Carmichael closed his eyes. “I’ve been a dick.”
I laughed. “Yes, but we’ve all been one of those from time to time.”
Carmichael looked to be in deep thought for a moment. “Hey, why aren’t you married yet? You obviously seem to care about what happens with my wife, so what gives?”
I shook my head with a sigh. “I guess I just haven’t found my Cynthia yet, Aidan.” I gave him a cheeky smile and he aimed another back at me.
“I better be off,” he said, marching towards the door. “I have a lot to plan. I’ll speak to you later?”
I nodded. “Of course. Now, go have a nice time with Cynthia. Take her to Angels. I’ll make sure there’s a good bottle of champagne on ice for the two of you.”
Carmichael smiled widely and patted my back. “I will. Thanks, my friend.” With a final pat, Carmichael left.
Humphrey came up behind me. “You’re really making sure you keep that fucker sweet after he got you out of the shit a few weeks back.”
I shrugged. “I guess I’m warming to the little fuck after all.” I smiled and Humphrey laughed.
“Jimmy called about five minutes ago. He said he would call back.”
Just as he said this, the phone rang. With not a moment to lose, I ran straight into my office and saw it was Jimmy calling. “Jimmy, is it done?”
“Yes,” he answered, sounding pissed off. “I don’t know what the fuck that girl’s done to you, but it better be good because I had to witness her face today. She looked fucking broken, Dean.”
My heart twisted with the news. I wanted to cause her pain, I wanted to get her back, but why did it fill me with such despair then? What was this gut-wrenching, stomach-churning feeling I had inside me? Could it possibly be guilt? I don’t ever feel guilt. I shouldn’t have to feel guilt. But, for some reason, I felt it nonetheless.
“Where is she now?” I asked, sounding just as dejected as Jimmy did.
“She’s back at home.” Jimmy sighed and, for some reason, the sound made my head pound. “Listen, I’ve always liked working for you, and I’m willing to do anything, you know that. I took this on because you promised me you wouldn’t hurt her. I know I meant it in the physical sense, but you should have seen her, Dean. You didn’t see the pain in her eyes. I never want to see that again. I’ll kidnap a guy, torture him for you if I have to, but don’t ever ask me to do that again.”
Pinching the end of my nose, I sighed. “You have my word.”
“Thanks,” he answered before hanging up.
All I could do after that was sink down in my chair and stare at the walls. I had gotten what I came for, so why was it I felt so fucking small right now? Why did I feel like the biggest shit on earth? I preached to Carmichael, but I was just as bad—worse, in fact. I sent Jimmy to that hospital pretending to be a reporter just so he could witness for me the pain she would be in. I was such a coward that I couldn’t even do it myself. Deep down, I knew I wouldn’t be able to take it. I knew it would end up breaking me as much as it did her. So why did I do it? I had to convince myself it was necessary. She had betrayed me and she needed to know what that felt like. It was what I had been planning all along.
So why is it that I was planning to visit Jeremy tomorrow and tell him it was all one big mistake? That what happened was just one big misunderstanding, and that Tyler was completely innocent?
Maybe it’s because, deep down, you really care, my inner voice seethed. Even my subconscious thinks I’m a fucking asshole.
“I don’t fucking care!” I shouted, getting out of my seat.
“You don’t fucking care about what?” Humphrey asked at the door.
“Nothing, old man. You just get back to getting ready for your lady. I’ve got other shit to deal with.” I tossed the phone I still had in my hand and sat back down with a huff.
Sensing my frustration, Humphrey sat down opposite me. “Have you ever heard of the saying ‘Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves’?”
I sighed, knowing exactly where this was heading. “Yes, but I can’t see how this has anything to do with me.”
Humphrey laughed and shook his head. “Deany boy, you dug your grave a long time ago when you started this thing. Now all you’ve done is bury yourself in it. You’re up to your neck in it, Dean, and pretty soon, if you carry on the way you are, it will swallow you up and you’ll suffocate in it. The sickest part about all this is you’ve ended up falling in love with her again. The one person who hurt you the most is breaking you without her even knowing it.”