Deviant(113)

“No, you can’t give up. You have to keep going!” I felt Rachael grip my shoulders tightly as the doctor stopped trying to pump life into Jeremy.

“Time of death, five thirty-seven a.m.”

“No!” I screamed again. “Please, you have to do something. He’s only sixteen. He’s just a boy!”

The doctor came up to me and placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Miss O’Shea. There was nothing more we could do. His lungs started failing and all his other organs followed. Even if we could have brought him back, he wouldn’t have lived long.”

I stared at him blankly as he hung his head. He left and I was suddenly cocooned in Rachael’s arms.

The ringing in my ears instantly rang louder, my heart thumped, and my hands started shaking. “No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, this can’t be. Tell me it’s just a joke. Tell me he’s really okay and that he’s still coming home with me. Tell me, Rachael!” My voice was breaking, but my heart was breaking even more. It couldn’t be true. Jeremy was going to make it through this. He was going to trust me again, and we were going to live together like the family he never had.

“I’ve arranged for him to go to school, and I’ve moved some things into his room for when he comes out. I’ve—”

“I know,” Rachael answered with a sob. “I know you have. Jeremy would have been lucky to have you. He knew that in the end. I can promise you that.”

I didn’t believe her. “It’s all my fault he’s dead. I did this to him. He trusted me and he died thinking I let him down.”

Rachael sniffled and I could tell she was finding it hard to speak. “No!” she shrilled. “Jeremy was a very sick boy, Tyler. He died because his organs couldn’t take much more, not because of something he thought you did. You can’t blame yourself for that. I spoke with him after you left. I told him I knew it couldn’t have been you behind all of that today, and I could tell, in his heart of hearts, he felt it, too.”

No matter what she said, I still didn’t believe her. He trusted me and he died thinking I betrayed him. “Please,” I begged through my sobs. “Please tell me it’s a mistake. Tell me I’m dreaming, Rachael. That this is all just one big terrible nightmare.” My sobs caught in my throat as I fought hard to breathe. I just couldn’t believe that Jeremy…the bouncing, bubbly boy with a heart of a lion and the dreams of a potentially brilliant young man…was gone, never to return. He could have done anything if he had set his mind to it.

For some reason, my mind wandered to that day when we went on the helicopter ride. He was so full of enthusiasm, I had little doubt that if he wanted to pursue a life as a pilot, he could achieve it. Remembering this, I remembered the photograph of him and me on that helicopter ride. We both looked so happy back then, so full of hope for the future.

But now…now he had nothing ahead of him and it felt as though it was all my doing. He kept people away because he thought they would all just let him down in the end. People stayed away from him because they didn’t want to get too close. I just wanted to be a part of his life. I wanted to show him that sometimes in life, you can trust someone enough to let them in, let them be a part of you through the good times and the bad. To let him see just how wonderful it was to have someone in your life you could rely on one hundred percent.

“I’m so sorry,” Rachael said with a little sniffle. “I wish I could give you better news. I wish all this was just one terrible nightmare, but I can’t lie to you, Tyler. Jeremy’s gone.”

Hearing those final words were the end of me. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything just fucking paled into insignificance. My mind went blank, my hearing cut off, and the world just seemed to stop spinning. It was as if time stood still. Nothing moved, nothing changed, everything just stopped.

And so did I.





Chapter 38



Dean





What the fuck have I done?





Chapter 39



Tyler





No amount of comfort seemed to put me at ease. No amount of nice words or pats on the shoulder was enough to stop my heart from being ripped from my chest. I went through my days void of any companionship. Not even my stranger came to see me in my week of grief. I made funeral arrangements for Jeremy and attended like I should have, with a very upset Julie standing next to me. I made a pact with myself that I wouldn’t fall apart despite the fact I was dying inside. Life went on, but as far as I was concerned, it had all ended the day the lift doors opened and the world came tumbling down. At first, I blamed my parents. I blamed anybody that could have been involved in this somehow. I couldn’t understand how this happened. I knew my mum and dad could never have done something like this to me, but it didn’t stop the torrent of words that came out of my mouth. Of course, once I calmed down, I apologised and they forgave me. They said I was just grieving. They understood and, once all was said, I was given the much needed hug and was told it would never be mentioned again.