corner. They kept throwing looks Rya’s way, looks that he did not like one bit, though he could hardly blame them.