He and I had been children together, played in the forest together; he'd defended me when I'd been in the Spiral and had to face his mother, Cassava. All the more reason his betrayal had cut me so deeply. I'd loved him; he'd been my favorite of all my siblings and it had meant nothing to him.
"Why?" That was the only word I could come up with, and yet it encompassed everything between us.
He settled into a crouch, his cloak flaring out around him. The wounds on his face were slowly healing, and his nose was no longer trickling blood, though there was a smear of it on his cheek as though he'd tried to wipe it away. The smell of the mountains clung to him, ice and snow and frozen fir trees. He clenched his hands into fists several times, and finally he spoke. "Would you believe I did it all to help you survive?"
Despite the pain coursing through me, I did laugh, even though I paid for it. Like a thousand tiny teeth slicing into my innards, the hurt came in a crashing bite. I clutched at my body with one arm and clung to Peta with the other. "Try again." I spat the words out as I spoke through the throbbing in my body, surprised blood did not fly with the spit.
Faster than I could move away, one of his hands shot forward and caught mine-the one I had wrapped around my middle. Peta snarled and lurched forward but Raven lifted a hand to her, blocking her. The color of power on his arm was one of the lightest pink, the lines coiling tightly around his skin, so without being this close, it would be hard to discern. "Peta, I don't mean her harm."
"That's new," I said, but the words had no edge to them. The pain was easing in my body as he repaired whatever it was Talan had done to me.
Slowly, he pulled his hand back. "I know that right now you don't trust me. But everything will be explained soon. And then maybe we can start again?"
Peta growled and I snorted as I pushed myself into a sitting position, my body fatigued as though I'd been going through Ender training for weeks without rest or food. The crushing pain was gone, but I knew I would be slow if it came to another fight.
Raven rocked back onto his heels. "You asked me why. The answer is far more complicated than the question."
"Try." I stared at him. Tried to see if he was lying to me or not, to see if he used Spirit to manipulate me. Just the thought of him in my head sent anger coursing hot through my skin and nerve endings.
He didn't move. "It is a long story, if you are willing to hear it all. And it started long before either of us was born. Before Cassava and Ulani, before even the Veil was created."
A chill swept down my spine. Not because of what he said, but because I could see, and feel, he was telling the truth. Shit sticks, I wanted every word out of his mouth to be a lie. At least then, I would know where I stood with him.
I drew a breath. "You came in here because Talan told you to, then?"
He shook his head. "Actually, no. He told me to let you decide when you were done suffering. I've trained with him, Lark, and I know which of his methods will work for you and which will just make you dig your heels in. I know you and I know him. This will not go well for either of you."
He grinned and a flicker of my younger brother was there, the one who'd laughed with me as we'd stolen pies from the kitchen in the Spiral. "You can handle more pain than anyone. I knew you'd not buckle under this-his methods will only piss you off. It's why I told him I had to be here to help you train. Not because I'm better than him, but because I know you better than he does, which means I have a better chance at training you."
I didn't like that, once more, his words were true. I didn't want him to know me, to know my strengths and weaknesses. Not when I wasn't sure I knew him at all.
"But the rest of the story, it's best told by Talan. He knows more of it than anyone else. He's only told me bits and pieces, but that was enough to convince me to help him. To help turn me against Viv."
Peta flicked her tongue out and licked her chops. "That's what Talan thinks. Stupid boy that he is, he does not know as much as he believes. Even he cannot be that arrogant."
I twisted and looked at her. I mean, truly looked at my companion and familiar. It was easy to forget she was far older than she looked, and that she'd been there at the beginning with Talan.
She shook her head, picking up on my thoughts through the bond. "No, I wasn't there at the beginning with him. The mother goddess … well, I guess she never was truly that, but still at the time I thought that's who she was … she gave me to him when I was a kitten. He'd already lived a long time." She closed her eyes. "Sometimes I go back to that moment when I was given to him, and I wonder what was in his eyes. Was he happy? Or was he condescending because maybe he thought he didn't need me? Or did he think I was a plant, a spy for her?" A shudder ran along her coat and I tightened my arm around her.