“That’s what I thought, but I wanted to make sure.”
I was wrong. I did feel something, I felt relief and hope that when Thea and I finally got together there would be no obstacles, no fucking skeletons in my closet. And that made me all the more determined to make myself good enough for her…worthy of her. “I don’t care what you do with her. Give her body to a local med school or cremate her and drop her ashes in a landfill. I owe that woman nothing.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
I went with Anton and Dad to identify Damian’s mother’s body. She was going to Hart’s Island, to be buried with the countless other unclaimed bodies in the city. Anton was talking to the medical examiner while Dad filled out the papers. I looked at the woman who had given birth to the love of my life. A lifetime of hard living and the decay of death had turned her into a truly horrid image. Her physical appearance now mirrored her character.
“He’s loved, every part of him, deeply and completely. You didn’t break him, you damaged him and you hurt him, but you didn’t break him. He has family, friends, love and he will be remembered, unlike you.”
Anton joined me, reaching for my hand. I felt his anger. It matched my own. “She didn’t deserve him.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“It might make me a monster, but I’m glad she can’t hurt him anymore.”
“Then I’m a monster too.” He squeezed my hand. “Are you done?”
I looked one last time at her, but I offered no prayer…she didn’t deserve it. “Yeah. I’m done here.”
It was Thanksgiving and Mom and I had been up for hours getting the turkey in the oven, preparing the sides and making the pies. Anton, Cam and Dad were watching the game while setting the table, though I suspected the table was being neglected.
Mom had told me earlier in the week that she had a surprise for me, so my heart moved into my throat when I heard the knock at the door.
“Are we expecting someone else?” I asked, though I already knew the answer. I pulled open the door to find Damian standing on our front stoop. It had been eighteen months so I didn’t immediately react because I wasn’t sure he was real. But imaginary or not, I soaked up the sight of him.
Anton approached as Damian stepped inside. “Hey man, it’s so good to see you.” He and Damian hugged; a smile that was so rare for him lit up his face. Cam walked over and the male ritual repeated.
He really was here. Now I couldn’t move because I was too overwhelmed with having what I most wanted standing within reaching distance.
Mom hurried into the room, right to Damian. “I’m so glad you decided to come.”
“I’m happy to be here.”
I had missed that voice.
“Son. Good to see you,” Dad said as they shook hands.
Mom turned to me and smiled. “Surprise.”
Those pale eyes settled on me. I moved right to him, pressing myself close as I buried my face in his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around me. How I had missed this—his body, his scent…him. This had been my favorite place to be and it was bittersweet to discover that it still was. I tilted my head back and he dipped his chin until our eyes met. “Hi.”
A grin touched his beautiful lips as he remembered too. “Hi.”
Mom’s voice was a bit bright when she said, “Dinner’s done. Let’s eat.”
It was a tight fit getting us all around the table. I was sitting across from Damian and as conversation moved around the table I wasn’t really paying attention because I found myself looking through my lashes at him. Watching as he moved the food around his plate, the way he grinned when he thought something was funny, how even being right in the thick of everything he seemed to be alone. A few times when I glanced up at him he was staring back and I felt his stare in every part of my body, a searing right down to my bones that was unlike anything I’d ever felt except for whenever I was in his presence. I wanted to steal him away from the others, wanted him alone so I could ask what he had been up to and how he had been. But the fear that what had been between us wasn’t there anymore held me back, because if it had faded all the memories I clung to would fade.
After dinner I was putting the serving platters back in the basement.
“Thea.”
I closed my eyes, loving the way my name rolled off his tongue. Wiping the expression from my face, I turned to him. “Hey.”
“How’s school?”
“Harder than I thought it would be, but I love all the design classes. What about you? Cam mentioned you were a Ranger. Congratulations.” I was happy for him, happy that he was finding his place, but it hurt too because he really was making a life in the military, and so the dream I held onto of picking up where we left off seemed more elusive than ever. “Is it what you needed it to be?”