We had been eating dinner in the mess hall when all hell rained down on us. Enemy fire tore through our camp; bombs exploded followed by the screams of soldiers being torn apart. The smell of death saturated the air and when all the smoke had cleared we had lost twenty soldiers. Twenty families would get the call, would learn that their child gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country. One of the fallen was twenty-seven-year-old Johnny Middleton—the newest member of my Green Beret unit. His wife of two years and their baby son were waiting at home for him to return.
I was on leave, so I volunteered to take Johnny home and I’ll never forget the silence of the airport as his body was wheeled from the plane. The tears in the eyes of strangers, all taking a moment to pay their respects to a man that gave his life for his country. And I would never forget the look on his young bride’s face, the tears that streaked down her cheeks and the pain buried in her eyes that would never fade.
I thought of Thea. She’d been waiting a long time for me, but what if that was my homecoming? All those years she waited, put her life on hold for me, and I came home to her in a box. Or the thought of marrying her, having a family with her, and leaving her…forcing her to live through the heartbreaking scene I had witnessed with Johnny’s family. I couldn’t do that to her. She was young; it wasn’t too late for her to find someone who didn’t put his life on the line every time he stepped outside of his tent.
I wrote to her and writing that letter had been the hardest fucking thing I’d ever done. I sealed it, stamped it and sent it off and a part of me died, but when one door closed, another opened.
I turned the letter over and over in my hand. It wasn’t excitement I felt seeing Damian’s writing on the envelope. I knew what this was before I even opened it. Tears burned my eyes as I took a deep breath, ripped open the envelope and forced myself to read his words.
Thea,
I’m writing to tell you that I’ve accepted a post overseas for an indefinite stay. Our younger selves hoped one day we could pick up where we left off, but as adults I think we both know that isn’t going to happen. I love you, but sometimes love isn’t enough. Be happy. Live your life, Thea, and know there’s a man out there who remembers you…will always remember you.
Damian
Tears rolled down my cheeks and a little part of me died as I fisted his letter in my hand and curled myself up into a ball. I couldn’t hold back the sobs because it hurt like hell when a dream died.
It was Christmas and my team had just been deployed again. The mess hall had a Christmas tree and they served turkey and all the fixings. It was good, but it wasn’t the meal Rosalie had always served. I’d give an arm for a slice of her turkey and one of her pies.
US troops were pulling out of Afghanistan. That was the word that came down from the brass. Perhaps it was because of that announcement that insurgent activity had increased, fucking suicide bombers. As troops left, security teams replaced soldiers—private firms that could continue the peacekeeper efforts. I liked the idea of the private security firms, of leading a team. All the money I’d made from the army had been saved and Anton had helped with investing it. I was growing a nice sum and had some ideas on how to use it.
“Mail.” One of the private’s called as he started calling out names. “Damian, you’ve got a package.” I had been expecting a package but I was surprised as fuck to see it was from Thea. It had been a long time since I’d seen her handwriting, but I knew it. I waited until I returned to my bunk before I opened it. Tucked in the box was a tin with a card taped on the top. The paper was wrinkled, as if she’d been crying when she wrote it. My heart squeezed in my chest.
Dear Damian,
I’ve perfected the cookie and wanted to share them with you. Butter cookies, like that first batch I had attempted when we were kids.
Merry Christmas. I hung a stocking for you in my apartment. Maybe one day you’ll come home and see it, share the holiday with me. I know you’re moving on and you want me to do the same, so I will. But you’re still family. You will always have a place at my parents’ table, in their home, in their hearts and in mine. Please be safe and know I’m remembering you too.
Love always,
Thea
My chest grew tight. All the times I would have loved a package from my girl at home and I get one when I could no longer call her mine. It had been over a year since I sent her that letter and still I thought of her…every day if I was being honest. I hoped she was happy, that she had found what I hadn’t been able to give her. And even wishing the best for her, I hated that it wasn’t me she curled up to every night. But that was life. It continued on whether we were ready for it or not.