Desperate Measures(75)

 

Aimee nodded her head wordlessly. She was on the edge of her seat wondering what he was going to say. It felt like it was going to be monumental.

 

“Years ago, when I was young and foolish and fancied myself in love, I found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship. Over a period of three years, I suffered the slow and insidious breakdown of my sense of self. Little by little - with what seemed like innocuous, harmless comments - my lover tore the foundation of me down, brick by brick, until almost nothing of me remained …”

 

Aimee’s heart squeezed painfully for him. He was so beautiful with those earnest blue eyes. Who could have done such a thing?

 

“You know what the worst part is?” Marcus asked.

 

Aimee shook her head, unable to speak.

 

“I let him do it. I left me … Marcus … in the dust. I became this other person - the one I thought he wanted me to be. I would have done anything to please him, to make him happy. I left my friends and family behind … ” He paused, rubbing the back of her hands with his thumbs and looking down for a moment. When he looked back up, his eyes were shining with unshed tears. “When I’d finally been brought down to my lowest point … when I had finally let him convince me that I was worthless and would never measure up to anyone’s standards of beauty, intelligence, or worth, someone stepped in and saved me. She grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a good, hard shake and told me to snap my sorry butt out of that horrible dark place and get away from him. She made me see the web of hatred and self-loathing that my lover had spun around me. I’d been trapped willingly, but she wouldn’t let me feel the shame of it. She said something to me that I’ll never forget, and it helped me, so I’m going to say it to you too. Maybe it will give you that little ray of hope it gave me, and the inspiration to keep on going and trying to get out of the darkness.”

 

“What did she say?” whispered Aimee.

 

“She told me that the only person’s expectations I ever needed to measure up to were my own. No one decides for me who I am, who I need to be, or what I should be doing with myself, but me. And she told me I was perfect, exactly the way I was, faults and all. Because faults are what make us human, and ultimately unique and wonderful.”

 

Marcus reached up and took Aimee by the shoulders, gently shaking them for effect. “This is me, giving you a good shake. Now, snap your sorry butt out of that well of pity that you’re drowning in and take responsibility for your happiness.” He grabbed a tissue and used it to wipe the tears that were streaming down her face. “Jack does not get to decide who you are, what you can do, or what you should do. Jack does not decide what your world is going to be like. You are gorgeous, fierce, loving and lovable … today is the day you take your life back. One thing at a time. Yes, it’s going to be hard sometimes. You’ve buried the real Aimee down in there somewhere, and she’s afraid to come out. Be patient with her. It will be worth it, I promise.” He sat back and just stared at her, practically insisting she respond.

 

Aimee didn’t feel forced though, she was compelled by her own curiosity and newfound sense of hope to speak up. “What ever happened to that guy? The jerk who tried to destroy you?”

 

“He destroyed a few more lost souls before drinking himself to death.”

 

“That’s horrible,” she said, feeling sick for Marcus and wondering how he could possibly have ended up so fabulous with such a terrible experience in his past.

 

“He was a gay man who was never okay with who he was. He battled it and hated himself for it nearly his entire life. He couldn’t deny who he was, always drawn to relationships with other men; but he hated them for being attractive to him, so he launched this psychological warfare on those around him in an effort to cleanse his conscience. At least, that’s what my dime store psychological handbook said.” He smiled, making light of the analysis of his painful past.

 

“Well, Jack isn’t gay, so he wasn’t torturing me over something like that.”

 

“No, but he’s got issues. I don’t know what they are - but they did cause him to systematically tear you down, to the point that you want to run and hide whenever his name is mentioned.”

 

“I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

 

“I know. That’s why I shared my secret with you.” He stood and went to the door. “I’m going to let the girls in now, if you’re ready.”

 

“In a second. I just want to thank you first.” She stood up and went over to him, giving him a quick hug. “Sorry. I’m a hugger.” His hand reached around and patted her on the back.