“I hadn’t used for over a year, dude. I swear.”
“Why have it then?”
“I forgot it was there. Look, the place is my holiday home. I’m not there that often. You can come check my apartment. There’s nothing here.”
“I’ll take your word on it,” I mutter as Jane stirs.
“I appreciate your concern. But you know what? You’ve been a little off of late. How about you spill?”
“Yeah, I will.” I brush him off. “Jane’s waking up, I’ll catch ya later.”
“Yeah, right-o. Give her a hug from me, huh? Let her know I’m sorry.”
“Will do.”
I disconnect right as she blinks at the light above us. “What the . . . ?” Her voice is harsh, and croaky. I could guarantee her throat burns like a bastard at this moment.
“You’re in ER, Jane.”
“What the fuck . . .” She looks so pained; it tears me in two. “I went for a nap? What the hell happened?”
“You overdosed,” I answer. A nap—yeah, right.
“Over-what? I took some headache pills I found in the bathroom, and a sleeping pill.” Her expression turns to one of shock. “Are you not meant to mix them?”
“Babe, rest. We can talk about this after.”
“Talk about what?”
“Everything”
She rolls her head to face me, and cocks an eyebrow. “You mean you finally want to talk? To me?”
“Yeah.” I chuckle. “I do.”
MALICE HANDS me a glass of water, and sits down on the far end of the sofa with Rocco at his feet. The hospital discharged me shortly after I woke up, with a stern dressing down on the dangers of drugs, and a plan to make sure I return to normal as soon as possible.
Yeah. What’s normal?
I can’t believe that stuff was drugs. A simple nap could have been the end of me. I asked Malice on the way home what happened to his face, and all he would say is it was work.
“Why did you do it?” Malice asks, rubbing my feet.
I sigh, loving the feel of him touching me so tenderly, but hating the fact we’re back to this awkward intimacy so soon. “I honestly didn’t. I thought they were pain-killers.”
“I worry, you know?”
I nod. Of course I understand. Worry is all I do when it comes to him.
“You sounded so broken when you hung up. I jumped to the worst conclusion.”
“That’s because I was broken, Malice. I was bloody devastated.”
“And I’m to blame for that,” he says, looking intently at my toes. “I thought forcing you away would be the right thing to do, but I guess I was wrong . . . again. I just want you to be happy, Jane, and I can’t see how that could be with me.”
“There’s your problem,” I say. “You don’t believe it yourself.” I sigh, and nudge his leg. “You told me once that you thought I was beautiful, and all you wanted was for me to see it, too.” He nods. “Well, I think you deserve to be loved, and all I want is for you to believe that, too.”
“Why? Why do I deserve it?”
“You know how you said that everything bad happens to you because it’s what you put out into the world, so it’s all you get back?” Malice averts his gaze. “The only things you’ve shown me are love and compassion. You’ve given me support, cared for me, picked me up when I needed it. You saved my life, Malice.”
He brings his eyes up to mine, and I see a glimmer of hope. I’m reaching the boy inside—at last.
“You put all that love out into the world,” I continue, “so don’t you think it’s about time somebody gave it back to you?”
“I made you feel so low, though.” He looks at me, his eyes glassed.
I ache at the knowledge it hurts him, but grow angry just as quickly at the fact that I’m still such a pushover. “Yeah, you did.” Maybe he needs the truth for a change. “Don’t do it again, huh?”
“I meant what I said.” He swallows thickly. “I do love you, Jane. It’s hard for me to get my head around, but it’s undeniable. I need to work out how to show you.”
“You could start by trusting me with what eats at you,” I say.
Malice nods. “Fair call.” His fingers trace lazy lines over the arches of my feet. “I’m not sure where to start. That day my dad tried to take his life affected me more than I ever admitted. I ignored the pain, and pushed the hurt down for so many years. I forgot how bad it all felt until it came slamming back when the guys died in that car crash. I didn’t just grieve for them, I grieved for Mom, and Dad, even though he was still alive.”