Deviant(72)

I kept my hand in his for as long as I could, but once we neared the hospital, I had to admit defeat and let go. I didn’t like that I had to break the connection because I just didn’t know if I would ever get it back again.

Parking the car, we both got out and walked to the main entrance. I couldn’t help noticing Jeremy was walking a lot slower now than when we first started out. The black circles were under his eyes again and his breathing was a little harsh. I didn’t say anything, though. I was just glad I was getting him back to the hospital.

As we got into the elevator, Jeremy started swaying a little on his feet. I held him steady, my heart rate picking up. I was praying the elevator would hurry up and get to his floor. I was scared. He was looking more and more ill by the second.

“Jeremy, are you okay?” I just needed some reassurance. However, I knew no matter how much he reassured me, there was no escaping the fact there was obviously something seriously wrong.

“I’m fine,” he said, then collapsed on the floor. The lift doors opened and I started screaming for somebody to help me. Rachael and another nurse soon appeared. I was almost pushed aside by the many nurses as the doctor ran up and checked his pulse. Motioning to the nurses, the doctor helped them pick him up and carry him out of the elevator.

“What were his symptoms before he collapsed?” the doctor asked me.

My breathing hitched, my palms were sweaty, and the tears were now pooling in my eyes and threatening to run. I had done this to him. This was all my fault.

“He...he was complaining that he was tired. His breathing was shallow and he was unsteady.”

Out of nowhere, Jeremy started convulsing. I thought I was going to crumble into little pieces. If I hadn’t pushed him too hard… If I had just listened to that nagging person in the back of my mind telling me maybe today was a bad idea… Jeremy was sick and I was responsible for making him worse.

As they wheeled him into a room, away from prying eyes, I followed, desperate for somebody to tell me he would be okay.

Slowly but surely, Jeremy was calming down. I grabbed his hand. “Jeremy, don’t you dare quit on me. You now have someone here you need to fight for. Don’t you give up on me. Fight for me, Jeremy. Fight!” I released a sob and Rachael was soon by my side and grabbing me by the shoulders.

“It’s all my fault,” I cried. “I shouldn’t have pushed him.”

Rachael shook her head. “You can’t blame yourself for this. Yes, Jeremy is a very sick boy, but you must have given him one of the best days he’s ever had. We all agreed he deserved that today. You can’t blame yourself for this. It’s just one of those things.”

Calming down a little, I remembered Jeremy’s smiling expression in the helicopter. I remembered the look of joy when he told me this was the best day in his life.

“Is he going to be okay?” I finally asked.

Rachael smiled. “He’s going to be fine. Sometimes when the white cells are too low, patients with Jeremy’s type of leukaemia can have a seizure.”

“He has a little fluid on the lungs,” the doctor said. “We need to get a chest x-ray done immediately.”

The nurse beside him nodded and my heart went into panic mode again. “What does that mean?”

“Pneumonia, more than likely,” the doctor answered. “Because he has such a weak immune system, he is vulnerable to all sorts of infections.”

“Is he going to be all right, doctor?”

He frowned a little and that worried me. “It’s too soon to tell without an x-ray and some blood tests. Once we have the results, we will be in a better position to know. Jeremy is a fighter, though, so I’m sure he’ll fight this with all he has.” Probably in an attempt to try to alleviate my fears, he smiled brightly.

“Can I stay with him?” I didn’t think they’d let me, but I had to ask.

The doctor shrugged. “Of course because, as of first thing this morning, you are Jeremy’s next-of-kin.” The doctor walked away.

I stood there, absolutely shocked. It was only when I felt a hand on my shoulder that I jumped and looked at Rachael. “The minute Jeremy woke up this morning, he asked if he could put you down as his next-of-kin. That seemed like a birthday present for him.” Rachael smiled softly and left to move Jeremy into x-ray.

All I could do was stand and wait, shocked and bewildered about the whole day. Jeremy never said a word to me about naming me his next-of-kin. I was delighted, of course, but a part of me thought I didn’t deserve it. Not after this happened. No matter what anybody said, I couldn’t help blaming myself for all of this. I couldn’t help telling myself over and over again that I should have known better.