"Hey!" Kink exclaimed as he pointed to me, his cigarette dangling between his lips. "You were never a club whore and I didn't think about you that way either. I've disrespected my share of women and I'm no motherfuckin' saint but for Christ's sake, I always thought I showed a modicum of respect for you."
"You did." I looked away from him as the tears welled in my eyes despite me trying to will them away. "You treated me like I was actually someone . . . special. I know you're happy now and I'm glad you and Miranda patched everything up."
"Yeah, so am I." He dragged on his cigarette again, his eyes never leaving my face. "Baby, what's up? You know I can't fuck you if I want my dick to stay intact with my old lady but . . . do you need help? Money? I know they paid you but if you want somethin', you know I'll help you."
I quickly wiped the tears away before I turned toward him again and smiled. "Nope, I don't need anything. Max and I . . . we aren't workin' on a job, sweetie, we're engaged. I'm not doin' anything right now because the man has more money than he knows what to do with and I just wanted you to know I'm finally safe. I'm okay. I'm fine."
Kink's blue-green eyes darkened. "You're engaged to that prick? Babe, you do know he works for the Russian Mafia, right? We've got intel on him being Koslakov's right hand man."
"Who else knows this? I mean, besides the Saints? You tell Angelo or Raymond about this?"
"No, we haven't because we don't do business with them. We work with Aztecas Infierno and the Koslakov Mafia but . . . the man is no joke. You know he had his first wife and their sons murdered? Supposedly, he's remarried now and has a kid but no one has seen either of 'em or knows where they live.
"We don't know what the hell about his personal life is truth and what part is urban legend he probably spread himself. All we do know for sure is he's a demented, fucking psychopath. Max is his main guy but he could turn on him too. I don't understand why he's so close with him . . . after everything he's been through and what Koslakov has done to him, he should be trying to kill him," Kink explained before he crushed his cigarette butt in a nearby ashtray.
"I don't understand. I mean, what has Koslakov done?
"Well, we know he had his wife murdered-word circlin' around is your old man did it. Max isn't what he seems. I mean, I know some shit but that's only 'cause . . ." He trailed off and sighed out loud. "Listen, I know enough about him to fully comprehend you're playing with fire. He's poison, Mags-rotten to the core. If any goodness ever existed in him, Koslakov destroyed it a long time ago, darlin'.
"You think the Knights fucked you up? Babe, they ain't got the imagination Koslakov has. We do business with them but that doesn't mean we like or even remotely trust them. The Russians are worse than the Mexicans. They don't have no code or honor. They'd murder their grandmother if they were missing a fuckin' ruble."
"Don't you mean a penny?" I joked before I wiped the smirk off my face and became serious again. "I know all of this, honey-I'm not stupid. It doesn't change the fact the man will soon be my husband and I haven't sworn allegiance to anyone. I'm marrying Max, not the fucking Mafia."
Kink chuckled as he shook his head. "That's the point-you are marrying the Mafia. You think Koslakov isn't goin' to want you to do shit for him? Max is . . . he's damaged, baby. He's been through a lot and at this point, his Stockholm syndrome is worse than yours. He feels a twisted sense of loyalty for the same fucker who destroyed our-he's just . . . he's bad news."
"Destroyed what, exactly?" I questioned a little loudly.
"Nothin' . . . listen, I gotta get back to work. If you're living in the area now, don't be a stranger. Come by to see me, even if it's just to let me know you're safe and sound." Kink stood from the table and I shot up just as quickly.
"Wait," I said as I snatched his wrist closest to me. "I can't see you anymore. I won't put your life or our child's life at risk. If they know about our connection then they'll find out and then they have somethin' to hold over my head."
Kink snatched his wrist from my grasp and glanced at me with heartless, blue eyes that resembled the Pacific before an oncoming storm. "What the fuck did you just say?"
"We had a kid." I couldn't stop the word vomit even if I wanted to; it just started tumbling out and spewed all over the place. "He's with the Knights . . . Jake and Sadie. They adopted him because Jake thought it was his son. He's ours, Kink, but I couldn't fuck up your marriage. I'm not telling you this so you'll do anything about it but just know we have a son and he's five years old. I can't let Max know there's any kind of connection between us so I can't see you again."
He began to walk away before he stopped and rubbed his hands through his hair. "Fuck!"
"I'm not going to tell anyone-"
"Why didn't you fuckin' tell me when you were pregnant? I could have gotten you away from Decker and set you up here. At least you'd have our son and that racist piece of shit wouldn't be raisin' my boy!" he said as a blue vein in the center of his forehead bulged with mounting frustration.
"I didn't think you wanted him." I shook my head and looked at the ground. "I couldn't have another abortion so I did the next best thing. There's no guarantee Decker would have let me go but if he knew, he would have made me get rid of him. I thought a home was better than nothing at all. Sadie adores him and Jake would do anything for him. He's safe, and I can visit him anytime I want. I couldn't risk our child's life on something that might or might not have happened. I'm sorry."
Kink stepped toward me and held my face in his calloused hands, his rough palms brushed against my soft cheeks. "I fuckin' loved you. I still do."
"You love Miranda more and I can understand that-I never wanted to break up your marriage."
"This shit here ain't about my marriage, Mags." He sighed and leaned in closer to me. "I don't love her no more than I love you, babe. It's just . . . different. If I'd met you when I was single, you'd be on the back of my fuckin' bike right now. I didn't. I met you after I had an old lady and everythin' was outta my hands. Didn't matter what I did, someone was gonna fuckin' get hurt. Miranda had my fuckin' kid, babe. I couldn't leave her but that don't change nothin' between you and me. You still mean a lot to me and I only want you to be happy."
"I know." Tears spilled from my eyes and over his hands that still held my face. "I love you too but sometimes you gotta learn to let go. Miranda isn't goin' anywhere and I wouldn't want anything to happen to her. You have two beautiful boys you know and love. I wanted to say good-bye because I owed you that. I don't want you to ever suffer for what we did. You take care of yourself and that gorgeous old lady of yours, all right?"
"You know I will-"
"Promise me, Edward," I whispered. "Please don't let what we had drive a wedge between you two. I'm gonna be happy and go on to live a life with Max. I know he's not your first choice for me but he's good to me. He's the next best thing to not having you so let me be with him, okay? And no matter what happens, we never were anything to each other. You won't tell a soul outside this club because Koslakov would use it and that would hurt me more than if you spit in my face and told me to go fuck myself, all right?"
Kink's eyes watered but he blinked rapidly until any signs of tears were gone from his eyes. "Yeah, I won't tell no one and I'll keep my mouth shut but it's only 'cause I fear my old lady more than Koslakov."
We allowed our fingers to touch, almost reluctantly, before he grabbed my hands possessively and held them in his own. I wouldn't allow myself to fall apart, not in front of him and certainly not afterwards. It was meant to be and no matter how much I realized I'd taken on the role of protecting him instead of the other way around, my mothering instinct kicked in just like that.
A role I thought I would never occupy.
One that was made for other women but certainly not me-never ever for someone like me in my line of work. I couldn't help it but it felt just as natural as the sun setting in the west just as sure as it rose in the east every day. I squeezed his hands one final time before I stood and cleared my throat.
"I should be going. Last thing I want is Max to send out a search party. I didn't tell him where I was going because frankly, I didn't think it was any of his business." I smiled again at Kink. "Promise me you'll keep your family safe? That's what is most important to me."
"I'm more worried about you taking care of yourself, Mags," he replied in a wary voice. "They aren't people you can trust. You're not one of them. They'll turn on you in a heartbeat. I'm surprised that Russian son of a bitch hasn't ordered your death."