She sobs against my shoulder while I watch the guys talk with Tigger’s mom. I still don’t know how often he talked with them, how close his family was. What kind of friend does that make me? What kind of jerk is that self-centered?
Anna’s tears finally ease, and the throaty sound of my pick-up brings me a sweet relief. Thank fuck, Jane is home.
“You be okay now?” I ask, slipping out from beside her.
“Yeah. Thank you.” She smiles, and curls into the arm of the couch. “It’s good to let go.”
I step out the front as Jane lets Rocco out of the vehicle. I frown, knowing we’ve talked before about not having him inside the car.
“I’m sorry,” she starts. “I was in a hurry. I'll vacuum it now.”
My eyes travel to the catch on the tailgate, which isn’t quite locked. “You’ve got to put the back up properly, Jane. You don’t want it falling down when you’re driving.” I walk over, and bump it shut with my hip. A dirty, plastic spoon is stuck to the deck, and there’s what looks to be part of a newspaper strewn about. “I thought you said you’d take care of my car.”
Jane’s chin quivers, and she drops to her knees on the edge of the grass. She’s bawling worse than Anna, and I have to take a step back to believe what I’m seeing. I know things have been tense between us, but I wasn’t that harsh—was I?
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” I say.
“I know,” she snivels, and waves me off. “It’s not you.”
“Then why are you crying?” I drop down before her, and tuck a concerned Rocco under my arm. The pieces of the puzzle start to come together; she wasn’t careless at all—she was running from something. “Why were you in a hurry, Jane?”
Hiccups wrack her breathing. “I saw Dylan.”
Shit. “And? Did he hurt you?” My eyes sweep her shuddering frame.
“A little, but nothing serious.” She glances down at her hands.
I notice the way she rubs her fingers, and the swelling at the tip of one. “Jane, if he so much as threatens to hurt you it breaks the terms of his restraining order.” I’ve got a right mind to hunt the fucker out, and remind him myself.
“I didn’t think about that.”
“Did you call the cops? Tell them he’s in breach of his conditions?”
“Not yet,” she murmurs. “I figured I’d bring it up with the Family Relations Officer next week.”
“Next week?” I scoff. “And what if he tries to get at you again before then, huh? What then?”
Her eyes snap to mine, and the rage around her is palpable. “I’m scared, Malice. I’m fucking shit scared that he could reach me. But what choice did I have?”
“Why didn't you tell me you were scared? Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?”
“You were busy.” She points to the house. “Besides, we haven’t exactly been best buddies of late.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, and reach for her. “You feel uncomfortable about anything, you tell me.”
She stares at me, and no words are needed to express her sentiment. I made her feel uncomfortable.
“Fuck, Jane. I’m not like him.”
“It does my head in, you know? At least with Dylan I knew I should hate him, but with you, I hate myself for not hating you. I can’t even bring myself to dislike you. You made me so mad by keeping what you do from me, and yet I want to stay with you. Why?”
This woman tests my resolve. “I don’t know why. I want to say it’s because I need you, because I want you here too, but I know that’s not the answer.”
Again, she looks at me, blank.
Maybe I should stop pussyfooting around and dive in this hole I’m digging, feet first. “I told you I’m a fuck up.” What else is there to say to her? I’ve screwed up. I made her feel too uncomfortable to approach me when I’m supposed to be there for her. She’s stronger without me here clouding her future. “I never promised you a white picket fence with me, Jane. What you see is what you get.”
“That’s it.” She frowns. “You don’t let me see all of you; only what you think I need to know. It’s up to you to show me the rest. Don’t keep any more secrets from me.”
“I can’t promise that.”
“Why not?” she cries out, her hands flailing. “What makes you think it’s better to hide stuff from me? How do you think that makes me feel? I’m here, trying like a fool to help you see the answer, and all you do is shut me out. Why?”
Fuck it all. All I had to do was respect her enough not to hurt her, and I couldn’t do that.