Her eyes narrow. “He was in great health, as am I. It’s a shock how suddenly he’s just gone.”
“A heart attack occurs about every twenty seconds, a lot of the time out of the blue with a heart attack death about every minute. You could literally die right now.” I lean forward as I finish, emphasizing the ‘now.’
“Ryan, come in,” Jenna says suddenly. I hadn’t notice her office door open. “Take a seat. Do you want some water?”
I shake my head and walk over to the window.
“Thanks for coming in to see me. How are you feeling about what happened with Jodie?”
“Who?” I ask and she studies me. I smirk at her. “I don’t want to talk about Jodie.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Now that I’m not legally bound to take these sessions, I wanted to know if what I tell you is patient Doctor confidential.”
She walks with confidence and sits in the chair that she took last time, and gestures for me to sit also.
“Discussions of past crimes or wrong doing are privileged, but not discussions of plans for future crimes or violence,” she says, almost as if she’s upset that I can’t tell her if I’m about to go on a murder rampage.
“I meant more family stuff, people I may be in contact with?”
She straightens in her chair and grabs her iPad to take notes on. “Oh, yes, of course. Is there someone you want to talk about?”
“When I was young Blake was fiercely protective of me. He had so much love for me and I showed him nothing in return. His emotional need to love and protect me made manipulating him easy, and I loved doing it. Blake was naturally talented; he was smart and could have done anything with his life. I didn’t understand that about him and if it wasn’t for the fact he showed affection towards me I would have questioned if our minds worked the same way.”
“Were you jealous of him?”
Stupid bitch why would I be jealous of him? He was my puppet. “You’re way off. He intrigued me. He always adjusted to whatever happened in our lives; our mother being a drunk and high most of our lives, my Dad beating on him when I fooled him into thinking my Dad visited my room. He adjusted what he thought needed to happen and moved us both forward, in his opinion.”
“Why did you make him believe that, and was he really that blind to you that he didn’t know?”
“I’m a fantastic manipulator, Dr. Jenna. Blake is human. At the end of the day his thoughts and actions are tied to his emotions. It was more about breaking my Dad. He looked at Blake in a way that appeared like longing to me. I was curious to see if he was fighting his own urges. I tempted him but he turned to anger not perversion, but Blake didn’t know that and I knew Blake would want to protect his poor little brother. It was a rush to see how far he would go for me.”
“Do you love him?” she asks.
She has learned nothing.
“I can’t love him. I don’t know how. I don’t possess that emotion.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“It’s not about believing it, it just is. I don’t feel it.”
“Do you care about anyone?”
My thoughts go to Cereus. I see reflections of myself in parts of her but it’s more an obsession to learn and be around her. I feel ownership over her and a need for her to want, like, need and love me.
“Ryan?”
“I have a niece. She’s an artist and really talented. Her art teacher is a cunt and I don’t like how he’s treating her. Does that make me care?”
“It depends. Do you not like him treating her the way he is because it’s hurting her?”
It’s more the fact he’s petty and pathetic and abusing his power, and that she’s mine and no one can hurt her but me if I choose to. I don’t say this, I’m too close to rambling about the ways I want to kill him.
“I told you earlier that you can talk freely about past crimes, so let’s address those. Can you tell me what made you kill the first time? It says in your files that you didn’t know the victim.”
I shrug. “Why would I know someone like him? He was just a drug dealer with an attitude and a loose tongue.”
“You show no remorse for him? In Dr. Leighton’s past assessments it was documented that you feel remorse for your victims.” She’s sitting forward now, engrossed in digging inside me to find answers to questions she already deep down knows the answers to.
“Hour’s up,” I state getting to my feet.
“What about their families and friends? Do you feel any guilt about what you put them through?”