I followed her into the lift, my heart in my mouth. I could tell by looking at Rachael that there was more to this than what she was telling me. “What’s wrong, Rachael? Please, tell me,” I implored.
Rachael looked over at me briefly and bit her lip. “His lungs are failing. We’ve had to hook him up to machine to help him breathe.”
I suddenly found I couldn’t breathe. My knees were weak and my gut clenched in agony. I couldn’t have Jeremy give up on me. Not now that we’ve found each other.
Once the lift doors opened, Rachael led me down the darkened, quiet hallway and to a door which had a security entrance system. Rachael keyed in a number and I followed behind her.
When I saw Jeremy, my heart couldn’t take anymore. I sobbed, throwing a hand over my mouth to try and capture the noise. Jeremy was lying there, looking paler than ever. His skin was yellow and the dark circles under his eyes were more purple than I had ever seen them. There was a tube inside his mouth and I could hear the machine beside him pumping air into his lungs.
Rachael was suddenly there by my side, offering a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. “I will stay here tonight. I don’t want to leave him. I’ve offered to help down here on an extra shift.” Rachael smiled timidly, and I couldn’t help but feel eternally grateful to her.
Placing my hand on hers, I smiled as best as I could. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.”
Rachael nodded. I sat down beside him as she checked his vitals. “There’s no change,” she whispered.
“What’s the outcome, Rachael?” I asked as I took Jeremy’s hand.
“This is the worst part about it. I can’t tell you. It’s anyone’s guess. Time is the only thing that will tell.”
I looked across at Jeremy, tears in my eyes. “He can’t give up, Rachael. He just can’t.”
Handing me a tissue, Rachael came over to give me a gentle pat on the back. “I’ll give you some time to sit with him.”
I watched as she walked off and I sat there staring at Jeremy’s drawn face. He looked so fragile just lying there with the breathing machine next to him. In a sense, it was too much to take.
“Jeremy,” I whispered. “You have to know that I never betrayed you. I would never do anything to hurt you. I want you to know that no matter what, you have me for life. I will never let you down. I will be there for you through thick and thin. I need you to know that I love you, Jeremy. I love you like the brother I never had. You mean everything to me, so I can’t lose you. Please, Jeremy. Please get better. Please don’t give up on me.”
I was met with only the noise of the machines and the sounds of the constant ringing in my ears. I felt vacant. I seemed to slip into a blank world and just stared into space. It was calm there. Nothing and no one could hurt me. After a while, I placed my lips on Jeremy’s hand, giving him a gentle kiss. With a turn of my head, I relaxed onto our intertwined hands and closed my eyes. I inhaled Jeremy in, letting his scent surround me. It was the only comfort I had now.
*****
The sound of an alarm woke me. At first, I thought it was my alarm clock and it was time to get up for work. But then I heard people’s voices screaming at one another, I felt someone’s hands on my shoulders.
“Tyler, you have to move.”
Opening my eyes, I saw Rachael desperately trying to raise me out of my seat. There was a doctor there, and another two nurses were running in with a crash cart.
“No!” I screamed. I tried to go to him, but Rachael and another nurse pulled me out of the way.
“We have to work on him, Tyler. I’m sorry, but you have to move.”
I let them take me so they could do their job, but I felt helpless. “Please!” I shouted. “Please help him.”
The doctor started the defibrillator and the sound of it rang in my ears. Once he cut open Jeremy’s top, he placed the pads down on his chest. “Clear!” he shouted. He placed the defibrillator on Jeremy’s chest and zapped him. It raised a little, but nothing happened. The doctor restarted the machine and did it a second time, but still nothing. I was lost. The fear of having Jeremy slipping through my fingers was an overwhelming feeling. He can’t leave me. He just can’t.
The doctor did it another couple of times, but there was still nothing. With an effort to keep going, he started chest compressions. It seemed to go on forever, and all I could do was watch and pray.
With a snap of his head, the doctor shouted at one of the nurses for a shot of adrenaline. He quickly administered it, but after a few moments of more compressions, the doctor looked up at a nurse. My heart dropped because I knew exactly what that look meant. He was giving up.