He remembered too because his voice pitched deeper when he said, “I’ve missed you too.”
My eyes flew open. “You have?”
“Every fucking day.”
I wanted to kiss him, and by how dark his eyes grew he wanted that too. “I should get you back to the others before I take advantage of the situation.”
“I would be okay with you taking advantage of the situation.”
His lips brushed along my jaw and my body burned. “It’s been four years, Thea. When I kiss you again I want you fully aware of every nuance.”
“I’m feeling sober.”
“Tomorrow.”
I replied on a sigh, “I can’t wait for tomorrow.”
It took me years to realize I wasn’t anything like my mother and what I felt for Thea was real and not the twisted sick obsession my mother confused for love. Thea still loved me. Tomorrow, after I kissed her senseless and lost myself in her body for a long fucking time, we’d talk. I wanted to start my life with her and I was going to wear her down until she said yes. I grinned all the way to my car.
Four hours later I got the call that on-leave personnel needed to report back to base. My unit was deployed, the first of a dozen missions that spanned the next few years. As much as I tried to deny it, the life with Thea became more and more elusive. A better man would let her go. I wasn’t that fucking man.
Dad was fixing my garbage disposal. I offered to have a plumber come out, but he said plumbers cost a fortune. It was my own fault. I stuffed too many potato peels down the drain, the disposal couldn’t keep up, the line clogged, pressure built and I had a pool of water in the cabinet under my sink. It didn’t take Dad long and while he worked I whipped us up some sandwiches. He cleaned up in my bathroom before he settled at the kitchenette table. “Pastrami on rye. Your mother would have a cow if she saw me eating this.” He lifted the sandwich and took a huge bite. “So good.”
Mom had put them both on a more healthful diet, they were inching up in years and Mom wanted them to live well into their nineties. They were really good about their new diet, but splurging a little never hurt.
“You’ve been so good I don’t think even Mom would have a problem with it.”
“Likely. So how are you?”
“I’m good.”
Dad gave me a look. “Are you seeing anyone?”
“No.”
He put his sandwich down and looked at me with concern from across the table. “When was the last time you saw Damian?”
“A year.”
“I know how you feel about him, but it’s been a long time since he went away and you’ve been on hold waiting for him.”
“I love him.” I had given up the dream of him, but deep down I still waited. He was the one I wanted.
“I understand that, but sometimes love isn’t enough. Your life is passing you by while you wait for the time to be right for the two of you. The time may never be right, so what are you going to do? Forgo a chance at happiness with someone else because you’re holding out for him?”
He was right; I had thought the very same thing myself. But it was hard because he loved me too. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to be together, we just couldn’t get our timing right.
He reached for my hand. “I like Damian. I like him for you, but I don’t want you to get to my age and have regrets. To have missed out on so much because you waited for something that never came to be. He isn’t coming home anytime soon and as much as you both may want it to be differently, you’re not a part of each other’s lives anymore. Live your life Thea, and that includes men. You never know, you might find someone. Damian was your first love, that doesn’t mean he’s your only love.”
I thought about the last time I had seen Damian. He had confessed to missing me, but he had also asked if I intended to continue to avoid him when he came home. I had told him I would follow where he led, but he hadn’t asked me to come with him. He didn’t write, he didn’t call and even with there still being love and attraction between us, was that all it would ever be? A hook up when he was home? I wanted more from him, but he knew I did. The ball was in his court and Dad was right. It had been a year since I had last seen Damian and I was no closer to a relationship with him. Maybe it was time for me to do more than say the words that I was moving on, maybe I really needed to make the effort to move on because Damian had.
“I’m not saying you have to get married, but give another guy a chance.”
It physically hurt for me to agree because I didn’t want to, but Dad was right. Life was passing me by. It was time I started living it again.