The rain came down in sheets; the grass under my feet was soggy as the heels of my pumps sunk into the mud. It was cold, Christmas was right around the corner but there was no joy or peace or giving thanks because my dad, my beloved daddy, was gone. The soil covering his grave was freshly tilled, his stone recently carved.
He had been shot on the way into work one night. There had been a rash of shootings in the area, senseless violence, which made his death so much harder to handle. Two days after he died, I received a package from him. I had burst into tears when the mail carrier for my building handed it to me. I saved the box and the wrappings even the mailing slip. Ever since his first surprise with the digital music player we had continued the tradition, one that was shared just between the two of us and one I had really loved. This present was a key, a little brass key on a chain. He had often said I held the key to his heart. I wanted to hate the necklace because I suspected he had been returning from the post office, open later due to the holidays, when he was killed. His gift came at such a terrible cost, but I never took it off because it was his last gift to me. I wore it on a long chain, hidden from view because the memory and meaning was his and mine and I wanted to keep it that way.
We had the city funeral a few days ago, but this memorial was just for the family. Mom was barely holding it together. I hadn’t really appreciated what Mom and Dad had until Damian. They had been true soul mates, the kind you read about in romance novels. He had been months from retiring; they had been planning their first of many vacations. It had been two weeks and Mom just wasn’t handling it. In her shoes, I wouldn’t be handling things any better and still I was worried because it was like she had died with Dad.
Cam stood next to Mom. She clung to him like she needed him to stay upright. His head was lowered, his blond hair falling over his face. He and Dad had been especially close so seeing the devastation Cam was trying so hard to hide so he could be strong for Mom broke my heart. Anton stood stoically at Cam’s side, his grief etched in his features. A man struggling to hold the emotions he felt at bay. Uncle Tim was on Mom’s other side, Uncle Guy and his family stood next to him. Uncle Tim was still a defense attorney, a partner now at the prestigious firm Wainwright Gallagher and Rembrandt LLP, one of the top law firms in the country. He had come a long way since his humble beginnings. The man was practically a celebrity now and yet he dropped everything to be here for Mom, Cam and me. Just like Uncle Guy, they were both here to pay their final respects to the man they thought of as a brother.
And just behind everyone was the lone figure, standing in the rain in his dress greens. Damian.
My eyes moved to the stone, the final resting place of a man who had been all things to me, who had given me a strong sense of right and wrong, who never wavered in his love, even when that love was tough love, and who had taught through example that a real man could cry. I couldn’t believe he was gone, but he would never be forgotten.
“I love you, Daddy.”
I stood in Mom’s kitchen looking at all the casserole dishes littering the counters, the people milling around. It was late and yet people still gathered to remember and mourn. I wanted them to leave, didn’t want to hear another apology over my loss. I had managed to get through the day by focusing on what needed to be done. But it was done now and my family had gone off to grieve in their own way. I needed to do that too.
I started for the door when Damian walked in. He came home as soon as he heard about Dad. It had been years since I had last seen him. We never got our tomorrow because he’d been called back. Five years had passed since that night, four years since his letter. He rarely came home. I had even had a boyfriend for a time, but it ended because my heart just hadn’t been into it. I had finally let Damian go; at least I let go of the dream of being with him, of picking up where we left off. And even with that part of us over, the sight of him still brought all those memories back and how for just a little while he had been my Shaun Cassidy, Brad Pitt, Zac Efron and Chace Crawford all wrapped up into one. Once upon a time I had wanted the happily ever after with him and now I just wanted him back in my life any way I could have him. He had been my friend before he had become the love of my life. And after losing my daddy, I needed my friend back.
“Do you want to go?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He waited for me to join him, his hand coming to rest at the small of my back to help move me through the crowd, deflecting well wishers with the slight turning of his massive shoulders. He draped my coat over my shoulders before walking me to his car. He had impeccable manners, he always had. He held the door for me before moving around to the driver’s side and folding himself behind the wheel.