Chapter Twenty-Six
Juliana
Devlin’s head was tucked between my breasts, one hand on my hip, the other clutching the pillow under my head, caging me in with his body. After what happened between us, you’d think I’d be in more of a hurry to leave, but I wasn’t. I ran my hands through his hair so many times, counted his ragged breaths as they turned to shallow inhales, and I knew I was at war with myself. A battle between my heart tying me to him and my head telling me he was dangerous to more than just my heart.
Our love was blissful until we plunged into hell. I was beginning to become addicted to the pain and the highs that followed when we made up—dark and angry, but love filled.
As much as I hated where we were, I knew we’d both brought ourselves here. I betrayed him in a way I knew would push him over the edge, yet still, he clung to me in his sleep—fingers digging into my hip as though he’d lose his grip on life if he let go.
But the bindings and chains were not what kept me latched to him. He held me to him without even touching me, holding me down with his invisible chains when I needed to soar. If he couldn’t set me free, I’d have to be strong enough for both of us.
Devlin mumbled my name as I slipped out from his hold. My heart broke as I pulled my clothes on, but I knew I’d given all I had to give, and it wasn’t enough. Devlin was bad for me, dangerous to himself, and after tonight, I needed to escape before our love turned tragic.
I wanted to lean over and kiss him, hold him, tell him I still loved him despite this, but some things were better left unsaid.
With all the back and forth between Devlin and me, something felt entirely different as I slipped out the door and let the night shroud me from the energy attempting to pull me back to Devlin’s bed.
This time, I knew deep inside, I wouldn’t return to him. I refused to even glance back as I jogged down the steps. One small look over my shoulder would’ve yanked the freedom I had just gained from me. I’d conjured up my last bit of strength to leave him because I couldn’t withstand another trip into his hell.
We were like the tree in his garden I gazed at every morning after waking from Devlin’s bed. When we’d met in the peak of summer, the tree amazed me. It was astounding in its beauty—large and full of wonder. Its dark green leaves were so vibrant it was as if I were gazing at a painting. But as the months passed, the tree would eventually change. From brilliant green to bright yellow then dull brown as the leaves fell. And as it shed its leaves, I could never pull myself away. I still loved looking at it. And as he shed his layers, I became more deeply entranced by him. Convinced I was finally seeing him lying bare beside me, but the darkness was never underneath the leaves—it was hidden in the roots. So far buried I wouldn’t see it unless I toppled him over.
With the winter months, my tree grew heavy with the weight of thick snow, and Devlin grew cold and unattached. Yet I still sat in the window seat and watched the beauty of it, waiting for the weather to warm up and bring back the fire in my heart. Before the frost could melt away, I was jolted into the flames. Because Devlin imploded and the secrets he held came to life before my eyes. And as I left him behind with a small sack of my belongings on my shoulder, I realized I’d never gone up to it and actually touched that tree—I’d just admired it from a distance.
~*~*~
“Nicholas!” I slammed into his room, tears pouring down my face. I was a complete fucking mess. All I wanted to do was crawl inside myself and fade away.
Nicholas came to me, arms open, letting me collapse against him. “Shh…”
Fuck, when did I begin sobbing again?
“Calm down, Juliana.”
“I shouldn’t have let you into his computer. I broke his trust. I broke us.”
Nicholas stepped back and cupped my face. “You wanted to know the truth, and you deserve it.”
“You told me you were looking for ties to the Morettis. You used information you had no business knowing. Why’d you intercept that deal?”
“Because the asshole deserved to be fucked. What I have on him is enough to prove he’s scum, but not enough to put him away.” He moved his hands from my face and wrapped his fingers around my biceps.
“Juliana, it’s better this way. Trust me.” He raised both brows, the creases around his mouth appearing as he frowned. “You won’t believe what I found in his files.”
My heart hurt from the pressure of pumping so hard. My head throbbed as the possibility I never wanted to be true was so near. I dragged a hand into my hair, pulling away strands that had stuck to my tear-stained face.