“I want you to have this,” he said, breaking away. “It was my Nan’s before she died. I want you to keep it so that you know I will come back.”
Shaking my head again, I felt a single tear fall. “I can’t take this, Dean. Not if it was your Nan’s.” Trying to take the chain back off my neck, I said, “Here, take it back, and then you can’t leave.”
Grabbing my hand, Dean shook his head. “No, Tyler. You take it. I’m not taking no for an answer.” Sighing heavily, Dean closed his eyes. “I want you to promise me something.”
“What?”
Opening his eyes back up again, Dean looked at me. “Promise me you will never lose this? Promise me you will never tell Ian what I said. And promise me you will wait for me.”
“I’ll never take this off my neck, Dean. I promise everything, but you can’t not tell Ian. It’s unfair.”
Taking my hand and squeezing it, Dean penetrated me with those steely blue eyes of his. “Please?” he said, an air of desperation in his voice.
With a sad sigh, I hung my head to the floor. “Okay, Dean. I promise.”
With one last soft, lingering kiss to my lips, he climbed out of my window…
And out of my life forever.
*****
That night he left me, I cried. I cried until my tears ran dry and all that was left was a messy heap on my bed. I fell asleep. I wasn’t sure what time that was, but I woke up the next morning, head pounding and stomach protesting. After throwing up, I ended up on the floor of my bathroom like a pathetic creature. As I was laying there, sweat forming at my brow, my mouth tasting of vomit, and my hair all lanky and greasy, I had an epiphany.
No more.
I wasn’t going to allow myself to get into this state no matter how much my heart tore in two. I had lost Jeremy and, now, I had lost my stranger. I knew, in the two weeks following that night, Lotus wouldn’t return.
And he never did.
I got myself up off the floor, took a shower, made myself eat something other than bloody Twiglets, and forced my mind and body to focus on the living. I had work to do, family to be with, friends to meet, and a future to build on. My future now involved a life without Jeremy, and a life without Lotus.
But I was prepared.
If he did return, I had a little surprise up my sleeve. I wasn’t going to let him go without making my demands. He had taken from me time and time again. Now it was my turn. Now I wanted to finally have the power.
I was ready for him.
I couldn’t let him take over my life anymore. For over three years, he had been in control. I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I had to be strong now. I had to show myself, as well as him, that my life was just that.
My life.
I went to back to work and my normal life, receiving sympathy from everyone. Of course, they all knew by now about Jeremy and me, but all I did was thank them. I didn’t want to discuss our situation. They were just people, after all. My only true friends were Ian and Louisa. They were both so supportive. They knew I was badly broken up by his passing, but they never once pushed me. They let me take the lead and mention him only when I was ready. Even if I did, they would wait to see if there was anything else I wanted to say about him before asking the odd question or two.
They had both come the last two Friday’s for Spaghetti Bolognaise night. I wanted to go back to normal—well, as normal as possible. It seemed that Louisa was now a part of that Friday night ritual of ours now. We had always made a pact that we would never lose touch. That, no matter what, we had to keep the Friday night ritual alive. Of course, it was okay to miss the odd Friday, but as long as we kept the following one, we would be okay. Our friendship could never be lost.
Today was Thursday and I was at work like normal. Andrew Walker was preoccupied, but he had been like that a lot lately. After what happened with Jeremy, he called me in to express his sincere condolences. With tears in my eyes, I thanked him, but I was determined not to cry now. I had to remain strong and focused. I had something else to zero my mind in on now. I had plans to make and research to do. It was what kept me going. As long as I could work on something, everything else can be pushed to the back of my mind. Jeremy was always going to be a part of me. He would never leave my head or my heart, but I had to have something else to keep me from breaking down.
I just had to move on.
“Are we still on for tomorrow?” Ian asked, making me jump a little.
I nodded. “Yes, but Louisa can’t make it this time. She has a hot date with Pete, and they could only do it this Friday.”
Ian smiled down at me as I shifted a little in my seat. “That’s okay. I’ll get to have you all to myself then.”