I didn’t want to make excuses, and I couldn’t even begin to explain my feelings for him.
“I love him, and I’ve tried to change that, Dad. It’s a battle I can’t win, so I’ve given in to my love for him, but I haven’t forgotten to love myself.”
I smiled and reached out to touch his face. “Mom taught me that, and even if I have nothing left of her, I hold on to the things she’s taught me, because that way, she lives in me.”
“You’re so much like her it scares me. Fierce and free, and all ready to conquer the dragon even though you have insufficient weaponry.”
“Were you Mom’s dragon, Dad?”
“I wasn’t always this gentle.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call you gentle.”
“If you knew me thirty years ago, you would.”
We laughed. His was more of a snort because laughter was rare for my dad since Mom died, but it was good to see him smile.
“I won’t let him hurt me.” My words sobered the mood because we both knew Devlin could hurt me in so many ways it was hard to see what to look out for. “But I can’t watch him hurting either. I’m his shelter, and he’s never had that. I won’t walk away again, Daddy. I can’t.”
He stared into my eyes. This time, there was no disappointment, just nervous fear in his gaze. After several silent moments, he resigned, nodding, then pulling me into his arms. As held me, his arms a firm band of protection around me, I failed to hold back the tears that silently fell. I could count the number of times my dad had hugged me over the years on two hands, but this time felt like the first time. It felt like the way he held me as a little girl when I fell off my bike. He was the dad I knew before my mom died. The one who had been locked away since. Before everything got ugly and his business turned shady. When he pulled back, I looked up at him with tears blurring my vision.
“I know I’ve been hard on you, but always know I love you. Everything I’ve ever done was to protect you.”
I nodded, whimpering as he wiped the moisture from my face with his thumb.
“I know you love him, but if he hurts you, I’m going after him with everything I have.”
I nodded. Though I never appreciated it before, it felt good to have someone in my corner if things went bad.
Chapter Forty-One
Devlin
Insomnia had become my new companion, disorder, mania. It had been in the two weeks since Damien’s death.
Nights were long and tedious. I spent hours folded up in my black leather back chair watching her—waiting, because inevitably something would tear us apart again. My eyes heavy and burning with fatigue, but nonetheless, I couldn’t bring myself to shut down.
My mother was on constant guard because manifestations of Damien taunted me. Seeing them both overwhelmed me, and the pressure to control the madness of my mind plagued me relentlessly.
The first rays of the sun flickered through the blinds, casting a glow over Juliana’s creamy skin. The soft glimmer caught onto her hair, enhancing her angelic profile.
Juliana was my refuge. When I was lost in her, I couldn’t be adrift in my head. Slaying the beast I feared my entire life couldn’t demolish the one that lived within me. Juliana wanted to teach me to accept all the sides of me, and for her, I’d do it. The upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist made me anxious, but I couldn’t go on this way. Not if I wanted to ensure Juliana was safe around me.
Juliana shifted in bed. She reached out and ran her hand over my side of the bed before her head popped up and searched the room for me. She heaved a breath of relief and relaxed when our gazes met. Her heavy breathing caused her perky breasts to rise and fall rapidly, her hardened nipples still a darkened rose color from the excessive attention I’d shown them hours before.
“Have you been up all night?”
I shook my head. She frowned, then extended her arm and gestured for me to join her.
I wondered if the day would ever come when I didn’t need her so much—when she didn’t make my dick so hard with a single glance. I climbed into bed knowing all my thoughts would wane for the next hour.
Juliana
Devlin’s fingers wrapped around my thighs as he pushed one leg over his shoulder and pressed the other down against the mattress. He was famished and dove right in for the meal. His fingers swept over my wetness, spreading me open and toying with my clit in a way that had my muscles tightening.
I watched him lower his head between my legs, his eyes screwed shut, and his tongue darting out to run over my clit. It was soft, gentle, hot, and wet as it glided over my pussy.
He tasted every inch of it, teasing me and causing my need to accelerate with vengeance. I dug my fingers into his dark waves and attempted to push his mouth precisely where I needed it.