“Many, many years ago, my grandfather broke rule. He kidnapped the wife of another Pakhan, a leader of the Boldin Bratva. Something happened, went wrong during kidnapping, and she was killed. In retaliation, the Boldin Bratva killed my grandmother and her daughter, my great aunt. Insane with grief, my grandfather…is not good story but it resulted in the death of many young girls of the Boldin Bratva. Then my grandfather and the Boldin leader died, and my father and the leader of the Boldin Bratva met in secret, swearing to end the blood feud, both having lost so much.”
“Oh my god.” She placed her hand over her mouth, trying to not imagine what he meant by that. “That’s terrible.”
“Gets worse.” He blindly reached out to her and she took his hand, squeezing it hard as the tension rolled off of him in almost visible waves, like the heatwaves off summer-sunshine-baked pavement. “One night, over thirty years ago, someone killed the Boldin leader’s young wife, pregnant with their first child. Was brutal slaying and the blame was laid at my father’s feet.”
“Did he…do you think he did it?”
Dimitri’s lips thinned. “He is evil man, but no. He loved his wife too much.”
“What do you mean?”
“My father was married to my half-brother Alex’s mother first. Two days after Boldin’s wife was slaughtered, someone…did same to Alex’s mother.”
He sucked in a harsh breath, and without thinking, she moved so she could kneel next to him and hug him the best she could. The pain pouring off of him was incredible. “I’m so sorry.”
“My father remarried my mother, and though he did not love her like Alex’s mother, he did love her in his own way. He tried to keep her safe. For years there was uneasy truce between Novikov and Boldin families, a time during which my mother gave birth to me and my older sister.” A hard shudder worked through him. “When I was eleven and my sister was fourteen, they were killed.”
“Murdered?”
“I think so, but it appeared to be a random car accident, but my father did not believe it. In terrible history repeating my father ordered the deaths of the leader of the Boldin Bratva’s wife and two young daughters.”
She stroked his back, the shudders working through him hard enough that she was surprised his teeth weren’t chattering. “He ordered me and Alex to do it, along with a handful of his assassins.”
“Wait, you were only eleven! He ordered his eleven-year-old son to go kill some young girls?”
“Told you, he lost mind. His grief ate his sanity.”
“Did you do it?”
He looked at her, held her gaze and slowly shook his head. “I did not, we did not. What he was ordering was no good for Bratva. But next day the women died in house fire.”
“Shit.” When he pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her she let him, her heart aching for him. “So that’s why you won’t love a woman? Ever?”
He nodded, his face buried against her hair. “When my father dies, it may be different. I…there are things I cannot tell you, but it may be different.”
“That’s a terrible way to live. Does your brother…is he the same way? I mean does he make sure he doesn’t love a woman?”
The silence stretched out between them and she comforted him the best she could, stroking his arms, his face, his shoulders, trying to give him the compassion and empathy he’d been forced to live without for his entire life.
“Alex…is not my story to tell.”
While she was curious, she’d also had about as much death and tragedy as she could take. “I understand why you would only see prostitutes, or kept women or whatever you call them, but why aren’t they in danger?”
“I do not care for them. Their death would not destroy a part of me.” He looked down at her and gave her a smile filled with such sadness that tears came to her eyes. “In perfect world, I would be able to court you, to win your heart. You are kind of woman I would marry.”
“What?”
“Is crazy, but the moment I saw you…you are different. I felt it, here.” He took her hand and placed it over his heart. “And the more I am around you, the more I fall under your spell. I find woman I could love, but cannot have her. I do not like my life right now.”
“Wow, this really sucks.” She blinked back tears and stroked his face. “I’m so sorry that you’ve had to live without love. I can’t imagine what that would be like.”
He closed his eyes then held her so tight she had trouble taking a breath. “If you do not know what you do not have it is bearable. Now…not so much.”