I regret it as soon as it makes contact. My palm collides with her cheek and she gasps and steps back from me.
“I’m sorry, but he killed my parents and he tried to kill me and your Dad. He gave up the right to know you. I will kill him before I let him come near you or my family again.”
“You’re lying!” she cries, her hand holding the cheek I struck. “You’re lying!” “Where?” I ask her. “Where has he been taking you? To filthy clubs?” I sob, my heart dying knowing he’s been around her, touched her, spoken to her.
“He has an apartment. He’s not horrible, Mom.”
“Where is his apartment? Write the address down.” I grab the notepad and pen kept in one of the drawers and shout, “NOW!”
She jots it down and stares at me. “Were you lying about him killing?”
The house phone has been ringing in the background and the answer machine clicks on. “Baby, it’s me. I need you to pick up the phone.” I can hear the worry in his voice and part of me wants to take Cereus and run but I’m not me without him and I don’t know if I would exist without him, or if I would just fade away.
“This isn’t over!” I warn Cereus, and grab the phone as I go into my study. “What do you want, you lying son of a bitch,” I grate down the receiver.
“Baby, I will explain everything. I know I messed up.”
“Fucking messed up, Blake! Ryan is out there and he’s been in contact with our daughter!” I scream.
“Listen, baby. I have a couple of patrol cars coming to watch over you and Cereus. I need you to keep the TV off and wait for me to come home.”
“Oh my God, why do I need to keep the T.V off?” I ask, panicking and grabbing the remote. He hears the TV turn on and begs me to turn it off. I scrawl to the local news channel and drop the phone.
“The owner of Blooming Daisy was brutally slain today in another grizzly murder only days after a teacher from a local high school was found bludgeoned to death. Police have made a brief statement in relation to the murders asking the public to be extra vigilant while they complete their investigation.”
No, no. My legs give out and I land in a heap on the floor, sorrow gripping me in its cold embrace. I don’t know how long I lay there, but the throb in my head and dry mouth tell me it is too long.
Tears have finally dried leaving the skin on my cheeks sore; my life is coming undone, how can this happen? How could Blake not warn Sean that Ryan was out there? He could have stopped all of this. Who was next? Blake, me . . . Cereus? I won’t allow it. I grab the small colt handgun Blake spent many years teaching me how to shoot, and stuff it into my handbag. I snatch the address Cereus gave me from the counter and stuff it into my jeans pocket. I call up the stairs to Cereus she’s not to leave the house and get no reply. She can hate me all she wants, she’ll understand one day when she has her own children. A patrol car is parked on the street next to our house, I don’t recognize the officers inside but one gets out and comes towards me, tilting his hat. “Good evening, Mam. We were sent by Detective Braxton.”
“I know.” I smile, trying to school my expressions to that of a somewhat normal person and not a crazed mama bear which is what I feel like inside.
“I need you to keep watch on the house and make sure my daughter doesn’t leave.”
He looks up at the house “Our assignment was to make sure you’re both safely inside, Mam.”
I look at his badge number, making him squirm. “What’s your name?”
“Officer Dudley, Mam.”
“Well, Officer Dudley, you can either stay and protect my daughter or I’ll call your captain and tell him you were snoozing in the car when I came out to offer you coffee.”
His mouth gapes and I leave him there and jump in my car.
MY FRONT DOOR CRASHES OPEN alerting me to a presence before a rain-soaked Cereus appears before me in my kitchen.
She looks down at the carving knife in my hand then quickly backs up. Her wet hair is hugging her cheeks, sticking from the moisture. She has no coat and is shivering, her top completely transparent, offering a look at the young flesh beneath.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, confused by her sudden appearance and demeanor.
“Is it true?” she pants, out of breath from her run over here.
I move towards her but she flinches back, her eyes once again going to the knife in my hand. I’d been using it to slice meat for a sandwich, which is still, half made on the surface behind me. Her eyes are focused on my movements, wary of what I plan to do.
Usually I would feed from someone’s fear but the rarest thing had happened to me over my time with her. I don’t want to scare Cereus. I’ve grown to like her and I have this need inside me that craves her. She’s part of me and connects me to the world. I’m tethered by blood, and appreciation for someone else, another life other than my own. I look forward to hearing what she has to say. I don’t love her but I don’t want to harm her or see any pain come to her. In my mind she’s mine. I felt a like for her Mom too but it didn’t stop me trying to kill Melody. But this is more powerful. She’s like me and she knows the real person inside and not the image I portray to others to reel them in. She has some of the darker urges like me and feels adrift in the world just like me. Hurting Melody was more to hurt Blake, to watch him come completely unraveled. I enjoyed playing with Melody’s life and thought I would Cereus’ when I first saw her. But I see parts of me in Cereus and it gave me my first real connection to the world I live in. She isn’t weak like most people. She isn’t irritating and gullible.