“I should put you over my knee.”
It was my reaction to that threat that fueled my anger. When my date Derrick, the actuary, had given me a similar look it repulsed me, but the idea of Damian doing it, I liked…a lot. “Go to hell.”
“You have no fucking idea.”
“About what?”
It was on the tip of his tongue, whatever it was I didn’t know, but he won the struggle for control. Somehow I knew what followed wasn’t what he had almost let slip. “Maureen’s is outside of town, very little foot traffic, easy for a grab. Janice’s is always crowded, lots of eyes on you.”
“How do you know Janice’s is always packed? How did you find this place?”
“Not important. Take the job at Janice’s.”
I couldn’t argue with his logic and being stubborn because I hated the idea that by me taking the job it helped to put him and Janice in the same room together was just stupid.
“Fine.”
He didn’t release me. I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to close the distance between us and kiss me like he meant it, like he used to. And I hated myself for that weakness.
“You won. You can let go of me.”
It was only seconds, his hesitancy in releasing me, but for a man as disciplined as him that small hesitation meant something. Trouble was, I didn’t know if it meant he wanted to kiss me too, or snap my neck. Looking at him, it seemed the latter was more likely.
He put space between us. “I’ll take you to the nursery.”
“What?”
“Maureen. She’s expecting you at noon.”
“Yes. Maureen.” And thinking of Maureen had thoughts of Janice and how I had tried my hardest to burn that bridge. “How do you know that Janice will still offer me the job?”
“She’ll give you the job.”
“And you won’t share whatever the hell it is I don’t know.”
No answer.
“You say you want me, all of me, well that’s a two way street Damian. We won’t work if you won’t do the same.”
I didn’t wait for a reply I knew would never come and went back to my room.
It was the longest day of my life. Maureen had been very gracious about me turning down the job. And as predicted Janice had hired me, but I think that was only because Damian also got a job working as a bouncer and the idea that I would get to watch them every night was worse than the silence I was running from.
I didn’t leave my room after we returned from town. I lay on my bed trying to distract myself with a movie but it wasn’t working. I needed air. I grabbed my robe and stepped outside on the balcony to find Damian sitting there, looking out at the darkness.
“Sorry.” I turned to head back inside but he stopped me.
“It took her years to get this place the way she wanted.”
My heart cracked open at the pain I heard in his voice, the anguish.
“Amelia always loved it here. I didn’t know she was sick. She had kept it from me. I was off saving the fucking world and she was here dying. She called when there was no time left, just enough for us to say goodbye.”
Amelia. The love he found after me. I couldn’t breathe past the sob that caught in my throat.
“She was only twenty-seven when she died. We only had a few years.”
She had been so young. I ached for her and him, but what completely broke me was the painful truth that I only had him now because she had died. No wonder he hadn’t shared, I wish now that he hadn’t. God help me, but I couldn’t comfort him when I was dying inside. My legs were unsteady as I stood. Our gazes collided and I couldn’t control my emotions any better than him.
“Thea?”
“I’m so sorry…so, so sorry.”
And then I fled, down the stairs and right out of the house—trying to run from his words, from his pain, from his past that hadn’t included me. I only got a few houses down when I doubled over in pain, the weight of my despair too much to handle.
Seconds later I was lifted and pressed against a familiar chest. He grabbed my face and forced my eyes on him. “Amelia was my sister.” He looked almost as destroyed as me. “You thought she was my wife?”
The house, the way he mourned her, the affection…I did. I thought he had married someone else and the idea of that shattered me.
He pressed my face to his chest and held me so tightly. “It has only ever been you.” The floodgates opened. Happy tears, sad tears, I cried for Damian and his sister, I cried for losing all the years I had with him, I even cried for my dad. He carried me back inside and settled on the sofa with me in his lap. He said nothing, just let me cry it all out and with the tears the vice that had been squeezing my heart eased and all the while he watched me with those beautiful eyes.