Stay! my dad demanded as I took a step back. Your mother is a lying whore, and its time you learned what it means to be a Ward. In my world, Devlin, trust can’t be rebuilt. You eliminate the enemy before the enemy cuts you short. Eliminate your weaknesses.
I love you, Devlin. Do as Mommy says and go to your room.
I was too afraid to move. Too weak to speak and defend her. He turned back to my mother. Love is a weakness.
I squeezed my eyes shut, growled, and then blinked the memories away. As Juliana’s face came back into focus, my heart burned. All I could see was her and Nicholas. Together. Plotting. Flashes of them tangled in bed played in my head.
“Did you fuck him? Is that why you betrayed me? Do you still love him?”
She froze and looked at me as if I’d lost my mind, and she wasn’t too far off. The gun I’d tucked away at my waist was in my hand quicker than I had time to think about it. Her eyes widened as the cool metal pressed against her head. “Did you fuck him?” I growled.
“No.” Her eyes were locked on mine. Pleading with me. Trying to reach the place that always made me melt for her, but I was running too cold. I was shutting down everything I felt and covering it in a shield of cold, hard metal. The feeling was familiar. The total disconnect to myself—to my emotions.
Pull the trigger, Devlin. Eliminate your weaknesses.
“Shut up, Damien,” I whispered. “Get the fuck out my head.”
“Devlin?” Juliana’s voice interrupted my conversation with a man I knew couldn’t possibly be in the room. “Devlin, you don’t want to do this.”
“You don’t know what I want. Or what the fuck I’m capable of.”
A stare-down ensued. She’d conceded, refused to argue or fight me. She thought she could calm me with her angel eyes, and maybe she knew more than I did, because I slowly lowered the gun, tucking it away with trembling hands. Juliana’s hand stroked my face. When I looked into her eyes, she whispered, “I love you.”
Fuck that!
She didn’t get to do that. She didn’t get to fuck everything up and fix it with her silk covered lies. The anger roared through me quicker than ever before, and I growled at her viciously.
My arm swung, my fist hit the wall next to her with enough force to cut through it as if the wall were made of paper. She flinched and yelped, her body tensing as I crowded her.
“Fuck your love.”
I wrapped my hand around her throat, leaning my head on the wall, my lips at her ear. “I’m too weak to get rid of you and too fucked in the head to watch you leave.”
She wasn’t breathing, I was close enough to feel it if she was. But it wasn’t because of the slight pressure I had on her throat. She was holding her breath—waiting to see how out of control this would become. I carded my fingers into her hair, holding her head up so she could look into my eyes.
“You’re my downfall. I felt it the moment you looked into my eyes. If I could rip your heart out and be done with you, I would, but you’d take mine with you.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Juliana
I stared into his eyes, trying to connect with his soul, prompting the man I loved to come out and see me. To see himself. He buried that man so far away at this point, I didn’t see a glimmer of light in his eyes.
“Devlin, listen... I never meant to—”
“Shut the fuck up! Excuses are unacceptable to a Ward.”
His chest rose and fell in rapid succession as his angry breaths brushed against my skin. “I’ve loved everything about you. It's clear now I only loved what you let me see. All this time, I thought I was the only one hiding things.” He shook his head with a look of total disgust on his face. “I even loved the lies you told.”
“Devlin.”
He moved in close, his lips sliding over my neck, across my jaw. His eyes danced from mine to my lips. “You were my angel.” He kissed me. A soft, sweet kiss that didn’t match the rage that reverberated off his hot skin. “But fallen angels fall for a reason…” He took a step back, clutched my blouse in his hand, and said, “They can’t be trusted.”
He tore my shirt open with one sudden move. His rage was a palpable force, and a moment ago, I was prepared to die. What made it all sicker was, despite my fear, I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. I needed that hate, the anger to fight him, but my heart wanted to pet the beast, tame him, and make him mine. Make him see himself the way I saw him. I’d already failed miserably at that task, and we’d reached the end of the line. Love was shredding us to pieces because it kept us from completely annihilating each other and ending this. Whatever this was.